Sunday, April 11, 2010

Stir Crazy

I have been sitting at home for almost a week recovering from surgery. Friday I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Eads and I had to drag myself out of the house for that. My whole body hurt and I could barely get in and out of the car. During my visit, he asked how I was feeling physically and I said okay and he then asked about mentally and I just started crying. I guess that answered that for him. I told him that I was healing on schedule, but was having a hard time dealing with all of it emotionally. I told him that people will look at the incision and say "Oh, that doesn't look that bad" but they are looking at it from the outside and don't stop to think that there are emotions that go along with that incision. That incision conjures up everything I have felt from my family history of cancer and now I have to add my own feelings to it. I told Dr. Eads that I wanted more time for recovery so he agreed to extend my sick leave one week. I return to work on April 19th.

Today was the first day that I felt up to doing something outside of the house, but unfortunately Robin is sick. She caught some kind of bug this week and we have been taking care of each other instead of her taking care of me. This morning I woke up and took a shower with the intention of going out but ended up sitting around the house all day. Robin tried to get me to go out, but I didn't want to do anything alone. She goes back to work tomorrow night so I guess I better get back to the usual routine.

In my moments of going stir crazy I have been attempting to work on my Mom's painting room. I want to get that finished so we can turn it into an office and place to put our craft stuff. I've been attempting to divide what I want to keep with the stuff to throw away. I have no idea what to do with the other stuff. Some of it is really valuable, but do I really want to deal with the pain of selling it all? I have had "friends" ask me to let them know what my plans are but all it does is irritate me when people do that. I'd much rather give it to someone who would never ask for it! I don't know why it bothers me so much when people do that.

With this last week at home I'm hoping to get organized a little more. I want to paint the windows in the master bedroom - yes... the windows! Since Robin works nights we have to have a totally blacked out room for her to sleep in. I decided a while back to paint the window panes different colors to help block out the light. I also need to paint the spare bedroom before my cousin comes to stay for a week in June. I hate painting, which is probably a huge reason for my procrastination. I can't imagine how anyone does it for a living day after day!

Last week I did have a small sense of accomplishment. I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes! I know that this isn't really a big deal, but I was quite proud of myself. My goal was to make my Mom's meatloaf and I must say that I came really close to it! I have never in my life made a meatloaf and I didn't follow a recipe. I made my meatloaf from my memories of watching Mom make it over the years. I suppose I paid enough attention to re-create it! As for the mashed potatoes. Well, I've never made mashed potatoes before, either. I just threw some stuff together and it came out pretty darn good!

Both of my parents were born cooks and were known for their specialties. They never followed recipes and sadly, they never wrote their recipes down. I remember our neighbor across the street, Jim, loved my Mom's meatballs (which were DAMN GOOD!) and he always asked Mom for the recipe. Mom would never give it to him but Jim would always ask anyway. One night Jim had a heart attack and passed away. At the wake my Mom slipped the recipe card for her meatballs in Jim's coat pocket and it was buried with him. She had never written that recipe down before that day and never wrote it down again.

I haven't attempted to conquer Mom's meatballs yet, but I have made Dad's chili and Grandma's cheesecake. I just say that meatloaf and mashed potatoes (from memory) are one step closer!

1 comment:

Clytie said...

You are absolutely right - I think I'm one of those who said that the incision didn't look as bad as I thought it would. I wasn't thinking of it from your point of view, just from the outside. I'm sorry.

I love the story about the meatballs. A wonderful, moving memory.

I never use a recipe when I cook either. I've been trying to teach my (OCD!) kids how to cook but they get frustrated because they need exactness.

I hope your week goes well, and that you are feeling better - more at peace. It's a very hard time for you. But meatloaf is a fine start. :=}