Loyalty

When I was a child my Father told me to never lie. He said that if you lie you will soon forget what lie you told and to whom you told it and pretty soon all of your lies will catch up with you. After not following his advice a couple of times I decided that what he told me sounded reasonable so I decided to live by it. I don't lie. I really have no reason to. I don't embellish the truth or tell "fish stories". My life is wacky enough without having to do all of that.

In being an honest, up front person I've found that a lot of people don't know how to take me. I've been told that people are intimidated by me and my honesty. Even some of my closest friends have told me that upon meeting me they were standoffish and until they got to know the "real" me. I would have thought this was an odd occurrence if I hadn't been told this more than once. I have been told by friends that they have had to explain to others "oh, that's just Pam!" when they were asked about my bluntness. Don't get me wrong, I would never intentionally say anything rude to someone about them personally, it's just that I have an opinion about things and I'm not afraid to express it. I'm actually quite a caring and polite person.

I think that by being the person I am I have had to develop a tough skin. I assume that the people that don't really know me think that I don't have feelings. I've thought long and hard about this. I have a tough exterior and perhaps they think my feelings are impenetrable so they say and do things they feel won't affect me emotionally. It's quite the opposite, being that I DO actually have feelings and am very sensitive.

When I was young, I moved around so much and had to make friends every couple of years. I do not take friendship for granted. I cherish my friends and would never betray them and I expect the same of them. I've learned hard lessons with some of my friends and have been very lucky that they have stood by my side even when I wasn't exactly friend material. This is why I find it incredibly painful when I learn that a so-called friend has betrayed me. That really sucks.

What sucks worse is that I learned of this from another friend and was sworn to secrecy that I wouldn't say that they told me. There are other friends involved and it's a he said/she said kind of thing and it's all just ridiculous. I would love to confront the situation and nip it in the bud, but there's that whole confidentiality and loyalty thing. I stand by my statement and really don't care what the person on the receiving end says about the whole situation, but what I DO care about is that the person delivering this message was thought to be a friend.

I stand by everything I say, write and do and if I make a mistake I am quick to apologize. If someone has an issue with something I have said or done I would hope they would confront me about it like an adult instead of gossiping like a 12-year old because frankly, I don't have time for it.