Yo Burrito

I love a good burrito. I especially love a burrito that I can hold that isn't drowned in a bunch of sauce or cheese. And I really love a burrito if it comes from a place called Chipotle! Sadly, there aren't any Chipotle restaurants anywhere near Charleston so suffice it to say, I haven't had a seriously great burrito in a very long time... until today!

Okay, so why hasn't anyone told me that Yo Burrito has stepped up their game? I remember when they opened their first location on Wentworth Street in Charleston years ago. I only went there once and I never went back so obviously it wasn't that memorable!

Robin was recently telling me about a co-worker that had his girlfriend go to Yo Burrito to pick up dinner for him (and rudely didn't ask anyone if they wanted anything!) Later on, she was pretty envious of what came in this co-workers plain brown paper bag... so much that we had a whole conversation about it later!

All of this burrito chat made me miss my Chipotle days, so today, when we were running errands, I asked her if she wanted to head to Mt. Pleasant to go to Yo Burrito... Uh. yeah...

First thing I noticed is that the Mt. Pleasant location is not crowded with young college students - bonus! The music was a bit loud, but it is kind of a bar location, I suppose. After the server brought us some chips Robin went to the salsa bar and brought back the mild version for me. I'm not sure what flavor she picked out for herself, but I nicknamed it "ass salsa" and was "pretend angry" at her for making me try it. Gross! She said it was BBQ flavor or something.

The mild salsa was amazing! Really, I couldn't get enough of it. I wish I had the recipe. I've never made salsa, but I need to. I mean, really... how hard can it be? I need to put that on my list of things to do. That, and another batch of hummus. I could eat chips and salsa for dinner and sadly, on occasion, I have done so.

I was so consumed with the salsa and its deliciousness that I didn't even notice that I had dribbled on my shirt. Yeah, that's my luck. Good thing I learned the ice cube/stain trick many years ago. Never use a napkin. It only rubs off on your shirt!

Finally, our burritos come and with the first bite, I am in burrito heaven. All of the sudden I'm like "Chipotle who??" Let me just say that the meat in this burrito was so flavorful and moist. There wasn't one thing overpowering another thing (normally the rice to everything ratio!) and I loved how the outside of the burrito was slightly grilled so it was a little crispy throughout. There wasn't once ounce of fatty tasting meat (as Chipotle seems to have now and then) and I'm usually a pretty clean eater, but I think I used all of my napkins and all of Robins!

Robin couldn't finish the last bite of her burrito and I looked at her in horror and said "but that's the best bite!!" She said she just couldn't do it. Although it took me some time, I did manage to finish mine and I tried for the remainder of the night to not regret it. It was a pretty big burrito.

Robin had the MoBurrito = grilled steak, chicken, guacamole, black beans, salsa, sour cream, cheese, lettuce and jalapeno peppers. She ordered it without the rice. I had the All That Burrito = chicken, rice, black beans, cheese, salsa. I got mine without jalapenos or sour cream. I did ask for lettuce, but I think they forgot :(

I'm so glad that we have an alternative to Moe's in town. I loathe it when I go into Moe's and they yell "WELCOME TO MOE'S!!!" It's so obnoxious. They even do it on their website! Not only do you have to listen to them yell at you, but to EVERYONE that comes in the place. Their food is okay... they do have good queso, but the number one reason I don't go there is because they yell.

I guess I can now stop writing Chipotle letters asking them to open Charleston locations, which will provide more time for my letter writing campaign for a Trader Joe's!!

Found Treasures

I was recently going through some of Mom's stuff and found these notes.

This first one was written by my little sister. I'm not sure how old she was, but all I can say is some things never change!

Obviously, she changed her mind.

Traci always signed her name "Traci B." for some reason. Isn't that odd? I guess I will give her this note back now to share the laugh!

This second note made me cry and smile at the same time. It absolutely sums up my Father and my parent's loving relationship. They were so good together!


I'm so happy I found this!

Stir Crazy

I have been sitting at home for almost a week recovering from surgery. Friday I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Eads and I had to drag myself out of the house for that. My whole body hurt and I could barely get in and out of the car. During my visit, he asked how I was feeling physically and I said okay and he then asked about mentally and I just started crying. I guess that answered that for him. I told him that I was healing on schedule, but was having a hard time dealing with all of it emotionally. I told him that people will look at the incision and say "Oh, that doesn't look that bad" but they are looking at it from the outside and don't stop to think that there are emotions that go along with that incision. That incision conjures up everything I have felt from my family history of cancer and now I have to add my own feelings to it. I told Dr. Eads that I wanted more time for recovery so he agreed to extend my sick leave one week. I return to work on April 19th.

Today was the first day that I felt up to doing something outside of the house, but unfortunately Robin is sick. She caught some kind of bug this week and we have been taking care of each other instead of her taking care of me. This morning I woke up and took a shower with the intention of going out but ended up sitting around the house all day. Robin tried to get me to go out, but I didn't want to do anything alone. She goes back to work tomorrow night so I guess I better get back to the usual routine.

In my moments of going stir crazy I have been attempting to work on my Mom's painting room. I want to get that finished so we can turn it into an office and place to put our craft stuff. I've been attempting to divide what I want to keep with the stuff to throw away. I have no idea what to do with the other stuff. Some of it is really valuable, but do I really want to deal with the pain of selling it all? I have had "friends" ask me to let them know what my plans are but all it does is irritate me when people do that. I'd much rather give it to someone who would never ask for it! I don't know why it bothers me so much when people do that.

With this last week at home I'm hoping to get organized a little more. I want to paint the windows in the master bedroom - yes... the windows! Since Robin works nights we have to have a totally blacked out room for her to sleep in. I decided a while back to paint the window panes different colors to help block out the light. I also need to paint the spare bedroom before my cousin comes to stay for a week in June. I hate painting, which is probably a huge reason for my procrastination. I can't imagine how anyone does it for a living day after day!

Last week I did have a small sense of accomplishment. I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes! I know that this isn't really a big deal, but I was quite proud of myself. My goal was to make my Mom's meatloaf and I must say that I came really close to it! I have never in my life made a meatloaf and I didn't follow a recipe. I made my meatloaf from my memories of watching Mom make it over the years. I suppose I paid enough attention to re-create it! As for the mashed potatoes. Well, I've never made mashed potatoes before, either. I just threw some stuff together and it came out pretty darn good!

Both of my parents were born cooks and were known for their specialties. They never followed recipes and sadly, they never wrote their recipes down. I remember our neighbor across the street, Jim, loved my Mom's meatballs (which were DAMN GOOD!) and he always asked Mom for the recipe. Mom would never give it to him but Jim would always ask anyway. One night Jim had a heart attack and passed away. At the wake my Mom slipped the recipe card for her meatballs in Jim's coat pocket and it was buried with him. She had never written that recipe down before that day and never wrote it down again.

I haven't attempted to conquer Mom's meatballs yet, but I have made Dad's chili and Grandma's cheesecake. I just say that meatloaf and mashed potatoes (from memory) are one step closer!

The Girl with the Red Ribbon

Remember the scary childhood story of the girl with the red ribbon around her throat? If you removed the ribbon her head would roll because it was severed at the neck. I think I know what she must have felt like.

Five days after surgery I am still in pain. The worst part of it all is my throat. I was told that they had to intubate me three times for surgery. I guess when they did that they tore up my throat because now swallowing is incredibly uncomfortable.

Monday morning Robin and I arrived at St. Francis at 6am to check in for surgery. I didn't have to wait long before they brought me back to a room and started the pre-surgery interrogation. What is your name? What is your birth date? What are you having done? Those questions will be asked over and over again for the next 24 hours! They take my vitals, give me some wrist bracelets for identification.. Nurses come and nurses go... poking, prodding and preparing me to go under the knife. Next, the anesthesiologist comes in and introduces himself s and then Dr. McNellis comes in to go over the procedure. They are ready for me.

To be honest, from that point on I really don't remember anything. The last thing I remember was being in the prep room and they put my hair in the net. Robin kissed me as I was being wheeled out of the room. The next thing I know I was waking up in recovery with Dr. McNellis at my side. He was talking to me about the surgery. He told me that it went well and that they ended up doing a total thyroidectomy. I remember looking at him and I asked if it was cancer. He said yes. I cried hard and asked what my family did to deserve this and then I asked for Robin. Dr. McNellis told me that he talked to her and she was waiting in my room. I sat in recovery for a while and I remember lifting my hand to my neck to feel the incision. I didn't expect it to be uncovered. When I touched it I heard the nurse call me from the other side of the room. She was telling me not to touch it.

The Demerol was still strong in my system so I was in and out of consciousness for a while. I remember being wheeled down the hall and seeing Robin standing in the doorway of my room. I was never so happy to see anyone in my life. I must have been really high because she told me that I kept telling her how much I love her.

When I was well enough to move around I went to the bathroom and changed my clothes into something more comfortable. Robin brought me a pair of cotton shorts and soft tank top from home and I was so thankful to get that hospital gown off! When I changed clothes, Robin unhooked my IV to get the shirt over the tube and I just knew the nurses were going to yell at me. I'm sure they wondered how I got the shirt on around it, but they never said anything.

Once I was awake, the nurse brought me some "food" for a liquid diet. It was chicken broth that was actually more like a 5 chicken bullion cubes dropped in about a cup of water. It was so strong that I had to have Robin ask for some hot water to dilute it. Along with the broth was what I thing they call Jello, but it wasn't really comparable. I ate a bite and wondered what in the hell I was eating. I never had Jello that left a film on the inside of my mouth before. I opted to eat some ice chips and drink some ginger ale for lunch. I do remember eating a turkey sandwich but am not quite sure how, or when, I obtained it!

After eating I heard a knock at my door. When I turned around it was my good friend Edna! It turns out that her husband, Rusty, was down the hall for chest pain so she thought she would come to find me. While Edna was visiting there was another knock at the door and it was Debra, Jackie's sister... soon after, Jackie and her son Quentin came by. It was a party up in room 239. Unfortunately, I didn't feel like partying too much because when the nurse came in to give me my meds I ended up throwing up in front of everyone. Somehow I managed to keep the pills down, though.

Early in the evening I was so incredibly hot. I was sweating and my hair was drenched. The thermostat was turned down as much as it could go and I was still sweating. My clothes were wet and the nurse kept giving me cold cloths to put on my forehead. I remember saying that's what my Dad always did when I was sick as a kid. He thought a cold, wet cloth would cure anything. I guess I was feeling the effects of coming off of the Demerol and it was horrible. I was taking short, shallow breaths even with the oxygen on and I just couldn't get cool enough. I tied my hair up on top of my head to keep it off of my neck and tried to sleep. It was hard to do since the nurses woke me up every two hours for medicine, insulin, blood pressure... or whatever.

Every once in a while there would be a quiet moment when I wasn't struggling with being hot, trying to breathe, being uncomfortable or whatever else and the reality of the situation would creep up on me. There were a couple moments of clarity and it would hit me out of the blue. I was in the hospital and I had cancer. There is now a huge. 4-inch cut on my throat and I was next in line in my family to deal with this horrible fucking disease. I went to sleep "normal" and I woke up a cancer survivor.

There were several times throughout the night when Robin and I would sit and cry. Mostly me, I think. I just didn't (and still don't) understand how "this" happens to one person. When I say "this", I mean all of my horrible, rotten luck. I have asked a million times, and I ask once more. When does my luck turn to good? I guess I should listen to what the doctors keep telling me about if I'm going to get cancer "this is the kind you want to get!" I mean, what kind of crap is that? Is that supposed to be reassuring? Is that supposed to make me feel better? I am thankful that it's gone and that it was operable and that the probability of it coming back is extremely rare, but really! In the long line of things that I have been through in the past couple of years, when you add thyroid cancer to the list of things to happen to me, it should probably make someone go "well, of course!" Is it being optimistic if I start to look at it as I'm running out of bad things to happen to me?

After not sleeping much that night they brought in a small breakfast for me consisting of one egg, one slice of toast cut in two and a small bowl of grits. I was pretty hungry so I ate the egg and toast. I don't eat grits so those were pushed to the side and Robin went downstairs to the cafeteria to see what kind of food they had down there. She came back with a Belgian waffle! My hero! I ate half of my waffle and had some coffee and I felt like a new woman!

Around that time I had a visit from Joan of Charleston Daily Photo - my favorite blog. Joan also came to visit me the night before but I don't remember much of it. I do remember hearing someone say I was asleep and when I opened my eyes, there she was! It's kind of odd following someone's blog and reading about their daily life and all of then sudden they are a real person standing in front of you! It meant a lot that she took the time out of her day to visit! Maybe next time we can meet under better circumstances.

After checking my vitals for the millionth time the doctor finally cleared me for discharge. We gathered up my things and headed home. All I could think about was laying in my own bed. I wasn't looking forward to the quiet and contemplative time that was sure to follow once the hospital hoopla, phone calls from friends and general craziness subsided. I've been trying to stay busy with doing stuff around the house and have probably overdone it a bit. I had a follow-up with Dr. Eads today and this was the worst day I have had, physically, so far. He extended my leave one week so I can take more time to recover physically and also mentally.

I'm physically drained and emotionally devastated. I need to regroup, center myself and find the part of me that grew stronger from this experience and use that to grow on. I know that this... all of this, has happened to me for a reason. I just don't know what that reason is or what I'm supposed to do with this life of experiences. Good and bad.

Surgical Outcome

I don't really have the motivation to write a full blog about my surgical experience today so I will save that until I am feeling a bit better.

In a nutshell, when they did the frozen section during my surgery they found cancer. Because of this, they took my entire thyroid out. I am staying the night at the hospital and will go home tomorrow where the ears of a chocolate Easter Bunny are waiting to be bitten off... throat pain, or no throat pain!

BlackBerry Love

How did I ever live without a BlackBerry?

A couple of weeks ago Robin was getting the laundry out of the washer and I was sitting on the couch. I heard her say something and when I looked up I saw her bow her head. A couple of minutes later she walked over to me and handed me my phone. It was more than a little wet! I guess I left it on the bed when I woke up and when Robin washed the sheets my phone was wrapped up in them. I just looked at her and said "you know all my contacts are in there..." and she just said "I know." We put the phone in some rice to dry it out then Robin started getting dressed. I asked her were she was going and she said she was heading out to get me a new phone. I told her that they didn't sell those phones in the store anymore. She said the she knew I needed a phone and she would get me something else. I couldn't go with her because we were waiting for a friend to come over. I told her I was afraid that she would get something that I would hate and she asked me what kind of phone I wanted. Without hesitation I said "BlackBerry" and she left.

I was really wondering how she was going to get to the store and back in time to go to dinner, but she managed to do it. The first store she went to was just the service center and of course my phone was beyond service so she had to go to the store that was actually closer to our house. I have no idea how she did it, but she returned with new BlackBerry in hand and I didn't ask questions!

Unfortunately, my plan is with Sprint and my contract doesn't end for another year or else I would have switched to an iPhone. For the time being, I have to say that I LOVE this phone! Tonight I uploaded all of my recipes so when I go shopping all I have to do is pull up a recipe to get the ingredients. Before, I was carrying my iPod in the store as well as my phone but now I have it all in one! It's the small things in life! I sent Robin an email from my phone with a recipe attached and told her that from now on, if I need her to go to the grocery store to get ingredients all I have to do is email her the recipe. Yay! I am sure she was less than thrilled at that idea!

Speaking of food, I have been thinking about my surgery that is happening on Monday morning and how uncomfortable it will be to eat afterward. Ive been thinking of soft foods that I should buy that will be easy to swallow. I was thinking of making some things tomorrow to have on hand for the following week. Warm and soft... that's what I'm thinking.

The whole idea of having surgery and the possibility of having cancer is so surreal. The reality that I am going under anesthesia and getting my throat sliced open hasn't really hit yet. It is getting more real as the deed draws near, but I think it won't really hit me until Monday morning. To be honest, I'm a little freaked out about it and mildly scared. The only surgeries I have had is carpal tunnel and laser lithotripsy for a kidney stone. Both were under anesthesia, but for the carpal tunnel I was awake and could actually feel them digging around my hand. It didn't hurt, but I was pretty disturbed about being able to feel it.

I have to arrive at St. Francis at 6am and surgery is scheduled at 8am. Dr. McNellis told me to prepare to stay overnight but there was a possibility that he may let me go home. I am a little worried about the fact that I can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight and by the time surgery is over it will be close to lunch time. I am more than positive I won't be able to eat for a few hours and being a diabetic, if I don't eat on a regular schedule I get absolutely nauseated. Because of this, I'm going to request to stay overnight. The only time I've stayed overnight in a hospital is when my Dad was sick. I think hospitals are pretty creepy so it's not something I'm real thrilled about. I'm so glad that Robin will be there with me. I can't even imagine not having her in my life. It's hard enough working opposite schedules!

I took the week off and hopefully will not experience too much pain after surgery. I would love to be able to use the healing time to get some stuff done in the house and also be able to spend some time outdoors. Since the Lucas ordeal, Robin and I haven't had much quality time together so I hope we will be able to do some fun stuff during the week. If not, I suppose the couch and I will become BFF's!

It's now 4:43am and Robin came home early. I'm awake because I had a headache and slept all day. Now it's time to go to Waffle House for a tasty Waffle! Yum!

Progress

Our dog Lucas is insane. I think he has forgotten that a little over a week ago he was paralyzed. These days, he is walking on his own! He walks in a swaying drunk-like fashion, but is walking (and running) nonetheless!

When I knew that Lucas was going to be fine walking on his own I would still carry the harness when we went outside in case of an emergency. The past couple of day I've just opened the door (to Robin's dismay) and let him go out by himself. I hang out on the porch and make sure he isn't killing himself or getting into a position he can't get out of. My biggest fear is that he will crawl under the pool deck and get stuck. I have news for him... if that happens he's staying there until Robin gets home because there is no way I'm going under there! Yesterday he conquered coming up the steps by himself!

Being that Lucas is Robin's baby, she tends to hover over him way more than I do. She still carries him outside to the yard and is probably still feeding him hand-cut hot dogs. I am absolutely amazed at his progress and really can't believe that he is walking again! What I think is most amusing is the fact that he now sits like a human. I mean, who doesn't love a dog that sits like this on the couch??


Because of dog drama, Robin and I really haven't done much outside of the house in the last two weeks. We did manage to run a couple of errands and go out for dinner the other night, which was nice. I've been more tired than usual and struggle through work every day. All I can think about is coming home to take a nap! It makes me wonder if all of this (which has been going on for a while!) is related to my thyroid.

This week Robin has been working every night so she can take next week off to play nurse to me after my surgery on Monday. Seeing how she has babied Lucas I think, perhaps, I'm a little frightened! Really, though, I'm glad Lucas has made such great progress so Robin won't be totally stressed tending to two needy patients!

Baby Steps

Robin and I decided to try and let Lucas walk on his own today. We were shocked at how well he did!! At one point he took off and started running! It's amazing that he was mostly paralyzed just a couple of days ago and we were actually thinking of ending this poor kid's life!

Today he finally had a bowel movement (Thanks to Activia and canned pumpkin!) and he peed standing on his own! We are hoping in the next couple of days that he will be able to get himself up from the sitting position!

Amazing!

Our Fancy Dog Purse

Last night was the first time in a week that Robin and I got more than 4 hours of sleep at one time and it was sooooo nice! We've been working shifts with Lucas. Since Robin works nights and I work days it has worked out pretty well and he has shown so much improvement.

A couple of days ago I was going to put him in the crib and I accidentally popped the catheter out... oops! We were worried that he was going to urinate all over the place without it, but he has actually held it and goes outside when we take him. Obviously he can't tell us when he has to go so we constantly have to observe his behavior and try to figure out when he needs to go.

Initially, Lucas has absolutely no use of his hind legs. The vet's office gave us a simple harness so we could support his backside while he walks with his front legs, but we ended up buying an Australian made rear harness called the Walkabout and had it overnighted. His rear legs go through two slits and then it wraps around his backside then fastens with velcro and fasteners. Each side has a handle that makes Lucas look like a fancy dog purse.

(not Lucas!)

It took a bit, but Lucas has gone back to his normal outside routine. The first thing he does when he heads steps onto the deck is smell under the chair where he recently caught and killed a squirrel. I keep telling Robin that I think the reason he became paralyzed was because of a "hit" that the underground squirrel mafia did for retaliation. I suppose we'll never know.

During our walks it's sometimes hard to keep up with him! He drinks from the large empty flower pot that holds rain water, he goes to sniff the tree where the squirrels hide, he makes a trip around the pool and constantly tries to run under the deck. I keep telling him that there's no way we can go under the deck because I don't fit under there and secondly, that's where the snakes hide! It's so good he remembers his environment!

He is slowly regaining strength in his hind legs but remains incredibly wobbly. If we were to let go of the harness he would surely fall over, but he has taken 2-3 steps on his own as we let the tension on the harness fall a bit just to see how he does. Because of his great progress, we are really hopeful for a full recovery!

His appetite has been good, but there may be a downfall from what we have been feeding him. For his medicine we hide it in hot dog bits and he now refuses to eat his dog kibble! He was already spoiled rotten so we might be creating a monster! As far as we are concerned if he has gone through this and fully recovers, especially after we came so close to putting him down, he can eat ice cream sundaes every day for all we care!!

The down side of all of this is that he has still not had a bowel movement. He acts as if he has to by hunching down, but nothing ever happens! We have been told that pure pumpkin will help with that so he had a little today. He really didn't care for it so we are hoping what little he ate will help. Hopefully the poop-fest doesn't happen on my shift!!

Lucas

I am drained. The last two days have been so exhausting for us.

Yesterday Robin called me at work around 10am. I didn't answer because I was on the phone with an insurance company. I sent her a text saying that I would call her back in a minute. She replied with one word... "Emergency!" I immediately hung up with the insurance company and called her back. She said that our youngest dog, Lucas, couldn't move his back legs. I asked her what happened and she said that she thought he jumped off the deck chasing a squirrel and he fell wrong. She said she heard him yelping and when she ran outside he was laying in the grass and couldn't move. I told her that I was leaving work and would be home in as soon as I could.

I turned off my computer, grabbed my bag and ran to my boss's office and told her that I had a family emergency. I think I blabbed something about the dog and said that I had to go and I would call with an update later. I drove home as quickly, and legally as I could.

When I arrived home, Robin was sitting on the living room floor with Lucas. All of the other animals were surrounding them. She said she already called the vet's office and they were expecting us. Luckily, the vets office was about 2 miles from the house.

Robin sat in the back seat with Lucas and I felt so bad for him. He was sitting on his hind with his back legs extended. The look on his face was pure fright. My heart was racing and I was trying to remain calm.

When we were called to the exam room Dr. Brown came in and did a couple of quick tests and said that he didn't have any deep pain and recommended we go to the emergency vets office. Dr. Brown does not specialize in backs and the emergency vets office also had the imaging equipment needed to properly diagnose his condition. We left Dr. Brown's office and headed to North Charleston.

When we pulled up, the vet tech was waiting at the door for us where he picked up Lucas and brought him inside. Robin filled out paperwork and we were brought back to an exam room where we waited.

About 15 minutes later the doctor came in and explained that Lucas actually did have deep pain, which was good. He told us that his opinion was that Lucas had a herniated disc and that he recommended imaging to properly diagnose the condition. He also said it could be an embolism and without x-rays he wouldn't be able to tell us for sure. He went to run and estimate and a couple of minutes came back with the numbers for x-rays and surgery... $3995,00!!

The doctor said that they could keep him overnight and we could think about the option of surgery. He said they would give him pain meds and we could call any time to check for any improvement. We left the vet's office feeling numb, sad and like we just abandoned a child.

Last night was a quiet night at the house. Lucas is the most rambunctious of all the pets and he is constantly under your feet - especially if you have food! The other animals knew something was up so they were especially quiet.

Late in the evening we called the office for an update. The tech told us there was no improvement. Robin and I cried and talked for a long time about what to do. We knew there was no way we could afford surgery and we just felt helpless. I called my friend Becky, who works in animal welfare. She recommended we take Lucas home for his medication and therapy to see how he does before making any drastic decisions. We thought about doing this, but we didn't want Lucas to suffer for our own selfishness. We knew we really didn't have any choice but to euthanize him.

Today I called into work and left a message for supervisor about what was happening. There was no way I could work and deal with all of this. We were told that the vet came in at 9am to do his rounds and we should receive a call around 10am. We didn't hear from them, so at 10:30am we called for an update. The tech told us that they brought Lucas outside and he actually tried to use his hind legs. There was a little bit of improvement and even the Dr. was surprised. We were both super-excited at this news and told them that we would be there as soon as we could.

When we arrived we were brought to the same room as the day before. A couple of minutes later the tech brought Lucas in the room. He was on a leash, which one tech was holding while the other tech held a harness supporting his backside. I think both of us had the same reaction. All the hope of his improvement slowly disappeared. We really thought we would see something totally different. Lucas was basically just dragging his hind legs behind him.

They left us alone in the room with Lucas and we just looked at each other. We had a really hard decision to make and it was like the elephant in the room. Lucas was so drugged up but we knew he recognized us from the small tail wag he did when he entered the room and saw us sitting there.

For about 20 minutes we were alone with Lucas. It was so sad seeing him like this. At that point we were fully prepared to put him to sleep and were were basically saying our silent goodbye's and cried many tears.

After a while, the doctor came in. We told him there was no way we could afford surgery and we wanted to hear about other options. The doctor said that from when we brought him in yesterday to today was an improvement. We asked him if taking Lucas home for meds and therapy would be beneficial and the doctor said it couldn't hurt. We decided that's what we would do.

We loaded Lucas, his catheter and paralyzed legs in my Jeep and headed home. Robin looked at me and said 'Are you up for this?" and I said "Are you?" and we both nodded.

When we got home we set Lucas up in the living room on the dog bed. All the other pets were very happy that he was home, but wanted to know where the hell he had been and why he wasn't raising hell like he normally did. After a good sniff we made them mind their business and prepared for several weeks of doggy sitting.

Robin gave him some water and we were trying to figure out how to protect him from everyone else. I said that it was too bad we didn't have a baby crib or playpen. I decided to put a call out to my peeps on Facebook to see if anyone had one we could have or buy and within 20 minutes our friend Teresa came to the rescue! yay! She came over and delivered it, and then we all attempted to set it up which was more difficult than we all thought! How many lesbians does it take to set up a crib? Three, apparently!

We brought Lucas outside using the harness, which was really trying. Robin had his leash and I held the harness and cath bag. Lucas kept turning in circles and we just couldn't get him to walk forward. I finally had Robin go ahead a couple of steps and call him. He managed to walk a few steps but his back feet were pretty much dragging. The harness the vets office gave us is a piece of crap. We ended up ordering a rear harness online this evening and had them overnight it. Hopefully it will work better!

Robin tried to give him his medication in some mashed potatoes we got especially for him from KFC but he was on to her. There's not fooling him! She ended up forcing the pills down his throat and then I followed up with some tasty bologna. He was pretty pissed at her after that whole situation.

Right now Lucas is resting in his crib and we are all exhausted after two very long days. Tonight I forced myself to stay up instead of crashing earlier but now I'm off to bed. Robin is going to sleep in the living room with Lucas in case he has any problems.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better than today.
(and sorry for the typos!)

Loyalty

When I was a child my Father told me to never lie. He said that if you lie you will soon forget what lie you told and to whom you told it and pretty soon all of your lies will catch up with you. After not following his advice a couple of times I decided that what he told me sounded reasonable so I decided to live by it. I don't lie. I really have no reason to. I don't embellish the truth or tell "fish stories". My life is wacky enough without having to do all of that.

In being an honest, up front person I've found that a lot of people don't know how to take me. I've been told that people are intimidated by me and my honesty. Even some of my closest friends have told me that upon meeting me they were standoffish and until they got to know the "real" me. I would have thought this was an odd occurrence if I hadn't been told this more than once. I have been told by friends that they have had to explain to others "oh, that's just Pam!" when they were asked about my bluntness. Don't get me wrong, I would never intentionally say anything rude to someone about them personally, it's just that I have an opinion about things and I'm not afraid to express it. I'm actually quite a caring and polite person.

I think that by being the person I am I have had to develop a tough skin. I assume that the people that don't really know me think that I don't have feelings. I've thought long and hard about this. I have a tough exterior and perhaps they think my feelings are impenetrable so they say and do things they feel won't affect me emotionally. It's quite the opposite, being that I DO actually have feelings and am very sensitive.

When I was young, I moved around so much and had to make friends every couple of years. I do not take friendship for granted. I cherish my friends and would never betray them and I expect the same of them. I've learned hard lessons with some of my friends and have been very lucky that they have stood by my side even when I wasn't exactly friend material. This is why I find it incredibly painful when I learn that a so-called friend has betrayed me. That really sucks.

What sucks worse is that I learned of this from another friend and was sworn to secrecy that I wouldn't say that they told me. There are other friends involved and it's a he said/she said kind of thing and it's all just ridiculous. I would love to confront the situation and nip it in the bud, but there's that whole confidentiality and loyalty thing. I stand by my statement and really don't care what the person on the receiving end says about the whole situation, but what I DO care about is that the person delivering this message was thought to be a friend.

I stand by everything I say, write and do and if I make a mistake I am quick to apologize. If someone has an issue with something I have said or done I would hope they would confront me about it like an adult instead of gossiping like a 12-year old because frankly, I don't have time for it.

We Are Family

Once upon a time there was a nightclub in Charleston called The Treehouse. If you were one of the regulars that was lucky enough to discover it early, you were witness to something magical. There were several bars in town that catered to the gay crowd, but there was nothing like The Treehouse. The sign on the door read: They meant it. The first time I went to The Treehouse I was mesmerized. I had been to clubs in Seattle, Atlanta and Manhattan and nothing compared to it. The Treehouse felt like home. It wasn't so huge that you were just another person in the crowd. We knew everyone and everyone knew us. For the next couple of years you could find me on the dance floor... eyes closed, hearing Jesse spin and feeling the vibration of the music rise from the dance floor and work it's way up my body. At times there would be so many people on the dance floor that I just knew it would collapse and we'd all end up on the first floor. There was one song by The Movement called 'Jump' where you could actually feel the floor move up and down as people bounced all over. It was divine. On a normal day, during that time, I would work my shift from 4pm-12am and after changing my clothes in the bathroom I would head out to pick up friends. It seemed that I was always the taxi cab for wayward gay boys! After dancing for several hours - this was before clubs were forced to close at 2am - we would walk over to Fannies on Market Street for breakfast. Our server Sherrie was always lovely and incredibly patient with all of us clubbers. Mike (RIP) was always behind the grill cooking up whatever we wanted. Sometimes, after breakfast, a few of us would head over to the beach to watch the sun rise. This was most every night of the week. We were young and living in the moment and it was beautiful. The entrance to The Treehouse was down an alley on George Street. Being a V.I.P. member one of the benefits was never having to wait in line, which sometimes was down the street. I remember walking past at least one hundred people toward the entrance of the club one night and a girl shouted to us as we walked by "Excuse me, are we going to the same club because I've been waiting for an hour!" I hoped that we didn't bump into her an hour or so later when she finally gained entrance! Everyone I know who was a part of that magic remembers it the same way I do. A while after The Treehouse opened things really changed. People in the suburbs, mostly straight, would hear stories about all the crazy happenings at the club and decided to check it out for themselves. Sadly, those people never left and The Treehouse eventually lost that home-away-from-home feeling for most of us. We might as well have been dancing at Illusions on Rivers Avenue. In 1992 the owner, Ron, sent out this letter to V.I.P. members: The Treehouse slowly lost it's faithful clientele that made it the legendary club that it became and eventually closed because of it. The Treehouse building remained vacant for a while and eventually had a pretty bad fire due to some people squatting and I believe two people perished in the fire. I'm not sure who inhabits 348 King Street now. I need to remind myself to look next time I pass by. Fast forward 15 years... We've all grown to be 40-somethings and this past Saturday Jenn Klenk hosted a Treehouse reunion party at Club Pantheon. My friend Jim came to town from Greenville and stayed with Robin and I for the occasion. We went to dinner at Hyman's and then headed to Pantheon. I already contacted most of my Treehouse-loving friends in hopes that they would meet me there. We arrive just after they opened, grabbed a cocktail and watched people as they arrived. For the first two hours it was kind of slow and then the old Treehouse DJ, Jesse, started spinning. I was really hoping he would play some of the old tunes from The Treehouse, but he only played a couple. I was bummed. Regardless of the music Jesse plays, he definitely knows how to get the crowd on the dance floor, including myself. I'm definitely not in my early twenties anymore so there was no way I was going to dance from opening to close like I did back in the day! I knew I wouldn't recognize a lot of people, but I was really glad that I saw my favorite former waitress, Sherrie! I haven't seen her in years and it was so great to hug her again! I did see an old friend on the dance floor but when I went to look for him he had disappeared and I never ran into him. I was glad that I had several friends there with me... Of course my girl Robin, Chantel, Paul, Teresa, Jim, Mark, my sister Traci and her girlfriend Tanya. We had a really great time! All of this was planned by Jenn via a Facebook group. On March 5th she wrote this letter that really summed the legend of The Treehouse up: Treehouse tradition was that at the end of the night the last song played was ALWAYS 'We Are Family' by Sister Sledge. I wondered to myself if they were going to do the same thing tonight. Sure enough, right around 2am I heard that old familiar tune start. I was on the dance floor and I paused for a moment and looked around me. You could definitely tell who were the Treehouse regulars and who were the regular club-goers at Pantheon. The Treehouse people got so excited when they heard this song. There was cheering, hugging, clapping and pure joy. It meant so much to all of us back in the day. I still think of The Treehouse everytime I hear it. When I was scanning the crowd I looked at how young some of the people were. I guessed that some of these kids were probably 5 or 6 years old when the rest of use were basking in the glory of The Treehouse. It almost like we all had this secret... this monumental thing in common, a confidential club and the membership was closed forevermore. I didn't dance to "We Are Family"... I just listened and watched and remembered. I knew that this part of my life was long over and really, I'm a totally different person now. It was nice to go back and revisit those memories again, but like they say... you can never go home again (but we will always be family!)

Thyroidectomy and Country Music

I went for my biopsy follow-up yesterday. While waiting to be roomed I sat there thinking about the last year. Since I turned 40 I feel like I've slowly been falling apart. Aches, pains, high blood pressure, gaining weight... the list goes on. Last year I decided to at least be a better diabetic. Well, this really only entails my taking the medication the doctor prescribed, but that's a start, right?

Each morning at work I take out my little purple pill holder that Robin fills each week with all of my prescriptions. We've got a diabetic pill, 2 glucosomine and chondroitin OTC horse pills, blood pressure pill, cholesterol pill, a pill that keeps me from killing people... I think there's one more but I can't think of it right now. I put the pills on my desk as my morning ritual and Clancy (the girl that sits behind me) usually says something like "Dang, girl! What are you?? 80??" I complain about all the prescriptions daily as I hate taking pills. I was totally non-compliant for the longest time. I'm trying to be better about being compliant. I'm trying to be well.

I was finally put in an exam room after an hour and a half wait. I think the room was actually made for children because it had this God awful mural in it. It's a jungle scene with a monkey... the monkey has a purse for his bananas. That amused me.

When Dr. McNellis finally came in we talked about the nodule and my biopsy results. I asked him how he went from the nodule in the back of my neck to my thyroid. The connection didn't make sense to me. He told me that the nodule is something to watch carefully but from what the CT said it isn't big enough to cause worry... yet. He said when they did the CT he saw the calcifications in my thyroid and that is why he ordered the biopsy. He said they were big enough to see and that was a concern.

The cells from the biopsy were atypical which, of course, is not normal. He said that he could do more invasive studies but what he recommends is to do a partial thyroidectomy so we will not have to worry about it in the future. During the procedure he will take the thyroid and do a frozen biopsy of it while I am still under. If the pathologist says it's cancer he will then take the other half out. He explained that if it's only one half I can live without taking any additional medications, however, if they take the whole thing out I will have to take something along the lines of synthroid as well as calcium for the rest of my life.

I kind of knew that this was going to be the news I would hear today so I wasn't really freaked out. He said recovery time would be 4-7 days and that I should plan to stay overnight in the hospital but he may surprise me and send me home. I've never stayed (as a patient) overnight in the hospital so this will be a new experience for me. We scheduled the surgery for April 5th at St. Francis.

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This past weekend was a clash of cultures! Friday night we had tickets to see Henry Rollins. I was really looking forward to this since I've long admired him but have never seen him live. For the past several years he's been doing spoken word. The show was absolutely intense and nothing short of amazing. In the words of my good friend, Devin:

he basically came out at 8:15pm, stepped up to the mike, and started talking, and didn't stop ... until almost 11pm. He didn't take a sip of water, barely paused between subjects, which went from American history, to the differences in the grasp of the English language between Obama and Bush (one of my fave quotes of the night was that Obama "speaks in perfect, upppercase Hellvetica font), to why he hates Thanksgiving and texting, to being friends with William SHatner, to seeing the punk band Bad Brains for the first time, to starring in the TV series Son of Anarchy, to traveling the world. He bounced around subjects like a pinball, and the nearly three hours flew by. It was one of the more amazing performances I've seen onstage, music or otherwise. He also keeps it very democratic. For instance, he obviously doesn't like Rush Limbaugh, but he definitely stands up for the guy's right to be on the radio, no matter what he says. He is totally against racism and most other isms, but he plays a white supremacist on Sons of Anarchy, and explained why he chose to do so.

Devin, me, Robin, Steven (Robin's brother) and Karen

Devin is a freelance writer and his official review of Rollins was in Charleston Scene's online edition as well a fabulous photo by your truly! Did you see that photo credit? I'm a star!!

On Saturday night it was, well... totally different from Friday! We had an offer for free concert tickets to see Brad Paisley and Miranda Lambert at the coliseum. I knew that Robin really liked Paisley (and country music) so I agreed to go. I've never been a big country fan. There are a few country artists that I enjoy like Darius Rucker (Duh, I live in Charleston!) and Sugarland. The only country concert that I've seen was outside at the fairgrounds. It was redneck land from hell.

After parking in BFE we made it inside to find out that we had amazing seats! We were in the 4th row just above the risers. The crowd was very into their country thing and I very much felt like a minority. I'm glad we weren't in a section where people were being obnoxious. It was actually a pretty laid back section because of the location of the seats. We could either stand or sit and either way we had a great view. I enjoyed both shows, especially Miranda Lambert. I really liked her hair... I'm thinking of getting a cut now!


I was really surprised at the production that went into Paisley's show. I think most of the time he was preforming I was watching the videos on the big screens behind him!


This coming weekend my friend Jimmy is coming to visit from Greenville. Saturday night we are going to Hyman's (his request) and then to The Treehouse reunion at Club Pantheon. The Treehouse was a club in Charleston that we practically lived at about 15 years ago. Back then I worked a 4-12pm shift and would bring a change of clothes with me. After my shift I would make a quick change and head out. After a night of dancing we would go for breakfast and sometimes head to the beach to watch the sun rise. This was practically every night! There's no way I could do that these days. I'm really looking forward to hearing the old tunes from the club - DJ Jesse is spinning! as well as seeing some familiar faces!

Results and Ticks

Monday morning I called the Dr. McNellis’s office to see if they had my biopsy results and I was told that the doctor would be in surgery all day and would not be able to review the results until the following day. I was pretty anxious so I pulled a favor from Dr. Eads, my former boss, who is now my primary care doctor. I knew that Dr. Eads could get the report so I decided to email him. I would have made a call to his office but the last months events were way too much to relay through a receptionist! The problem was I lost his email address ages ago so I decided to send him a Facebook message to let him know what was happening. I followed my email up by asking him if there was a CPT code for a Facebook consult, which I’m sure he found amusing.

Dr. Eads knows my family history and probably knew I was a little freaked out by the whole situation. I didn’t hear from him that afternoon, nor did I hear from McNellis’s office so I called them on my way home and was told “You know, the doctor is really busy seeing patients.” Having run a medical practice I’m well aware of how it all works, but I also know that after my CT scan at this practice I NEVER received a call with my results so I had no problem with being persistent.

The next morning I received a call from Dr. Eads with the “unofficial” test results. He told me that all the samples were benign but there is still a slight chance (10%) that cancer cells may exist deep within the calcification. He said that surgery was probably inevitable but of course that was Dr. McNellis’s call. He also said there might be a chance of McNellis ordering a more invasive biopsy. Ugh. I felt much better after hearing this, but was still really aggravated that I was hearing this from Dr. Eads and not Dr. McNellis. I think I much prefer a physician that is patient satisfaction driven and not numbers driven!

Later in the afternoon I called Mcnellis’s office again and was told that he STILL has not had a chance to review my results. I was really thankful for Dr. Eads because at this point I would have been going nuts not knowing what was happening. Dr. McNellis knows nothing about the high rate of cancer in my family, but that shouldn’t even be a factor. What if it really was something serious and needed urgent attention?

On Wednesday afternoon I called Dr. McNellis’s office for the fourth time. The nurse got on the phone and said “Oh, he JUST gave me your chart. The cells in the specimen were a-typical and no cancer was present and he wants me to schedule a follow-up for you to come in and discuss surgery options.” Now, really? How difficult was that? It probably took him two seconds to look at my chart and make that decision.

On Monday, the 8th of March I have an appointment scheduled with his office for allergy testing so I made my follow-up for Wednesday, the 10th so we can discuss the allergy test results as well as possible surgery. I am not really excited at the thought of surgery but I will do what I have to do to not suffer like some of my family has.

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This morning I woke up to get ready for work and while taking a shower I felt something a little unusual where the bottom of your butt meets the upper inside of your thigh (if that makes sense!) … almost in what Robin would refer to as your “bathing suit area” At first I thought it was a large pimple and scratched it. When I looked at what I scratched off it was black and a little bloody. Ew! It was a freakin’ tick! I felt again to see if I got it all but really couldn’t tell. I finished my shower and sent Robin a text message telling her to hurry home from work! Next, I called my boss with probably the most insane call-in ever! I told her I would be a little late because of my “situation!”

I took a nap so I wouldn’t have to think about the thing still being inside of me and Robin arrived a little after 8am. After an up-close inspection Robin said I got the whole thing out and the hole was still very angry. Also, I guess the tick was a little picky because it bit three different places until it found the tastiest spot.

I have no idea where the tick came from since we haven’t been in the woods this week. Robin had one on her last week (very close to her front bathing suit area) but that was right after a day of geocaching. I can only assume that when I let the dogs out at 4am this morning (they woke me up!) Lucas brought one in with him. He always sleeps under the covers with us so I’m thinking he jumped off of him and on to me. I think we need to have a conference with him to let him know that he needs to leave his “friends” outside where they belong!

Full Moon

What a lazy weekend!

I took Friday off because I was experiencing a lot of tenderness in my throat from the biopsy as well as a massive headache. I felt bad because we had plans that evening to go to Bowen's Island with some of Robin's friends and I just wasn't feeling up to it. I tried to get her to go without me, but she wouldn't budge. To be honest, I'm a little afraid to go to Bowen's Island... have you seen the pictures? Interesting! Supposedly they have fantastic seafood - the best around, but you know, even though I grew up on the coast I've never had a taste for it. I always have people telling me that I just haven't had it the right way, but believe me... I've tried!

This was Robin's weekend to work so we lounged around for most of it. She worked Friday and Saturday and had today off so we slept in and then did some caching. It's starting to get warmer and and warmer so the little critters will be starting to come out - especially the slithery kind! We need to do all the caches in the woods before Spring hits so we don't have any unexpected encounters!

I think I'm ready to start placing caches now and have been trying to think of some interesting and cool places to put them. I emailed Mayor Heitzler and told him a bit about geocaching and said that I hoped he could grant me permission to place some caches in some of the historical places in Goose Creek as well as a request for ideas he might have for cache locations. We'll see what he says!

On the way home tonight after caching Robin pointed out the moon. It was so huge and beautiful! We stopped home and grabbed my camera (I really need to keep it with me at all times!) and headed over to Bushy Park boat landing. The view was amazing!

"We are all in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars."
~Oscar Wilde

Mystery Lump

A couple of months ago I noticed a small lump on the right back side of my neck right at the hair line. Every once in a while I'll get a swollen gland and they normally go away, but for some reason this one was sticking around. I felt it every once in a while and when it was the size of a small marble I finally mentioned it to my physician, Dr. Eads. His first thought was to send me for a CT scan but then he decided to give me a round of antibiotics for two weeks to see if it was some sort of nasty infection. After the antibiotics the lump was still there. Dr. Eads then decided to send me to an ENT, Dr. McNellis.

At this point in time I had developed a rash that looked a lot like ringworm that was directly over the lump.

Just because it's a ring doesn't mean it's a worm!

I initially put Eucerin on it and then moved on to triple antibiotic ointment and then benadryl. Robin finally got me some Tinactin and that seemed to help a little. Dr. McNellis asked me if the rash came first because apparently a rash can cause gland and lymph nodes to become infected. I told him that I've had the lump for several months and the rash for only a few weeks and had also developed another rash on my left hip. At that point the Dr. sent me down the hall for a CT scan. After the scan he wrote me a couple of prescriptions for my horrible allergies, scheduled me for allergy testing and also referred me to a dermatologist.

A couple of days later I went to see the dermatologist, Dr. Hannegan, who took a sample of both rashes and told me that they were fungal, but not ringworm. She gave me even more prescriptions and a follow-up appointment.

A week and a half passed by and I got a phone call from Dr. McNellis's scheduler, Michelle. She told me that Dr. McNellis had her schedule a biopsy of my lump at St. Francis Hospital. Um...what?? I was really surprised that I had not received a phone call from the doctor himself to discuss the results of the CT and now all of the sudden I am scheduled for a biopsy?!?

The biopsy was yesterday afternoon at 1pm. I was told to arrive between 11:30 and 12:00 and to also make sure I had no food or drink after 6am. Being a diabetic I was a little concerned about not eating because I tend to get nauseated if I don't eat on schedule. The morning was really rough because I drink a ton of water throughout the day. The worst part of the day was no coffee! Also, that morning at work was the service awards and they bought bagels, fruit and juice for all the employees. I just sat there swallowing my own saliva to keep my throat moist. It was sheer torture.

Robin came to pick me up at 11am and we drove to McNellis's office to pick up the CT disk to take to the hospital. I asked her to bring my laptop because I wanted to see the image. We loaded it up and you could definitely see a mass. I pirated a copy of the CD (which they ended up giving back to me!) to my laptop and we headed over to St. Francis.

After I was checked in they brought me to get my vitals and then to a prep room where I changed into a hospital gown. A nurse came in to put the IV in my arm and asked me a billion questions. They finally allowed Robin to come in and that was really a relief since the feeling of sitting a hospital room is one of the loneliest feelings in the world. Also, everywhere I looked there was Jesus! I had to remind myself that I was at St. Francis! I loathe hospitals for the most part and seeing Jesus didn't make me feel much better!

Robin and I chatted and goofed around and she took a picture of me with her iPhone

My super sexy hospital gown!

After a long wait. transport finally showed up to bring me downstairs. I was really confused because when he came in the room he said "You going to ultrasound?" and I said "No" and he said "Yes you are" - Huh?? He took me to a small room that had two nurses and a doctor. One of the nurses did an ultrasound of the front of my neck and then sent the images to the doctor.

A few minutes later the doctor came back in and he discussed with me the procedure that was going to happen. I was so confused because everyone was talking about a thyroid biopsy and I wasn't sure how that was related to the lump in the back of my neck! I asked him and he said they weren't related and then went on to say "sometimes when you look at something you end up finding something else!" He told me that I had a large amount of calcification's in my thyroid and that is what they would be doing the biopsy today. I was so confused. If this is what Dr. McNellis ordered why did he not call me to discuss this??

They made Robin leave the room and then they prepared me for the procedure. They put a towel under my shoulder so my neck would be high and visible then they sterilized my neck with betadine. The doctor put a drape over my chest and chin so only my neck was exposed. He then gave me a shot of lidocaine which numbed the area. I had asked several people if this procedure would hurt and they all said no. They lied.

After the lidocaine he put a needle in my throat down into my thyroid. The doctor made the comment that he could actually feel the calcification's with the needle. Apparently the calcification's were pretty tough because he DUG AROUND with that damn needle for several minutes. It was so uncomfortable and painful. I could feel the pressure in my throat and started crying from the pain. I really wanted Robin to be there. The whole thing was awful. The doctor ended up taking 3 specimens and told me that I should expect the results at the beginning of the week. I was so glad it was over.

They gave me a box of tissues and wheeled me into the hallway where I waited for Robin. I was so glad to see her. The nurse wheeled me back upstairs to a private room where I had to stay for an hour where my blood pressure was continually checked. Robin and I planned on getting lunch after we left so I had the nurse bring me some crackers and ginger ale just so I could get something in my stomach. I tried to nap while Robin read but I was still in pain and uncomfortable with the blood pressure cuff on and IV needle in.

After my hour was up the nurse came in and took the IV needle out. My arm wasn't resting on anything so it was wobbling around and the nurse couldn't get the tape off and all the while she was pulling on the needle... she ended up blowing my vein. Ugh.

Ew.

Transport brought a wheelchair up to my room to escort me out of the hospital. I really wish that wasn't necessary - I really could have walked! As we cruised (incredibly fast! Robin could barely keep up!) from wing to wing I kept a lookout for Joan, who works at St. Francis. Of course I would have made "Speedracer Wheelchair Driver" turn on the breaks so I could meet my favorite blogger! No such luck... perhaps she was out and about walking our lovely city with her camera!

We finally reached the door and I was FREE! and hungry!!! We had some delicious Chinese buffet and headed home. I was sore, tired and so glad it was over, but I'm still wondering what the hell the lump is at the back of my neck!!

Results to come...

RSVP

One of the major obstacles that I have come across while going through Mom's things is what to do with everything! People really don't understand just how much sewing, craft and painting stuff she had! I wish the room was more organized... I would take a photo of it all. Right now we have gone through a lot and things are moved all about so it's a jumble of stuff!

For a couple of months I have been looking online and asking friends for any ideas regarding the possibility of donating Mom's fabric - about 15 large boxes! I thought of selling the fabric but didn't really know how to go about that. I finally made the decision that I wanted to donate it to someone who will use it for the greater good. I wanted the fabric to be used to make things that will benefit someone.

I searched nursing homes and other places looking for an outreach program and finally found the Cobblestone Quilters. The guild has a group that makes quilts that are donated to the needy and I thought that was a great idea. I sent an email to the group and was told that the outreach coordinator would contact me ASAP. The President of the group said they were very interested. After not hearing from them for a while I sent another email and received no response. Months passed and I was still looking around for someone who would put this fabric to use.

A couple of weeks ago I came up with the idea to email Joan Perry who writes my favorite blog: Charleston Daily Photo. I knew that Joan worked at one of the local hospitals as the volunteer coordinator so I thought that she MUST know someone who would be appreciative of the donation. I emailed Joan and received a response later in the day. I knew she would come through!! She gave me the number of a woman named Pam who works at the American Red Cross in North Charleston. Pam runs RSVP, which is the Retired and Senior Volunteer Program for the Red Cross. I sent Pam and email and we chatted back and forth. Pam told me that she would LOVE the fabric and could really put it to good use! In one of her emails she told me this:

I can promise that your mom’s things will help in two ways.

1. The items that are made are requested by agencies to help others...wheelchair and walker bags, comfort dolls, lap robes, baby blankets & hats, tote bags filled with personal care items.

2. The volunteers that make the items are usually either very elderly or have health problems. They have the skills and time and cannot help others by going out into agencies… this is their way of doing for others. They feel great, as they should. I actually had a volunteer tell me the other day that if it wasn’t for her sewing she would have “slit her throat” a long time ago. Guess that tells you something! Your mom will be smiling down on you I am sure.

I felt so relieved!

Tonight I packed up my Jeep for tomorrow's drop-off at 2:30. Oddly enough, The Red Cross office is in the same building as my office so I don't have to travel too far!!

Packed and ready to go!

I really think that Mom would have been happy with the decision I made to donate the fabric. I know the people who receive the finished product made from the fabric won't know Mom and probably won't even stop to think about where the fabric came from. I hope with all my heart that the items are made with as much love and care that my Mom had when making things and are eventually cherished by the people who receive the gift.

Thanks so much Joan for leading me to Pam and the RSVP program at the Red Cross!

Anniversary

Last Wednesday was the anniversary of my Mother's death. I can't believe it's already been a year. I planned to take the day off to do something fun with Robin to keep my mind off of things but what I didn't expect was that Tuesday was actually the hardest day. Tuesday was the day that I spent the morning trying to call my Mom to let her know that Uncle David passed away. I tried all morning and then called my sister, Traci, and had her stop by Mom's on the way to work. That's when she found Mom. For most of the morning I was okay but as the day went on my mind wandered to that day a year ago. I did my best to just focus on work.

When I came home Robin was still sleeping since she works nights. I crawled in the bed next to her and looked over at the bathroom and it was so hard to hold back the tears. I am so glad I was not here for the events that unfolded that day and that I didn't actually see Mom laying on the bathroom floor. I'm still trying to understand how the image is burned in my mind and I didn't even witness it.

It's much easier sleeping in Mom and Dad's bedroom now that we've painted it. I really have to think hard to remember how it used to look and that's a good thing. The bathroom is a work in progress since we have to re-do the floors. We've decided on a paint color and this weekend Robin spackled some of the holes in the wall. Eventually it will be easier to go in there.

On the 3rd we decided to drive to Murrell's Inlet to go to Brookgreen Gardens. I have been to Brookgreen Gardens before but it has been years. Also, the day I visited was probably the hottest day South Carolina has ever seen and it was so hard to enjoy the sculpture and gardens. Wednesday was a gorgeous and sunny day with a high of 67! I love "Winter" days like this!

This weekend was a lazy one, which is nice once in a while - especially when it's rainy! We did venture out today to do some Geocaching. Robin was on #29 and wanted to reach 30 this weekend. We actually did 11 caches so she hit 40.

Caching in South Carolina is so disappointing. The cache hiders aren't creative I find most of the hides kind of boring. I would love to take Robin back to Ohio where the cachers are abundant and very clever with their hides. In South Carolina the caches are one boring micro after another. ugh!

The last cache of the day was down this dirt road pretty close to the house. I have been down the main road hundreds of times and never noticed this road before. I started to get excited because I love a cache that brings me to an interesting location. We traveled down the dirt road and I was thankful we were in the Jeep and not the Miata! We finally arrived at the end of the road which brought us to the Goose Creek Reservoir. We followed the GPSr down a path which was really close to the water. I made the statement that this was where the gators live... not to mention their friend the snake! Luckily we didn't run into any of them!

We continued our walk through the woods/swamp and I decided to check out the cache description. Damn! It was a micro! This was the perfect place for a regular cache with great swag and the jerk hides a freakin' micro! What a waste! After we signed the log and replaced the cache we headed back and as we passed the reservoir I asked Robin to get my camera. The sun was setting and there was a pelican and a couple of egret hanging out. It was gorgeous!



After much fresh, cold air all day we went home and I immediately changed into my soft pants, ordered pizza and am now sitting here blogging while Robin watches the Super Bowl. I hope her team gets some home runs :)

Life is good.