Saturday, April 04, 2009

Something Good

Would anyone like a pill?

I have been slowly clearing out my Mother's room to make it more of my own and today I conquered the huge Rubbermaid bin that contained all of her prescription bottles. I put all of the pills into a shoe box and which was practically filled when I was through. There were pills that she never opened, pills that were expired and pills that she hasn't taken in years! Why did she keep all of these?? I also cleaned out her drawers and closets so I have a place to put my clothes. I've learned that you have to put your mind in another place so you don't break down every couple of minutes... not an easy thing to do!

I was thinking today about that song from the Sound of Music called "Something Good" where Maria sings "somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good" because she's all of the sudden met the Captain and has fallen in love. She sings...

Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somewhere in my wicked miserable past
I must have had a moment of truth

So, Maria finds her happiness but I'm wondering when I'm going to cash in on my moments of truth and good deeds?? I keep trying to tell myself to look at the small good things that happen in my life like the random act of kindness of the person in front of me at the drive-thru paying for my order before taking off, or getting to know a new crush during a wonderful walk downtown, or seeing the beautiful azaleas bloom in the front yard.

The moment I try to stay positive, I get more bad news.

The Uncle that I am incredibly close to was just diagnosed with state three lung cancer. I am now completely convinced that God does not exist and if he/she does, I must have really pissed him/her off in a former life. How can this be happening to my family AGAIN?? We just buried two people in February. Give us a break! I found out during my first week at my new/old job. When I read the email I just started shaking and the more I tried to compose myself the more the tears came. I am sure the other employees were looking at me like I was crazy. Luckily I know other people in the building so I went to see them to cry and vent.

I can't believe this is happening again. I don't know of another family that has had so much loss.

So once again, like so many times before this one... I focus on the positive and hope for the best outcome possible. I stop to look at the azaleas. I open myself up once again to letting someone in. I pause to smell the ocean air that I missed so much. I wake up each day ready for "something good" because it's bound to come eventually.

Dum Spiro Spero (While I breathe, I hope.)


Clytie said...

My grammie had the same thing; closets and cabinets and drawers filled with medicines and vitamin supplements, most never used. Sigh.

My heart goes out to your family. I cried for you while reading your story. I will offer no trite words, because there are none. I will simply wish you love and peace.

Pamela said...

I find things every day that my Mom has had for YEARS! Today we found my Dad's wallet, still intact, in his dresser drawer... amazing! We've barely touched the house so God knows what else we will come across... stay tuned! :)

Thanks, as always, for the comment and thoughts!

Beth Niquette said...

Oh, my dear...I can so relate to how you are feeling. I remember the year when we lost my little brother, two aunts, and a great aunt all in one week within days of one another.

I wondered why the sun kept shining, and life kept going on--shouldn't everything stop?

My heart grieves with yours. Your blog touched me deeply this morning. I too cried as I read. And will also offer no cliches. Only know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today.