Friday, October 24, 2014

Get the Poison Out

The last couple of days I have been thinking hard about people whom I consider to be close friends and the apparent misconceptions I have regarding my role in their life. 

Tabitha and I got married last Friday in Charlotte, which I do intend to write about but I need to get this off my chest because it feels like emotional poison.

I have known most of these friends for years and would do anything for them.  I have attended their weddings, birthdays, baby showers, children’s birthdays and other significant celebrations in their life.  There have been cards and gifts and phone calls and it’s absolutely baffling that I haven’t received the same in return.  I never expected gifts but not even a card was sent.  Really? 

There are people I know at work who knew that we were going and nothing was said to me on Monday when I returned until I was in their department.  No emails, no instant messages, no inter-office phone calls, nothing.  I have been trying to not think about it but it is very bothersome.  Am I not important enough for these “close” friends to get a 99¢ greeting card to say congratulations?  Am I being overly sensitive?

Last night during our walk downtown I was talking to Tabitha about my feelings and disappointment.  Tabitha suggested it could possibly be the gay marriage thing (which I do know most of my friends support) and people might believe that it’s a novelty.  I totally get that.  I do believe that a lot of people subconsciously think that marriage between a man and a woman is more sacred.  Maybe they aren’t used to the fact that same-sex marriage is an actual REAL thing.  Maybe it’s because not every state (including ours) recognizes it therefore it’s not a reality in their world.

Another possible reason I have come up with for the lack of gestures is that we didn’t have a “real” wedding.  We got married in a courthouse.  There were no vows to witness and we didn’t have a big party or an open bar.  Out of sight, out of mind, right?  Maybe I’m too old.  Is there a getting married deadline that I’m not aware of?  Once you hit 30 people don’t acknowledge your nuptials? 

Thank the universe for Facebook.  I think that has become the social norm for offering happy birthday’s, congrats on weddings or babies among other well wishes.  I find it amazing that I received a ton of Christmas cards but not one card offering congrats on the wedding.  

I have a friend that I have known for almost 30 years.  I sent her a text telling her in case she didn't see it on Facebook and this is what I got back:

Seriously.  That's all they said. It’s a wedding.  That’s a MAJOR life event.  I just don’t get it.

I keep telling myself to just get over it and take it for what it’s worth, learn from it and move on.

Definitely easier said than done.  I'm so thankful to have Tabitha by my side to make me smile and and see the positive in all when I'm down.  I believe that her smile, her laugh and sweet nature can ease the hurt and pain from anything the world throws my way.


Clytie said...

I've been catching up on your blog - I've been kind of out of touch myself for a while - and am easing my way back into Blogland. I was so glad to see you posting again!

I just want to say I wish you and Tabitha a warm and absolutely sincere "congratulations" on your wedding - and I hope you find with her (and she with you) the ultimate happiness two people can find together. To me it's not about gender, it's about love. Guess what? I learned that from my kids.

Not everyone can find true love in their life ... and when they do, they should hold onto it with all their strength. Regardless of what others think.

I hope you keep in touch!

Anonymous said...

Very happy for you.