Friday, September 07, 2007

Hootie Drunkfest

I'm probably the only person you know that would drive 2 hours just to see Hootie & the Blowfish and I'm not afraid to admit it. I can't even count how many times I have seen them starting with their college days at USC. They are lowcountry boys and for the most part, I probably relate more to the lowcountry than any place I have ever lived. I just like their music.

It's always strange seeing Hootie play someplace other than South Carolina. I am so used to seeing them at the Music Farm and small venues around town. People at the Hootie shows in Charleston usually act very casual and I suppose it's because they are such a part of the scene in town... like it's no big deal to see Darius Rucker at a concert the prior week. I remember just before I moved from Charleston I went to see Blues Traveler with some friends at the Music Farm. We were standing on the balcony and I looked down and saw Darius. My friend Devin noticed him the same time I did and asked me if I wanted to meet him. You all know how I am about the celebrity hunt but I declined to be officially introduced. I've met Darius at his own shows but it just seemed too intrusive to bother him when he was out enjoying music on his own time.

The show in Indianapolis was strange. It was actually a weekend-long event called "Ribfest" which is just about as trashy sounding as you can get. There are a ton of vendors that sell BBQ and the others sell... well... beer and liquor. The layout of the place was incredibly hard to follow and it was hot. BBQ + beer & liquor + hot weather = obnoxious drunk people.

Justin and I walked around for a bit and found the tent where Rupert from Survivor: Pearl Islands was signing autographs. I must say that he was probably the nicest celebrity that I have ever met. We put a couple of dollars in his donation jar of the charity he started called "Rupert's Kids" and he said thank you then asked if I wanted an autograph. He took a picture with both Justin and myself and was just so accomodating. He really couldn't have been nicer.

We continued our walk around the park and discussed how we could not believe how much food and drinks were. Everything you bought had to be purchased with tickets. The tickets were 7 for $10 and a bottle of Coke was 3 tickets if that tells you anything! I bought a shaved ice which was cold and delicious and made my tongue turn blue which pleased me to no end. We knew that Big Head Todd & the Monsters were coming on at 6:30 so we made our way back to the VIP section to catch the show.

At this point most of the people were milling about the park so the crowd for Big Head Todd was not humongous and most seats in the VIP section were still vacant. We (kind of) met a family that was sitting in front of us. The little boy was wearing a t-shirt that said "Future Rock Star" and the little girl was wearing a t-shirt that said something about punk rock. I can't remember exactlys. The mom asked me how I knew about Big Head Todd and I told her that I had been a long-time fan and she made a comment about how many young people that were there and how she was wondering how they knew about Big Head Todd. I told her that not many of them were in the VIP section since those seats were not free and the others were... Both her kids, who were about 7-8 years old, I am guessing, knew most all of the Big Head Todd lyrics, which amused me greatly. I wondered to myself if Justin and I ever have kids, will they know the lyrics to Tori Amos and Siouxsie songs?

After BHT was over we walked around decided to grab some super-expensive food and drink. We only had a couple of tickets left and had to plan out what we were going to buy. Neither of us wanted to get any more tickets because of the ridiculous price! We managed to feed ourselves with the couple of ticket we had. It was literally BBQ fest food rationing!

Hootie was going to come on so we headed back to the VIP section. I told Justin that I wanted to go up front when they started playing so I could get some pictures. When I saw the crowd gathering I went up front and was basically the third person back. I could immediately tell the crowd was very drunk and knew that it was going to get bad. When the show started I knew I was definitely not in Charleston. These people acted like The Who was onstage! I kind of stood there in disbelief while looking around at the crowd. Perhaps I'm jaded and have just seen them so many times that I wasn't getting all fan-girly about it like everyone else. I mean, it's Hootie and the Blowfish... come on!

I started taking some pictures and it seemed that each time I tried to, this girl behind me would knock into me. At first I just turned around and she would say "oh sorry!" but then she became so obnoxious that it was really getting out of control. She was incredibly drunk and I really wanted to hurt her. She kept pushing me, leaned on me, rested her heavy-with-drunkness arms on my shoulders... I kept pushing her off of me and finally turned around told her to stay the fuck off of me. I asked her how it was that I had not touched the people in front of me yet she could not stay off of me? She looked at me with glazed over eyes and said "I don't even know what you just said!" Even the guy next to me was getting battered and had words with her. She hit me one last time so I turned around and grabbed her right arm and gave her the biggest Indian Burn that I have given anyone since the 6th grade. I looked her in the eye and said "you won't feel it now, but you'll feel it tomorrow!" She disappeared after that and I wonder if she remembered me the next day?

This incident made me think about a couple of things. First of all, why is it called an "Indian" Burn? I have discussed this with my friend Becky and we think that most Native Americans surely had other means of warfare... don't you think? Or, perhaps this is some weird custom in India that we don't know about. Half the people I work with are from India... maybe I should ask? The second thing I thought after this incident was when my friend Mark and I went to see the Sugarcubes in Atlanta in 1988. We were in the front row and this girl kept trying to pry her way between us. After pushing her away for nearly an hour, Mark finally grabbed the fleshy part under her arm, pinched it and twisted it really hard. This made her leave. I wonder why people act so stupid at concerts?

Back to Hootie...

Halfway into the show I looked back toward the seats and all I could see was a sea of people. I was wearing flip-flops and the thought of getting stepped on by drunk people didn't seem too appealing. I decided to stay put and not fight the crowd. Poor Justin was all alone but I found out later he was busy replacing me with a new girlfriend during the show and not so lonely, after all! :)

After the show I was waiting for the crowd to move and this girl pushed into me and practically knocked me over. I pushed her off of me and she turned around and said "Are you fucking kidding me, bitch, what is your problem?" I just looked at her and said "uh, you pushed me over" and she said she was knocked over... ummm, okay. My adrenaline was sky high and I really wanted to smack her but all I could imagine was Justin looking over and seeing me and this 90 lb. troll in a fight so I just decided that it was time to get the hell out of Indiana and walked away as I listened to her talk crap about me the whole way back to Justin.

I made Justin promise me that he won't ever let me go to the front of a crowd during a dunk-fest concert again...

I think that was the most traumatic Hootie show I have ever been to!

Pics from the show:

Taxing Situations

I had to share this story...

Tuesday morning I attended the funeral of my friends father. On the way back to work I stopped at the Walgreen's to get a couple of things. I bought two soda's (or "pop" for you Ohioans) and went to the register to check out.

Behind the register were two girls in their late twenties/early thirties. One was a trainee (according to her nametag) and the other was (apparently) the trainer. I put my things on the counter and the trainee went to ring up the first of the drinks. The register beeped and didn't ring up the drink at all. The trainer said "those are $1.29 each" to the trainee. I interrupted that they were on sale two for $2. The trainer said the first one will ring up regular price and the second one will ring up the difference. Okay dokey.

Well, the second one rang up $1.29, also. The trainer looked really confused and a line started forming in back of me. The trainer told the trainee that the drinks would should ring up for a total of $2.14 so the trainer took over and proceeded to ring up one drink for $1.14 and the other for a $1. I still had other things for them to ring up so I asked why she rang up the soda's for a total (before tax) of $2.14 and she said "oh, it's the total with the tax" and I said "well, most of the time you ring up the product for the price, then you hit "total" and the register will automatically add the tax"

The trainer looked really confused and I continued... "so basically you are going to double tax me if you ring it up with the tax already added and then hit total, taxing me again." I really could not even believe that I was having this conversation with an adult... the same adult that was training another employee.

The trainer looked at me, then at the trainee (who had stepped out of the way of the super (not really) confusing situation and then said "I don't know what that means" and I just said "trust me!" I looked back at the people standing in back of me in line and they were all nodding in agreement with me. The trainer said with a slight attitude "it's not my fault they aren't ringing up in the register!"

I'm not sure what that last comment had to do with figuring out how not to double tax people but... whatever!

Reminds me of the song "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies that Becky and I sing to each other on occasion:

"all I wanted was a Pepsi and she wouldn't give it to me..."

Monday, August 06, 2007


I keep telling myself that I am too old to go out on a "school night" but sometimes these things just can't be helped. We had tickets to see Rasputina at the Southgate House in Newport, Kentucky. The venue is this gorgeous old home that has been transformed into a concert hall. There is a history of the house on the website, but I really wish there photos of what the house looked like on the inside before it was altered.

We arrived pretty early and watched the opening act My Brightest Diamond, which was actually just the lead singer, Shara Worden. As the show progressed I quickly realized how much I appreciate the smoking ban in Ohio. Being that we were in Kentucky there were smokers galore and soon my eyes were itchy and watery and with every breath I took in, I inhaled smoke. The smell of cloves made me want to vomit. I was pretty miserable but tried to not think about it. I told Justin that whenever we move anywhere it must be in a smoke-free state! My eyes are still burning almost 24-hours later.

Rasputina finally came on and their outfits were amazing! Corsets, skirts and lovely hair... the girls were gorgeous. They played a lot from thier new album and a couple of old ones. I was sad that they didn't play 'Transylvanian Concubine' or 'The Olde Headboard'... They did, however play 'Wish You Were Here', which is (although a cover song by Pink Floyd) is probably my favorite that they do! I just love the cello in it... so haunting.

We were sitting in the balcony area and had a great view of the stage and audience. During the show there were several people that were slightly irritating. There was the clapper guy who kept clapping to no particular beat and then most irritating was the obnoxious bald guy who kept yelling out song titles during the show when he wasn't trying to chat up the band between songs. Rasputina's lead singer, Melora, took a couple of minutes between songs to chat with the audience. She made the comment to other band members that this was the chattiest audience she had ever encountered in her entire career. It was at this point that we realized how snatchy a wanna-be diva Melora really is.

People were asking her questions and she would snap back a nasty comment. For instance... One girl told her that this was her bachelorette party and Melora said "What am I supposed to do about that?" then another person requested a song to be played to which Melora responded "Maybe if you had pronounced it correctly we might have played it!" There were several other snatchy comments but I've apparently blocked them out! Justin will have to remind me!

After the show we (of course!) waited around to meet the band. The drummer, Jonathan, was busy packing everything up and moving so fast that I didn't really want to bother him. We moved from place to place to try to figure out where and when Melora and Sarah would be coming out. We moved back downstairs and finally met up with Sarah who was super nice and very willing to take a picture with us. We asked her when Melora was coming out and she said she was doing an interview and probably would not be available. I didn't like that answer!

We proceeded with our stalking and eventually planted ourselves outside of the door that led to the dressing rooms. There were two other people waiting as well. The entire hall was basically clear of people with the exception of the staff and band members. After several minutes Melora finally came out and headed downstairs. We headed the other way with hopes of catching her before she left. We had already talked about the fact that it seemed that she was in a bad mood so we weren't surprised at what followed!

Melora was signing something for the other people that had been waiting and then headed for the stage to pack her cello and other things up. Justin caught her attention and told her that it was a great show to which she snapped "thanks!" and turned around. I walked to the other side and called her name. She turned around and said "Yes?" and I said "Would you mind taking a quick picture with us" and she said "Well, I need to pack up my things" and I (not taking no for an answer!) said "no problem... we will wait... take your time!" And wait we did! She packed everything up and at one point we offered to help her carry some of the heavier things out and all she said was "you can help by getting out of the way of the ramp!" Ummmm... Is her name Melora or Madonna? Anyway, she came back and said "Now... what did you want?" And we took a quick picture and got the hell away from Grumpzilla.

On the way home Justin and I discussed all of our celebrity encounters and decided that this was probably one of the rudest "celebrities" we have ever met! I think it's so disappointing because we both love Rasputina and will we forevermore think of this incident when we hear those beautiful cello's and gorgeous voices? I could (maybe) understand her behaviour if there was a mob of people but there were only four of us! I think someone forgot that people like us are the reason that she can even afford to do what she loves while touring the world.

The Devil in disguise... Justin and I with Melora (aka "Grumpzilla") of Rasputina. See how she traumatized Justin?? He won't even get close to her!!!


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Soft Clothes

Today at work all I could think about was going home and putting some on some soft clothes and just relaxing. I am really stressed at work. It is a huge business that apparently has never been caught up as far as their billing goes. I started there 3 months ago and finally got it caught up within a month. Last month we acquired a bunch of crackhead patients from another pain doctor that lost his license. These patients are so drugged up on pain medications that they have no idea what insurance they have and the pain clinic staff doesn't seem to mind that the patients give them half of their demographic information, which makes my job a nightmare. I really could go on forever because there are so many issues. I guess when I complained that I was bored at my last job, the Gods/Goddesses were listening and smacked me upside the head with the complete opposite!

For the last few days my neck and shoulders have been killing me. I have a hard time turning my head and have a lot of spasms radiating to my shoulder blades. At first I thought I might have slept wrong, but I really do think it is stress induced. At work I really have to concentrate on what I am doing because of all the rules that go along with each department and doctor numbers so I usually put on my earphones and tune everyone out. Today, in the middle of keying I realized how tense my body was. I started questioning if I was always like that or was it just the music I was listening to? I think that I get so involved with what I am doing that I don't really relax. I need to pay more attention to that!

This past week has been very hectic! I saw a lot of Justin, which was nice. Hopefully he's not tired of looking at my face since he saw me four days in a row! I think that is a record for us. I know that we have done 3 days in a row, but I'm not too sure about 4. You might think that is a weird thing to think about, but considering that we live an hour away from each other it really is hard to arrange time to see each other. With his work, my work and his school we are lucky to have 2 days a week.... so, 4 was nice!

Wednesday night we went to see the True Colors Tour in Columbus. It was also the 10 month anniversary of my first date with Justin that only I find important, but I digress...

The concert tickets were an outrageous $72 and we found out that ONLY $1 goes to HRC and the Matthew Shepard Foundation. That is insane! They only used half of the coliseum and that wasn't even sold out. I really think that they should have used the entire coliseum and lowered ticket prices AND donated more than a damn dollar to the causes. I know that a couple of my friends didn't go because the tickets were so damn expensive.

Justin had been reading reviews about the first couple of dates and he told me that Debbie Harry was getting really bad reviews. She wasn't playing any Blondie songs (perhaps royalty issues?) and one of the dates she was MIA! How can she just not show up?? Also, she didn't do the meet and greets like everyone else did after their performances and she didn't join the rest of the acts for the finale of Cyndi Laupers song "True Colors". What a diva! I was pretty disgusted by all of this before we even went to the concert.

When we arrived we walked into the coliseum and heard The Dresden Dolls. I really thought the other bands would have still been on! We quickly found our seats and watched the rest of their set. Luckily enough we didn't miss much and we got to see them perform all of our favorite songs. By the way, can Amanda Palmer be any hotter???

After Dresden Dolls finished their set, Margaret Cho came onstage and said that they would be signing autographs by the merchandise tables during Debbie Harry's set. Justin looked and me and I think we both questioned what we had just heard! I was pretty much like "screw Debbie Harry... I want to meet the Dresden Dolls!" So off we went. The line was long and I think I was the oldest person in the line... well, maybe one or two people were older than me. I did go back in the coliseum to watch Debbie for a few minutes so I can at least say I saw her perform. I had met her years before so I really didn't care so much, especially since her attitude about the tour was a little snatchy.

After waiting for what seemed like forever we finally had out turn with Brian and Amanda. Justin asked both of them to marry him. I'm not sure what to think about that... Brian said they would all have to move to L.A. so I guess I will be single again whenever the tour ends :) They were both accomodating and fabulous and well worth missing Debbie Harry for!!!

When we headed back to our seats we ran into Jeffrey, whom we met at the Johnette Napolitano show a couple of weeks ago. He wore his special yellow jumpsuit just for me! Turns out that his seat was near ours... not that he sat in it. He pretty much danced through the show in his yellow jumpsuit in the area where no one was sitting. People kept taking pictures of him because, really... who wears a yellow jumpsuit to a concert?

Erasure played the next set after Debbie. Who knew that the homosexuals loved their Erasure so much?! There were actually several people that left after their set. Why would you pay that much money and skip seeing Cyndi Lauper?? That's crazy. Speaking of Cyndi. She was phenomenal! She put on an amazing show! I have always loved her, but I really do have a whole new respect for her.

Work the next day was not fun. I decided I am way too old to be going out on school nights! That night Justin was in town so we met for dinner.

On Friday Justin's tarot guild was having an open night so all of us Muggles could go and see what exactly they are up to. It was a session on the Akashic Record, which I think it really interesting. We had to do this exercise on free-form writng and I just couldn't do it. I was alone, sitting in a quiet area, trying to concentrate and I felt like if I started to write, I would start cyring. I'm glad I wasn't on my period or we would have ALL been in trouble! I chose to write nothing. I just didn't want to expose myself like that, even though I knew that no one would ever see what I wrote. I felt like the flood gates would open and I try so hard to keep them in check... ya know?

So... Saturday was our second White Trash night... or "WT Night" as we so lovingly call it. Last week Justin and Becky came over and we made Chef Boyardee pizza's that come in a box. None of us had them since we were kids so we bought a couple and hung out. We were going to make beautiful jewelry, but sadly, my supplies hadn't arrived yet! This past Saturday night it was only Justin and I since Becky was out of town. We decided to make Manwiches and tater tots. I mean, really... you can't get much more WT than that! It actually was really good if I do say so myself! I am quite the WT chef!

Our original plan was to eat our WT cuisine, make some fabulous jewelry (since I had received all of my lovely supplies!) and watch "The Queen", which we have been wanting to see. Turns out that we only had time to eat dinner and make some jewelry. Turns out that I am not only the Jackson Pollack of house painting, but also of jewelry making! The soldering iron is incredibly hot and I am sure am am bound to melt some metal onto my skin eventually. Justin said I get "easily frustrated"... I might be easily frustrated, BUT I am, without a doubt, the Queen of Patience!

Sunday Becky and I had made plans to find a place to go swimming. If you are not aware, Ohio is quite possibly the world worst place to go swimming. The lakes are dirty and filled with oil and gas from the boats and jet ski's. We decided to go to the water park to float on the lazy river and dodge children running around out of control. Sounds fun, huh? Well, we get to the park at 11:30 and the damn thing doesn't open until 1pm. What kind of a water park opens up at 1pm on a weekend? That's crazy. I told Becky I felt like the Griswolds pulling up to Wally World when we pulled in and saw no cars! Oh well! On to plan B.

We went to Caesars Creek (which I am re-naming "Petrol Lake") and put our blanket down in a nice open spot. As our luck would have it, whenever someone came they would put their blanket right next to ours even though there were several wide open spaces. Can someone tell me why this happens?? We proceeded to take off our shorts and shirts and examined our not-ready-for-bathing-suit bodies. For the next couple of minutes we pointed out (literally) all of our flawed and unhappily fat areas of our bodies. My bathing suit is in serious need of retirement. It's too big and the butt just doesn't fit anymore. I have this major sag when I come out of the water, which isn't fun, really. I have to constantly pull the ass up since it's so big.

When we arrived I, of course, did the beach check of seeing if there was anyone with less of a tan or scarier in a bathing suit than me... and thankfully there was, so all was good. What wasn't good was when the extremely hot group of girls sat right next to us. Don't they know that they are breaking the most sacred beach rule? When you are hot, you sit with the other hot people and leave us mediocre people to be miserable on the beach in our too-big bathing suits and extremely white bodies! Ugh! The girls were foreign and spoke a language we couldn't place. I took turns between cursing them silently for sitting next to us with their perfect butts (and they were perfect!) and then wondering if the Dairy Corner would be open when we left for ice cream.

Yes... it's been a hard week. Thank God for soft clothes!

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Today, in the funeral procession for Justin's father, we were the second car behind the hearse. The ride to the cemetery was on a long and winding country road with lots of hills and incredibly green farmland. It's quite beautiful out there, really.

You would really have to love the quiet of the country to enjoy living out as far out as this was. The houses are few and far between with your closest neighbor a quarter of a mile away. The lawns, for the most part, are neatly mowed and beautifully manicured. This is the kind of town where everyone knows everyone and it seems that no one is a stranger, which is very refreshing.

During our drive from the funeral home to the cemetery I noticed a man standing on his lawn tending to his flowers. Just as we were about to pass he turned around and saw the hearse with it's stream of following cars. In an instant, and without thought, he took off his hat and held it over his heart and stood silently as we passed.

It was one of the most touching and beautiful things I have ever witnessed and I don't think I will ever forget the quiet sorrow of that moment for as long as I live.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Soldering Blues

In case you were wondering... yes! It is hard being a future fabulous jewelry designer!

I regularly read the LiveJournal blog of this girl that lives in Texas. I think I found her after she posted a mix on Art of the Mix - one of my favorite websites. The other day she posted a blog about this piece of jewelry that she bought on my current favorite website Etsy. I have seen this type of jewelry before but I suppose I just never paid attention. After looking endlessly online at all of the pendants that the designers made, I thought to myself that I could do that just as well as they could! I soon became obsessed with the idea of creating my own wonderful masterpieces!

Today, after work, I went to find the supplies that I needed to make my lovely little pieces of art. I bought a tutorial from one of the jewelry makers on Etsy which is very detailed and informative. I started out at Home Depot and left empty handed. I couldn't find anything that I needed with the exception of the lead free soldering wire. From there I went to Hobby Lobby, Michaels, Wal-mart, Lowe's Sears and Radio Shack. Not one of those bastards had my supplies! I actually went to the mall... that's how bad it was! Apparently no one in Dayton carries a 100 watt soldering iron and gel flux!

So... what's a girl to do? I now have to order my supplies online instead of having what pleases me most = instant gratification!

I have said it before and I will say it again...

In other news... for those of you that have asked (and don't act like you didn't!) my sidewalk soap is no more :( It finally disappeared about two weeks ago. I came home from work one day and it was just gone. It was there that morning and then vanished into thin air. I am thinking that the guy who mows my lawn threw it away. He's quite handy with getting rid of all the trash that mysteriously ends up in my yard and no one else's! He probably wasn't aware that the soap was beloved by so many people! I was sad to see it go. The only thing that is left is the small spot of sidewalk with soapy residue on Xenia Avenue.


Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Fruit & Underwear

I miss buying fruit in the South. I miss driving down Highway 17 after a day at the beach and seeing the farmers with their trucks on the side of the road selling their fresh vegetables and fruit. I miss being able to buy a half bushel of peaches or nectarines for a couple of bucks and enjoying them for the rest of the drive... wind-blown hair, salt on our skin and peach juice dripping down our chins. Yep, I miss that.

Today I was at Wal-Mart and saw that watermelon's were on "sale" for $3.00. Normally they are about $4.99 throughout the summer so I usually go without, even though I love watermelon (actually that goes for most fruit in Ohio!) I decided to be adventurous and bought one for myself. I worked in the grocery store business for 7 (long!) years so I pretty much know how to tell if fruit is ripe or not. After checking out the melons I picked one and tried to be optimistic about it being a good one. After a couple of hours chilling the fridge I cut it open and it was just mediocre. I just give up. I had the same problem when I lived in Illinois - the fruit was ridiculously expensive and never REALLY good.

I hate to be snatchy about fruit but I'm having a moment.

After my Wal-Mart excursion I was taking out my trash and to do so I have to walk out my kitchen door, then through the back door, across the back yard and into the garage to the back alley. When I walked out into the backyard I noticed something colorful on the ground. It was a pair of my underwear. They were flattened and quite dirty. I picked them up and they were as stiff as a board (not by my doing, mind you!) How odd is that?! The only time I go in the backyard (aka "poopville" thanks to my landlord and his two dogs) is to take out the trash. I parked in the garage a couple of times this past winter but that's about it.

How did my underwear end up in the back yard? It's just weird.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Mixed Berries

I love festivals. I really do. Ohio has A LOT of festivals for many things and I was thinking today about how odd it is that South Carolina doesn't really have a lot of festivals. We had The Grits Festival in St. George. I don't like grits, but I would always go since it was the only festival around. I always wanted to and enter the "Rolling in the Grits" contest. Basically you get weighed before the event. Then you roll around in a huge pool of grits and the person who has the most grits stuck to them wins. My thought was bigger body = more grits. However, I just didn't like the idea of getting weighed in front of hundreds of people.

Then, we had The Chitlin Strut in Salley, SC. I never went to this festival because ... well, it scared me a little. I have had people tell me that this is, by far, the smelliest festival they have ever attended. Ugh.

My favorite festival in South Carolina was the Gullah Festival. I noticed on their website that they actually moved it from St. Helena Island to Beaufort, which I think is tragic since St. Helena Island is much more a part of the Gullah culture than Beaufort. They are also now charging $20 to attend on some days - WOW! When I went years ago it was a small festival for FREE. I mean, who pays to go to a festival? That's just crazy.

We had other festivals in S.C.... really small ones like the Greek Fest and really large ones like the week long Spoleto Festival and Piccolo Spoleto, but these are nothing like the festivals here.

People in Ohio are serious about their festivals and I appreciate that.

Today Justin and I went to the Strawberry Festival in Troy. I was dreading the amount of people that were going to be there, but I like to go to festivals and I like strawberries so off we were. When we got there we met up with Andy, Dawn and their cute fairy baby (Tyler) and walked through the main drag of the festival. Andy and Dawn had been there for a while so they headed out and Justin and I walked back through to look at all the vendors.

The sky was starting to get really dark and we felt a couple of rain drops. The temperature dropped and it was actually quite comfortable compared to the scorching heat earlier in the day. We made it through half of the festival and it started pouring rain. At first it wasn't so bad but then the downpour came. Justin wanted to look at a particular vendors jewelry so we made it to their tent. There were a ton of people in there hiding out from the rain. We stayed there for a bit because it was really coming down. Soon we heard a HUGE clap of thunder which scared pretty much everyone in the tent since it was very loud and very close.

The wind picked up and we all started holding on to the tent so it wouldn't blow away. We could see across the way that other tents were bending in the wind and threatening to fall over. It was quite surreal. I told Justin that I had an image of when the rain stops that we would all creep out like the Munchkins did when the house fell on the Wicked Witch. It was quite a strong little storm.

When we finally did leave the tent we saw an ambulance coming down the main drag of the festival. Most people had run for their cars but there were a couple hundred of us fools that stuck around. They kept making announcements to get out from under the trees because the lightning will stike there. They said that several times but there were still several people who didn't listen.

We decided to get ourselves chocolate covered strawberries and go back to the car. On the way out they made the announcement that the festival was closing and for everyone to leave. The rain had let up so we thought that was kind of odd. They weren't very nice about it either. It was pretty much like "Get out!!" on the PA system.

People were still coming to the festival so we kept telling them that they had closed down so they wouldn't waste their time. The mass exit made traffic a nightmare. When we got home we found out that when we heard the loud clap of thunder it was when a bolt of lightning struck a tree. The ambulance was for a father and his two children who were under the tree when it struck. The news tonight said their condition was unknown. I really hope they are okay. I think that would traumatize me enough to never want another strawberry in my life and how sad would that be?

Monday, July 02, 2007

Blog Stalking

So here's a strange story.

Remember my mentioning that there was a girl in Texas whose blog I read regularly? Well, today I decided to finally come out as her official stalker, which was warmly received by her, being that she is somewhat of a blog stalker herself.

I suppose that I shouldn't really call her a "girl" since she's only a year younger than I am and we all know that I'm no spring chicken.


Courtney introduced me to the band "Stars" whom I LOVE and she introduced me to and she also got me started on my fabulous new jewelry making hobby... all without knowing that she had even done so!


remember me mentioning that I REALLY wanted a skeleton key tattoo and that I had found the style of what I wanted on a MySpace photo? I searched and searched (for hours!) for the picture (because I didn't bookmark it!) and some of you were nice enough to harrass your friends into searching the profiles of their friends to find the elusive photo for me... well, the photo I had seen wasn't on a MySpace profile at all... it was on Courtney's Flickr account (oops!)

How serendipitous!

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Go Ninja, Go!

Last night at the Vanilla Ice concert I think I might have caught some horrifying evidence of celebrity stalking on camera that I should turn over to police...

It seems that there was a very scary drag queen with hideous red fingernails that was trying to attack Vanilla Ice while he was performing! What's even more frightening was that I must have been standing right next to "her" when this was happening! As you can see by my after-concert photo-op below that Vanilla Ice remained unscathed... Lucky for him, since those fingernails look like they could really wound someone!

By the way, let me just mention that this was the most bizarre concert that I have ever been to... and I have been to A LOT of concerts.

First of all, it was in Franklin, Ohio. Never heard of it? Well, there's a reason for that! There's not much to see or do in Franklin. Even more bizarre than the concert being in Franklin, was that the concert was at a bowling alley. Wait! It gets better! The bowling alley is pretty nice as far as bowling alley's go. I had never been there before so I was assuming that the show was going to be in some part of the bar or something. I was sadly mistaken. We followed the crowd outside and as we stood on the deck I looked around in disbelief. There was a sea of sand before my eyes and no ocean in sight. It was a sand volleyball court. Everyone in the crowd had to stand in sand. Apparently Justin knew about all of this but failed to mention it to me. Luckily I wasn't wearing stiletto's or anything!

We walked down the steps and I felt like I couldn't even think because I was still trying to absorb that we had to stand in sand during the concert. This wasn't a small volleyball court, either. It was actually about 3 or 4 full size courts in all. There were chairs set up toward the back and there was a huge open area in front of the stage for the sand/mosh pit I am assuming. We finally found a piece of a wall to lean against while waiting for the show to start.

The opening band was pretty good as far as cover bands go. They finished their second set with "More Human Than Human" by Rob Zombie, which I really enjoyed. The best part of the whole concert was the people watching. It was bountiful! It was a much older crowd than I had expected. I enjoyed watching all of the woman in cocktail dresses and spiked heels struggle and stumble across the sand.

It was a boring and horribly long wait after the opening band until Vanilla Ice came on. I think that they were having technical difficulties or something. When he finally came on it was already 11pm. I wanted to get some pictures so I left the safety of our wall and walked to the front of the stage. It was then that it was confirmed how stupid and obnoxious drunk people are. I know that I was like that once and I wholeheartedly apologize to the world.

My observations about Vanilla Ice's performance are:

1. He sings with a really harsh Muppet-like voice. I am not sure which Muppet it is, really. I want to say the Cookie Monster, but more like the Cookie Monster after having chewed glass.

2. Vanilla Ice really like to spray water from bottles on the audience. He did this with at least 10 water bottles. He would shake it all over everyone and then throw the bottle into the audience. I'm not sure what that is all about.

3. He likes to say "Holy Shit" after every song. It's like Vanilla punctuation.

4. He must like the marijuana since it is the subject of all of his songs.

5. He's faithful and that is endearing. Justin witnessed a girl putting her hand on Vanilla Ice's crotch and he said "I'm not like that" on the mic to her. I heard that part but sadly missed the crotch grabbing.

In the middle of his performance he played "Ice Ice Baby" and invited the hoochie mama's onstage with him. First it was a couple, then it was to the point where it was like playing "Where's Waldo". I kept looking at Justin and saying "where is he??" So, there are all of the bimbo's onstage and we can't even see him and the really bad thing is that the bimbo's were there until the end of the show. At one point I looked at Justin and said again "where is he" and Justin said "he left the stage... the show is over!" I consider myself to be a pretty intelligent person, but I never heard the music stop and I never heard him say an official goodbye to the crowd. It was just weird how the show ended. The girls were still on the stage dancing and I just assumed that he was lost up there... Waldo style.

We decided to wait for our photo-op and the crowd slowly started disappearing. The sand pit was a disgusting mess. Justin asked a couple of people where Vanilla Ice would be coming out and they pointed to the VIP area. There were staff members guarding the VIP entrances so we had to come up with a plan to meet Vanilla Ice. We were talking to some people across the wall, who were sitting in the VIP section and one guy told us that we should just go up there since half the people up there didn't have VIP bracelets on. We decided to go to the guard and ask to be let in. He told Justin no and that only VIP members could go in. Well, right afterward, RIGHT IN FRONT OF US, he let several hoochie's in! I could not believe that he did that right in front of us!

I asked the guard how their red bracelets were different than OUR red bracelets and he said that they were with someone in the VIP section. Justin told him we were with them too! Well, that didn't work so I said "So, we have to be "with" someone in the VIP section to get in??" and the guard said "If you are with someone I will let you in" Well, at this point I wanted to kick him. I walked back to the VIP table that we were talking to before and told them our situation and the guy said "Tell him that you are with me! I will wave at him" I asked for his name and he said "Mike Mills" I walked back to the guard and said "We are with the Mills party back there in VIP" and I looked over and Mike was standing up and waving. The guard said "Now that wasn't so hard, now was it?" What a prick.

The "line" to meet Vanilla Ice was VERY disorganized. I just wanted to get in and get out. People are so obnoxious when they get around celebrities. I just don't understand it. We got our pictures and Justin bonded with his ninja buddy, which is good (brotha!)

On the way out we had to walk past the prick of a guard and I tried to not make eye contact with him. When we passed him he said "sorry" and I kept walking. He yelled at me "you're not going to accept my apology?" Give me a break. What an ass. I just gave him one of my looks of death. I was perfectly satisfied since I got the photo I wanted and I left knowing that he was going to have to get over what he deemed a high-profile security position and had to clean the nasty pit that resembled a volleyball court. I secretly hoped that he accidentally touched some DNA while cleaning.

Word to your Motha!

Saturday, April 28, 2007


Today I went to the crackhead Kroger on Wayne Avenue. There are actually a couple of crackhead Kroger stores but this, I believe, is the true crackhead Kroger. When I was pulling out of the parking lot I saw a sign that totally perplexed me, so I thought I would share it with you.

Can someone please explain what the hell a "bascart" is? Is this some weird Ohio thing that I don't know about yet? I worked in the grocery store business for 7 (very long!) years and have never heard of bascarts! We called them "buggies" where I lived. I know that's probably a strange southern term that mid-westerners will laugh at, but it is what it is. I usually called them "carts" but will occasionally slip with the "buggy" term.

I am assuming that bascarts are somewhat of a hybrid of carts and baskets but remember... this is the crackhead Kroger and there is no way that there will be something as sophisticated as a hybrid ANYTHING happening here! The carts in this particular Kroger look like any ordinary grocery store cart... just a little more worn. I'm almost afraid to put groceries in them, which is why I only stop there for small things like bread so I won't be forced into using the carts... er, bascarts.

I wonder who actually ordered the sign? Did the makers of the sign question what the hell a "bascart" is, like I did? I've never noticed these signs at the other Kroger stores.

Where is my brilliant linguistics student when I need him? (sigh!)

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Schizophrenic Lawn Mowing

Yesterday when I came home from work and errands, I noticed that my neighbor decided to mow the lawn in a very schizophrenic way. There are large clumps of grass here and there and I was trying to decide if he was attempting to make a statement with mowing art. I thought maybe he would finish the job today, but no such luck. I'm just happy that he mowed half of my yard!

Today when I arrived home I walked across my busy street while attempting to not get killed by the Xenia Avenue crackheads. When I stepped on the sidewalk I actually gasped! My bar of soap was no longer safe on my stairs!! My bar of soap was now on the main sidewalk VERY close to the street. I almost picked up the soap and moved it back to it's former residence but thought that I might be messing with the intended journey of the soap.

I didn't notice the soap on the sidewalk yesterday so I think this may have happened today. I wonder if the mail carrier was in a bad mood and just kicked it? I wonder if it happened yesterday during the schizophrenic lawn mowing? Perhaps I will run to the sidewalk when it gets dark and return the soap to it's original place?

How can you just mess with someone's soap like that?!

Notice the schizophrenic mowing technique on the right side of the lawn!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

All Season Soap

Several months ago I discovered a bar of soap laying on the stairs leading to my front porch. I thought it was really strange because I didn't put it there and it was actually quite close to my porch. The person that put the soap there was in close proximity to my front door and that's kind of creepy. What is more creepy is that they had a bar of soap with them.

I have thought a lot about this bar of soap and I have wondered about the scenario which resulted in the leaving of the soap on my step. For instance, where is the packaging? Why was the person (if it was a person!) carrying a bar of soap that wasn't in the package? This soap has been on my step for months! I noticed it before winter. When it snowed I was shoveling the front steps and realized that I had shoveled the soap into my yard. I didn't really see it when I did that... I just knew it was on the step before the snowfall and with one quick shovel it was gone!

So, the soap has survived sunshine, rainstorms, blizzards and miraculously, the mail carrier hasn't killed themselves tripping on it! After the snow melted the soap re-appeared on my steps but a little further down. I know that it isn't my soap because I use Dr. Bronner's peppermint bar soap. I think this soap might be of the Caress or Tone brand. It's lost a lot of it's color but has nicely maintained it's shape throughout the seasons.

The soap couldn't have been accidentally tossed from the garbage truck because the garbage is actually in our back alley. My street does have a lot of foot traffic with all the crackheads wandering around, but how many crackheads have soap with them? Also, my house sits up on a hill pretty far from the street and the probability of someone just tossing the soap onto my steps is slim.

I have thought about when I get my lawn mowed and think I might have to tell whomever does it to leave the soap alone. I am not sure what is stranger... the mysterious soap on my step or the fact that I am blogging about it.

The Mystery Soap!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Play For Today

The first Cure song I ever heard was 'Play For Today' on a radio station out of Seattle called KJET. I was in the 8th grade at Central Kitsap Junior High and I felt that I had just discovered something so wonderful that I didn't even want to talk about it. I wanted The Cure to be mine and only mine (as well as everyone else's that listened to KJET, of course!)

When I lived in Washington I was one of many who listened to goth and punk music. Our schools lip-sync consisted of performances of Devo, The Plasmatics, Black Flag, and The B-52's among others. I thought all high schools were like this. I was sadly mistaken!

When I moved to Goose Creek, South Carolina in 1985 reality hit hard and I realized that not all schools were as progressive as CKHS. The people at Goose Creek High School had never even heard of Depeche Mode and were listening to Sly Fox! I quickly became friends with Carol, the one girl who had spiked hair and said she loved Morrissey! Unfortunately she graduated that year but I found another friend, Chantel, who had moved to South Carolina from San Diego so she was in the secret club of "real" alternative music and things were good.

My junior year some of my friends and I we were downtown Charleston at Colonial Lake hanging out. On the local radio station I heard the first couple notes of "Just Like Heaven" and I could not believe my ears! I had a sense of disgust that The Cure was on the radio... and not even an alternative station! My friends were excited, but I was mad because my secret little alternative world was forever gone. Soon everyone at GCHS knew that the words written on the beloved Pee-Chee folders that I had kept since my school days in Washington State didn't really have to do with some disease... the mainstream now knew that The Cure was one of the greatest bands ever!

Tonight I was reminded of that night at Colonial Lake while watching American Idol. Blake preformed "Love Song" (beautifully, I might add!) and I just sat there thinking about that night in 1987 that pretty much ended my love affair with all-things-Cure. After a little air-play several people at GCHS would be known to say "have you heard that NEW band called "The Cure?" Things were just never the same.

I am still trying to get over hearing This Mortal Coil's "Song to the Siren" on a perfume commercial, and now The Cure on American Idol of all things!

I wish I had all the vinyl that is stored at my mother's house in Charleston. (sigh!)

Monday, March 26, 2007


I'm sick of being sick.
I'm tired of taking medicine and miss being able to breathe properly. I can't taste anything so I suppose it's not such a bad thing that I STILL can't find any of those damn Girl Scouts selling their EVIL cookies AND it really doesn't help that a certain someone keeps mentioning that he has boxes of Do-si-do's, Thin Mints and Samoas... My three favorite flavors! Not very nice, I think.

I went to work today even though I woke up feeling like death warmed over. I can't even think straight. I feel like my head is in a vice and I had to force myself to stay at work a whole day. They kept telling me to go home, but I knew that my work would just keep piling up and it would be pain to get caught up. Today was actually the worst of it, I think.

This past weekend I didn't really do much of anything. Just to get out of the house, I forced myself to go to The Devil's Playground on Saturday and yesterday Justin and I had lunch and then went to Jack's Aquarium. On the way to Jack's we passed Sonic and I really wanted a Lemon-Berry Slush. When I lived in St. Louis we had Sonic's all over the place, but in Ohio there are only a few so I rarely get to have my beloved slush's.

I was having TOTAL sensory overload and managed to skip placing our order entirely and drove straight to the window. I don't know what came over me! We were talking and going over all the flavors and I just spazzed out and pulled forward. I heard the guy at the window tell the car in front of us how much their order was and that is when I realized what a dumb ass I am. I told the guy that I was highly medicated and he just was like "mmmmm, hmmmmm... okey-dokey!!" I knew it was time to go home and go back to bed!

Oh! I made a very important decision this week. About 6 or 7 years ago, my friend Jackie and I felt that we were destined to be single and childless forever. We both had a string of bad relationships and were kind of fed up with the whole dating scene. We really thought that we would wind up being the single old lady on our block. You know which one I am talking about... the one that all the kids are afraid of... the one with all the cats? Well, after cat--sitting for several days I have decided that I can NEVER be an old and single cat lady. I have 4 very needy cats in my apartment that like to (in random order throughout the night) stick their wet noses and tickly whiskers in my face while I am attempting to sleep. They actually are very sweet (and NO I am NOT adopting them, Justin!!) I actually don't mind doing it (really!) However, I think I will opt to to be the not-so-single person that may have a couple of pets and kids.

Jackie already went back on her pledge of forever being a single, old cat lady. Her son , Quentin, is now 5!

Friday, March 23, 2007

I Have What?!

I woke up yesterday morning and I felt like the Boo Hag had been "ridin" me all night. I had to pry myself out of bed. I felt that dry sinus feeling you get just before you get a cold. When I got to work my throat was so dry and I could not stop drinking. I felt tired all day and knew that I was getting sick. My co-worker, Pam, kept telling me that my eyes looked "weird"... they were watery and itchy all day. When I got home I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't have much of an appetite and I had to force myself to eat dinner.

This morning I got up and didn't feel much better. I was pretty lethargic and I actually thought about calling in. I got dressed and stopped by Burger King on the way to work. All I wanted was a humongous drink. I didn't really care about the food at all. Around 9:30 I was talking to Belinda and I made the comment that I didn't feel very well. She said that I should go see one of the urgent care doctors downstairs. I told her that I really didn't want to since I had just started working there and my insurance hadn't kicked in. She said "Pam, we're all just a family here..." I thought that was pretty humorous, but apparently she was serious. She called one of the doctors downstairs and told him I was on my way down. I really didn't want to waste their time, but she insisted.

So... after poking, prodding and swabbing me, the doctor said "No wonder over the counter things didn't work for you... you have strep throat!" Okay, I am almost 40 years old and have NEVER had strep throat. Do adults really get that? He gave me a bottle of antibiotics and said told me not to kiss anyone. Hmmmm.

I went upstairs and tried to work the rest of the day, but I started feeling worse. I could not get enough water and I just wanted to lay down! I finished the most important things on my list and told Belinda that I was leaving. It's WONDERFUL being able to leave work without the threat of being fired or written up for having no PTO time. It's nice being treated like an adult at my job! (are you listening Noey and Tina??)

So, I left work and all I wanted was a milkshake from Steak n Shake. A chocolate one. Not McDonalds... not Burger King... but Steak n Shake! Their milkshakes have little ice crystals in them and I appreciate that. It was worth the drive for the cold chocolatey goodness!

On my way home I stopped at a red light and a question came to mind that I have been meaning to ask. It's just another quirk about Ohio that I just don't understand. Why is it that 9 out of 10 red lights will not allow you to make a right-hand turn? It's the most ridiculous thing ever! Every state I have ever lived in allows right turn on red... why not Ohio? Good thing I had to my throat-coating, ice crystal, chocolate milkshake to distract me from being pissed off about it... even if it had whipped cream when I asked for none!

Geez, it's so hard being me!

Sunday, February 25, 2007


I should be cleaning my apartment, but instead I am drinking coffee and (as my friend Jimmy's Mother calls it) "living the life of ease." I suppose at some point today I should get dressed and actually leave the house. Well, I have several hours before the Academy Awards start tonight to take care of my errands... so coffee and the life of ease, it is!

Yesterday I met Justin in West Chester (is that one word or two words? Need to look that up!) and we drove to Indiana to go to the Webb Antique Mall. I think they should change their name to the "Webb Clown / Princess Di / JFK memorabilia Antique Mall." I get major sensory overload in places like this. I love all the small items in the glass cases but if you really looked at them closely it would take you all day! We wandered about and tried to be organized about our route through the place, but it really had a strange layout. Justin tried to be helpful by picking out things to decorate my apartment with, like a massive clown head, Princess Di rugs and scary dolls to put over my non-existent headboard. I told him once that if we ever end up cohabitating I will leave all the decorating up to him... now I'm not so sure. Sadly, we left empty-handed.

We drove back to Oxford and he took me to the library at Miami U. Did you know that I am dating a celebrity? There is a poster advertising the library with a picture of Justin on it hanging in the stairwell... I TOTALLY have to have one of these! Who needs scary clown heads when I can have a poster of Justin and his co-worker who uses her kid as an excuse everytime she needs to leave early, to decorate my apartment?!

We were supposed to go see a play at the University so we went to Justin's office to check to see if tickets had been released. Before buying the tickets he showed me around one of the creepiest libraries I have ever been in. His office is in the basement of the Art and Architecture Library and the whole time I was there I was really creeped out. He told me stories about suicides in the building but I really try to keep an open mind about places like this and not let stories or past events influence my feelings and thinking. The library was closed so it was just the two of us. I constantly felt like someone was watching me. I kept turning my head to look, but of course no one was there. He goes there to study sometimes overnight - there is no way I would be in there alone!

We had a couple of hours to kill before the play, so we went to dinner and we started to have freezing rain. By the time we left the restaurant there was an inch of slush on the road. We didn't know how long it was supposed to last and decided to go to the play anyway.

The play was "The Conversion of Ka'ahumanu" It was done in a very small and intimate theater at the University. Although a bit long at times, it was interesting since I really have no idea about the history of Hawaii and it's native people (sorry Justin! - I'm learning!) I can't imagine having to act in such a small setting. I mean, I can see getting up on a stage and doing a play because you really can't see the audience because of all the lighting. With this play the actors might as well have been part of the audience! At times they were a foot away from us and there was a lot of eye contact between the actors and audience members. I think I would start laughing or something. I suppose this is why I am not an actress.

When we left the play the freezing rain was still coming down. I was wearing clogs and my socks were drenched. Justin had an umbrella but it didn't really help much! I just knew I was going to fall and bust my ass. We made it to the car and he was using the ice scraper brush to get all of the slush/ice off the car. This is the point in the story where I become an abused woman. He went to throw the scraper into the backseat but when doing so, he whacked me on the head with it and all the ice and slush that was on the brush was now all over me! He was VERY amused by this. I think that I have a concussion as well as cerebral hemorrhaging along with hypothermia from all the fallen ice that landed on me... PLUS, it was dirty ice! :(

And, yes... I plan on using this act of abuse for years to come against him! :)

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Snow Rant

Last year after it snowed a couple of inches I was walking to my car and my shoes were absolutely wet. I went and bought some snow boots because having wet shoes isn't much fun, really. Well, after my purchase it didn't snow again for the rest of winter and I never really had the opportunity to wear my boots. Needless to say, I have worn my boots more than I care to discuss this winter. I am over the snow. It needs to go away.

After the last snowfall a couple of weeks ago I let Mother Nature take care of my steps and sidewalk while silently hoping that no one (mostly myself) would not slip and fall while the sun did it's job of melting said snow. I got lucky. I didn't want my luck to run out so after the 5 or 6 inches we got the other day I did some thinking. Maybe if I go out and buy a snow shovel I might have the luck I had when I bought my boots. Perhaps it won't snow again all season!

Tonight I went to Home Depot and bought a shovel. I've never purchased a shovel before, let alone a snow shovel, so I was a bit overwhelmed with the selection. Who knew there were so many kinds of snow shovels!? I bought one that had a fun little ergonomically correct curve to it hoping that after I shovel I won't be totally achy. I came home, put on the snow boots that I have worn too often recently and went to town on my porch, steps and sidewalk.

Shoveling snow is not fun. Where are all the neighborhood kids that need extra cash??

I mean, I did it when I was a kid, but that was for money! I have a bad feeling about the achy thing tomorrow - I think I used the snow shoveling muscles I haven't used since I was a kid. Also, when I came inside my face was frozen and full of hives - yes, I am allergic to the cold! Actually, this is the first time since being in Ohio that I have had the hive thing. It's not very attractive, I'm afraid. I hope the mail carrier appreciates my efforts and leaves me a nice present or something. I am sure she has been cussing me all over the place about having to risk her life to bring me my Netflix movies.

My last thought about Ohio and it's horrible snow problem is this; I CONSTANTLY bitch about the snow and the cold and how it sucks the life out of me. Everyone keeps telling me the same thing "Ohhhhh, this is nothing compared to how it NORMALLY is!!" So, if this is nothing and Ohio is used to MORE snow than 5 or 6 inches, then why is it so freakin' hard to maintain the roads? It started snowing Tuesday around noon and stopped late Tuesday evening. How is it that when I drove to work at 9:30am on Wednesday, there was STILL snow on the road and it was pretty hazardous. Can someone please explain this to me? If it were to snow like everyone tells me it normally does, I can only assume that Dayton is in an emergency state since it can't even keep up with a couple of inches!

Here's hoping my new shovel has the same magical effect on Mother Nature as my boots did!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Snow Day

Something is terribly wrong with me. I keep getting sick. I should bel happy that it's only on weekend mornings, but waking up to nausea is not fun. I am feeling better... thanks for asking.

I woke up hoping the weather people were going to be made asses of again, but no such luck. How many inches is it?? I need to check on that. I knew it had snowed as soon as I woke up and my room was glowing from the reflection outside. Damn that Mother Nature!

I spent the entire day attempting to keep food down and I finished watching 'Walk The Line'. I love Joaquin Phoenix, but I had a hard time seeing Johnny Cash in him except, perhaps, in the Folsom Prison performance scene. I really don't know much about June Carter so I don't really have an opinion on Reese Witherspoon's performance. I had no idea that June Carter Cash wrote "Ring of Fire"! I love that song!

After the movie I finally got up the energy to go outside and dig out my car from the snow trench that the lovely city of Dayton buried it under. I knew that if I waited until morning I would be in trouble. When I walked out my backdoor to open the garage door I noticed a couple of animal tracks in the fresh snow. One looked like a chicken but I am assuming it wasn't since I am not aware of any wild chickens on the east side. The other was something I didn't recognize but I think it might be a chupacabra. I called Becky and she said perhaps it was a rabbit? Maybe all the noises I hear upstairs are wild chupacabra and not ghosts as I suspected??

Rabbit or Chupacabra??

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Stargazers and Dreamgirls

So there I was at work... bitching endlessly about having to help out customer service on the phones. My shift was from 12pm to 2pm. I despise having to talk to patients on the phone about bills. They never call because they are happy and want to thank you... they usually call because they are mad and want to dispute something... not so much fun, really! I was so happy when 2pm rolled around. I started getting my junk together when I happened to look up at the receptionist desk. There was a man with a flower delivery and they happened to be one of my favorite flowers... stargazer lilies! I kind of hid behind the computer and kept on talking to Felica since I had a feeling that they might be for me.

They were.

So, I was totally embarrassed (in a good way, mind you) as I carried my beautiful flowers from the amazingly wonderful Justin, back to my desk. It was so sweet. My hands were trembling and I was trying not to cry. I don't think I worked much for the rest of the day. I mean, how can you really work when you have fabulous stargazer lilies on your desk and a silly smile on your face??

Tonight Becky and Pam took me to see Dreamgirls for my birthday. How is it that Jennifer Hudson didn't win American Idol? She has an amazing voice! I wasn't really impressed with the theater at the Greene. It was a Friday night and there was no food ready for patrons. I really wanted pretzel bites but there was a 22 minute wait on them! Have you ever heard of such a thing? Having to wait for food to cook at a movie theater? Also, the chairs became uncomfortable about an hour into the movie and I think the sound quality in the theater was lacking. I hope that this isn't a regular occurrence! I did like the movie, however. I was looking hard at Beyonce on the big screen for any slight imperfection and just couldn't find one. Ugh!

Well, it's 2:33 am and I am offically 38 years and 3 minutes old. In 1,051,197 minutes I will be 40! It seems like yesterday that I was crying to Devin on the phone when I turned 30! Hmmmm... gotta go look for new wrinkles or crows feet... thank God for photoshop!

Movie Theater Phenomena

I was sitting here waiting for Justin to pick me up and I started thinking about the movies last night. We were one of the first people to go into the theater. Soon after two girls came in and sat DIRECTLY behind us. At this point there were many, many seats to choose from including the middle section of several rows in front of us as well as several rows behind us. These girls chose to sit right behind us and I was almost tempted to turn around and ask them why? I think I would have chosen to perhaps skip a row so as not to be on top of other people. I would understand if the theater was filled, but it wasn't.

Can someone please explain this to me?

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Trois, Drei, Three, Tres

My Aunt Donna passed away on January 2nd from lung cancer. She is the third person in my family in four years time that died from a smoking related illness. Actually if want to be technical it's under four years because my Dad passed on February 3, 2003.

I don't get it.

I am sure I will NEVER get it. I have tried to understand and comprehend but it just doesn't make sense. Perhaps cigarette smoking is wonderful and tasty and maybe I am just missing the point. I know it's an addiction but I think I would certainly make every attempt possible to quit if I saw my loved ones suffer and literally beg for help the way I, and other family members, have seen in the last couple of years. Some people try... some just don't.

Enough of the soap box.

I was doing some thinking on the drive to Illinois about my Aunt Donna. You know how you hear stories growing up about certain things that happened and you actually begin to think you remember them happening but you know deep down that you couldn't possibly remember because you were too young? Well, there are a couple of stories like that about my Aunt.

When we my Mom and my Aunt got together it is inevitable that the story about me in the backseat comes up. Story has it that I was hanging on the front seat asking (for the millionth time) "are we there yet??" and Donna (who was driving) had just stepped on the break and I fell back and hit the back seat. She laughed uncontrollably and I ever-so-seriously said "It ain't funny Aunt Donna!" the other story is that we were at Six Flags in St. Louis and my Aunt wouldn't ride this horrible barrel ride... you know - the one that spins so fast it sucks everyone to the wall and then the floor drops about 5 feet? Yeah, I think I was five or six and she was in her late twenties or early thirties. I actually remember this happening and I was scared to death on that ride.

One of my favorite stories about Aunt Donna is when Mark and I went to Illinois (before continuing on our White Trash Tour to the Bridges of Madison County and down to Graceland) for Denise's wedding. Donna made me and mark stuff these horrible little crocheted baskets with candy for the wedding guests. We needed some coaxing so Donna brought out the Drambuie... then the other bottles of liquor that followed. We were drunk... all three of us... laughing, talking and crying (or as Mark calls it "boozers gloom") Around 6 am we heard a noise and Donna started laughing because it was the automatic coffee pot. It was time to get up. Uncle Dave came into the kitchen and he was not at all pleased. It was a rough day for Donna, being the Mother of the bride and all. I can't really say that Mark and I were ever good influences when we got together!

One summer Aunt Donna and Uncle Dave came to Charleston and they were dining at the Holiday Inn that overlooks the Charleston Harbor. Donna was amused that she saw dolphins swimming in the harbor and proceeded to ask the server what time they come up to feed... as if the ocean was Sea World! I think this is the same trip when we were headed to the beach and she stopped in the middle of the road because she saw there was a bridge ahead of her. She was afraid of bridges and made me drive from there. Apparently she wasn't aware that wherever you drive in Charleston there are bridges!

Then there were the green beans... At Denise's wedding to Mike there was this really weird guy who was a friend of my cousin Dave. We called him "Matrix". We were cleaning up the hall and he saw that Donna was going to throw away this huge bowl of green beans and he asked if he could have them. He handed her a plastic bag to put them in. Someone had taken all the utensils so Donna started grabbing handfuls of green beans and put them in the bag. I watched in horror, but Matrix said he was a hungry bachelor. I love that story.

She not only made me laugh, she also took care of me. When I moved to Illinois she hooked me up with a really cheap apartment. She and Uncle Dave loaned me money to fix my car when I was totally broke and my freeze plug decided to explode. She stayed with me at the hospital when I had my kidney stone surgery, took me home to her house to rest so I wouldn't be alone and let Linda stay with me while she went to get my prescription filled.

I could torture you all day with stories about Aunt Donna but I will spare you. In her high school yearbook the caption on her senior picture says this: "Loves to have fun and is loads of fun."

I would definitely agree with that.

The Handkerchief Code

When I was at my Aunt's funeral this weekend I didn't come prepared with tissues. I thought, for some strange reason, that I would be able to hold out and not cry. (Um, whatever!) Well, as soon as I walked in the door and saw her laid out, I was done. I turned to Peggy and asked her if she had a tissue. She held out what I think was a handkerchief and then went to the bathroom to get me some form of kleenex. The closest thing the church had to offer was those really hard folded hand towels - not very good for hard crying. I think I have abrasions on my face from it.

So, all of this got me thinking about how nice it would have been to have a nice, soft handkerchief of my own. I have never thought of owning one... I mean, it's kind of old fashioned, no? I don't think I would ever use it for nose blowing or anything like that because that is kind of nasty. I have been to more funerals than I care to go to and I always have tissues that crumble and fall apart. I think I need an monogrammed one... don't you think?

I became so curious that I googled the word "handkerchief" - actually to be honest, I spelled it wrong at first. Who knew it had a "d" in it?? I clicked on the Wikipedia link and learned a little more about my new obsession. Who knew there was such a debate going on about hygiene?? I scrolled down to the section that says "See also" and the item "Handkerchief code" caught my eye. Um, whoa. Carpenter Sex?? Ponyism?? Sitophilia?? Definitely worth the click for all you perv's...

Now... I'm not even sure what color I should get!! Something so simple is all too confusing! Do these rules count for women, also??