As most of us know, Wednesday means Sylvia Browne on Montel. I waited with baited breath to hear her mention the Chupacabra's of the lower levels of Mexico to no avail.
el chupacabra!It was a pretty lame show with lots of crazy, gullible people. I, however, had an epiphany during the show! I have decided that for my next career I am going to be a psychic medium with the tips that I have learned from Sylvia on Montel:
1. When someone mentions that they have lost a loved one always remember to say "awwww" with my best-ever smokers voice.
2. When people mentions that they feel a "presence" next to them in the car, in the house - wherever! ALWAYS tell them it's their spirit guide and quickly make up some clever name on the spot... like Juanita.
3. When people bring in photographs of dust, moisture and other particles, ABSOLUTELY dismiss all possible scientific evidence disproving any other theory and tell the people that these are "orbs" and NOT ONLY are they "orbs", they are ANGELS! Remember! ORBS ARE ALWAYS ANGELS! (even dust orbs!)
4. When people ask you if their loved one was in pain when they passed, never ever say "Yep!" Always tell them they felt no pain when transitioning to the "other side" (why break your track record!)
5. When people ask if their deceased loved ones are ever with them ALWAYS tell them yes! Again, why break your track record and tell them no?
Those are all the tips I can think of at the moment. I am sure that everything else will fall into place when I make the career move!
Move Over Sylvia!!
There are many strange things about Ohio, but the one I think is most peculiar is what locals call the "drive-thru". Basically it's a store that cars drive through (how clever!) Some person comes up to your car and you tell them what you want. They run and go get it and then bring it to you and you pay them for it... then you drive out of the building. You can get soda, beer, wine, cigarettes (for your cancer on the go!) candy, chips - anything your heart desires!
My ex-girlfriend was at my house and was not feeling well and I asked her if she wanted me to get her some ginger ale or something (how sweet am I?) and she said yes. I had total bed head so I put on my ball cap and decided that I was going to conquer my fear of the "drive-thru"... I made Becky (who was also afraid) come with me. The closest "drive-thru" is literally a block away, but I don't think you can walk through the "drive-thru", so we drove the block to the "Beer Depot"
It was quick, easy and painless. I'm still not sure about the whole "drive-thru" situation. I haven't been back since. Also, the ginger ale didn't help since it was her gallbladder, which had to be removed a couple of weeks later.
Maybe one day I will give the "drive-thru" another chance. There's one up the street that looks very inviting. It's called the "Zip-Thru"
