Last week I was talking to my friend Edna at work and she asked me if I was going to spend Easter with my family. I paused for a second and then looked at her and said "I have no family." I didn't mean this harshly but there are times when I realize that the dynamic of the immediate family that I once knew is now gone. Several years ago, if I was living in town I would have normally spent Easter with my parents but those days are gone. Aside from my Aunts and Uncles (who are slowly dwindling away!) the only immediate family I have is my sister.
When I said this Edna's eyes started filling with tears. Her mother passed away last month so we have that in common. She told me to come to her house and eat dinner with her family and I accepted her offer with the promise to make banana pudding.
Being the procrastinator that I am, last night I went to Wal-Mart to get the banana pudding ingredients around Midnight. Every time I go to this particular Wal-Mart I leave cursing because I normally have to go to a second store to get the rest of the things I need because they are always out of everything - last night was not the exception. How can a Wal-Mart Supercenter not have bananas? I mean, really... not one single banana! How can a girl make banana pudding without bananas? I was thoroughly disgusted. Had I not needed the items that I had in my cart I would have walked out of the store, but I chose to get in one of the very slow moving two lines that they had open. After a 30+ minute wait I finally checked out and headed to the 24-hour K-Mart because all of the grocery stores in town close early these days. It seems Wal-Mart, yet again, has killed businesses! Since they are stealing all the other stores customers you would think they would have more than two cashiers the night before Easter! And people wonder why we call it "The Devils Playground"!
At K-Mart I picked out the things I needed in less than ten minutes and headed to the check out. This particular store had only one cashier and the people in front of me had two carts full of groceries. If the cashier moved any slower she would have turned to stone! After 15 minutes the manager came up and asked where the other cashier was and cashier #1 said she didn't know. He proceeded to take all of the people behind me and ring them up at customer service. I couldn't follow them because I had weighable produce. Ugh. While standing in line I noticed that the woman in front of me with all the groceries was familiar looking. After long thought I realized she was one of my cashiers at Piggly Wiggly years ago but for the life of me, I couldn't remember her name. I was thankful that I wasn't recognized by her because I wasn't in the mood for small talk.
When the cashier was nearly finished ringing up this couple the manager approached me and said that he could ring me up at customer service. I told him I had produce and he gave me a little nod as if to say "we'll take care of that!" Whatever! By then, I was so tired all I wanted to do was go home... I still had banana pudding to make. It was 2am.
When I arrived at Edna's today I handed her the pudding and told her that it was made at 3am and that I couldn't make any promises for how good it was going to be! As for the Easter get together, I didn't really expect that many people to be there. I think I counted 12, including myself. Before I went I had to talk myself into going. I wasn't feeling social and just wanted to go for a drive instead. But here I had this damn pudding and a promise to show up. Everyone was very friendly, but they were all family and you know how that is... Edna gave me an Easter basket, which was incredibly sweet! I made the best small talk I could with people I didn't know, watched everyone play Wii, ate and left around 4pm. I had plans to meet T. so I called to let her know I was on the way home.
The rest of my weekend wasn't exceptionally wonderful. I spent a lot of time thinking about what happened with T. Although it is getting better, I am still saddened by the relationship that will never be realized. When she came over today we chatted about everything that happened. It was nice seeing her. I'm still trying to understand and also trying to convince myself that she really means the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing, but I don't suppose I ever will get it and will always think it was something I did. I have no other choice but to get past it and move on. It makes me wonder how is it that I can have sexual relationships and not want a thing more with some people while she had the ability to get under my skin so much that the mere sight of her smile or smell of her skin is enough to make me weak and so incredibly pathetic.
In my attempt to get past all of this I started checking out online personal ads to see what the Internet had to offer. I am a good dater. I like meeting new people, even if it is only to make friends. I am convinced that the lesbian population of Charleston is some sort of underground mafia since they are so well hidden. Most dating web sites have the same group of women, all of which I am not attracted to. I'm not even sure if I want to start doing this, but the other part of me is saying "get out there and stay away from your sisters friends!!" I need to meet people on my own so I think I will give myself some time to heal my little broken heart and then see what happens.
Tonight my ex-girlfriend, Kat, called and we were catching up on what was going on in each others lives. I told her that I was going to start dating again and mentioned while I was browsing one of the websites I came across my boss, which amused me greatly. Of course the first thing I did was call my long-time friend and co-worker, Jackie to tell her! When I shared this story Kat started laughing and told me to stay away from my boss since that has never worked out for me in the past (yes, we all remember the infamous Linda!) Seriously, though... my boss is not my type - but she does have a speedboat and I could always use a raise! ;)