Saturday, April 28, 2007


Today I went to the crackhead Kroger on Wayne Avenue. There are actually a couple of crackhead Kroger stores but this, I believe, is the true crackhead Kroger. When I was pulling out of the parking lot I saw a sign that totally perplexed me, so I thought I would share it with you.

Can someone please explain what the hell a "bascart" is? Is this some weird Ohio thing that I don't know about yet? I worked in the grocery store business for 7 (very long!) years and have never heard of bascarts! We called them "buggies" where I lived. I know that's probably a strange southern term that mid-westerners will laugh at, but it is what it is. I usually called them "carts" but will occasionally slip with the "buggy" term.

I am assuming that bascarts are somewhat of a hybrid of carts and baskets but remember... this is the crackhead Kroger and there is no way that there will be something as sophisticated as a hybrid ANYTHING happening here! The carts in this particular Kroger look like any ordinary grocery store cart... just a little more worn. I'm almost afraid to put groceries in them, which is why I only stop there for small things like bread so I won't be forced into using the carts... er, bascarts.

I wonder who actually ordered the sign? Did the makers of the sign question what the hell a "bascart" is, like I did? I've never noticed these signs at the other Kroger stores.

Where is my brilliant linguistics student when I need him? (sigh!)

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Schizophrenic Lawn Mowing

Yesterday when I came home from work and errands, I noticed that my neighbor decided to mow the lawn in a very schizophrenic way. There are large clumps of grass here and there and I was trying to decide if he was attempting to make a statement with mowing art. I thought maybe he would finish the job today, but no such luck. I'm just happy that he mowed half of my yard!

Today when I arrived home I walked across my busy street while attempting to not get killed by the Xenia Avenue crackheads. When I stepped on the sidewalk I actually gasped! My bar of soap was no longer safe on my stairs!! My bar of soap was now on the main sidewalk VERY close to the street. I almost picked up the soap and moved it back to it's former residence but thought that I might be messing with the intended journey of the soap.

I didn't notice the soap on the sidewalk yesterday so I think this may have happened today. I wonder if the mail carrier was in a bad mood and just kicked it? I wonder if it happened yesterday during the schizophrenic lawn mowing? Perhaps I will run to the sidewalk when it gets dark and return the soap to it's original place?

How can you just mess with someone's soap like that?!

Notice the schizophrenic mowing technique on the right side of the lawn!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

All Season Soap

Several months ago I discovered a bar of soap laying on the stairs leading to my front porch. I thought it was really strange because I didn't put it there and it was actually quite close to my porch. The person that put the soap there was in close proximity to my front door and that's kind of creepy. What is more creepy is that they had a bar of soap with them.

I have thought a lot about this bar of soap and I have wondered about the scenario which resulted in the leaving of the soap on my step. For instance, where is the packaging? Why was the person (if it was a person!) carrying a bar of soap that wasn't in the package? This soap has been on my step for months! I noticed it before winter. When it snowed I was shoveling the front steps and realized that I had shoveled the soap into my yard. I didn't really see it when I did that... I just knew it was on the step before the snowfall and with one quick shovel it was gone!

So, the soap has survived sunshine, rainstorms, blizzards and miraculously, the mail carrier hasn't killed themselves tripping on it! After the snow melted the soap re-appeared on my steps but a little further down. I know that it isn't my soap because I use Dr. Bronner's peppermint bar soap. I think this soap might be of the Caress or Tone brand. It's lost a lot of it's color but has nicely maintained it's shape throughout the seasons.

The soap couldn't have been accidentally tossed from the garbage truck because the garbage is actually in our back alley. My street does have a lot of foot traffic with all the crackheads wandering around, but how many crackheads have soap with them? Also, my house sits up on a hill pretty far from the street and the probability of someone just tossing the soap onto my steps is slim.

I have thought about when I get my lawn mowed and think I might have to tell whomever does it to leave the soap alone. I am not sure what is stranger... the mysterious soap on my step or the fact that I am blogging about it.

The Mystery Soap!