Saying that everything happens for a reason sounds so cliché but I’m beginning to think there is some truth to that statement.
I’ve been through hell and back. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve laughed and I’ve cried on this incredible journey to get to where I am now. Through the chaos there have been many times where I’ve doubted my self-worth and thought that I just don’t deserve to be happy. I just existed and for some reason I accepted that.
So much has happened in the last few years. I went through this horrible break up with Robin in 2012. She apparently thought she was better off with her ex-girlfriend – I hope she has found her happiness although I find it shameful that she didn’t have the balls to handle it in a more mature manner. Soon after ending that relationship I met Robyn and we went through this incredible whirlwind relationship. Robyn and I started off with amazing chemistry but we never managed to get on the same page.. We wanted different things. We had drastically different life experiences that made us the people we are today and that can be detrimental when you are trying to build a foundation for spending the rest of your life together. I’ve lived 100 lives compared to her one. She needs to experience the world, grow, learn, break hearts, love and live. After 2 years we finally decided that it wasn’t going to work so we amicably ended us. It wasn’t easy but it was most definitely necessary if either of us was to ever experience joy and happiness again.
Robyn and I were friendly with this couple and went to their house a few times for dinner. I met Amy in 2009 when I was on an online dating site. She sent me a message saying she was looking for friends since she was new to the area. We became Facebook friends and would see each other out occasionally. Amy later met Tabitha who Robyn and I really liked. Amy is kind of high maintenance and obnoxiously boisterous at times and Robyn and would joke that we only went over to their house because Tabitha was cool. I was intrigued by Tabitha. During dinner conversations it seemed that she and I had so much in common. Amy joked that Tabitha and I should have been a couple. We all laughed it off but it really wasn’t far from the truth. We respected our partners even though we both felt that weird energy and connection between us way back when.
Without going into detail (since it’s their story to tell) Amy and Tabitha broke up. I asked Tabitha to go out on occasion but she would turn me down or bail at the last minute. For the past 6 months Robyn and I have been on the outs and we finally ended our relationship knowing that it just wasn’t in the stars for us. I might sound blasé about it but the breakup was pretty brutal but we somehow (thankfully) ended up as friends when all was said and done.
I’m not sure who texted who first but Tabitha and I were chatting and I told her that Robyn and I broke up. From what I remember she asked me a couple of times if we had really broken up, which I found to be funny. I knew at that time something might happen between us because like I said, there was always that unspoken connection… that one time she turned to me at the dinner table and looked me in the eye. I felt that look down to my toes and then did my best to pretend it never happened.
On August 10th we decided to meet at DIG for a drink. I was weirdly nervous when I arrived. I soon found out that any notion that there was a previous connection between us was absolutely confirmed the minute I sat down at the bar. We spent time catching up and talking about how crazy relationships are. We never had the opportunity to spend time alone before this and it was a relief to be able to finally do that. The way she looked at me was intense. At times I just held her gaze, both in silence. Toward the end of the night she asked if she could kiss me. I had thought about this moment, our first kiss, a billion times and I almost said no. I didn’t want it to be at a bar in a restaurant. I didn’t want it to be awkward but there it was presenting itself so I went for it. It was awkward but nice. A bit later she walked me out to my Jeep and we stood and talked some more. I don’t think either of us wanted the night to end. We kissed again and during that kiss is when I knew I was in trouble. It was on and there was no turning back.
Not that I wanted to.