More Spooky Things

Last night I was doing laundry while getting ready for my trip to St. Louis. I went down to the basement and collected the clothes from the dryer, which were still damp. I decided since the clothes were still damp I would hang them to air dry in my apartment and put the ones that I was taking on my trip in the dryer. I walked up my stairs and put my hand on the doorknob which leads into my kitchen and as soon as I touched it I heard he deadbolt lock from inside. I hesitated for a second thinking I must be imagining it but when I tried to open the door I realized that it was exactly what I head. I was locked out.

I didn't really stop to think of how a deadbolt could lock itself. I live by myself and can't imagine that Jake and Basie are clever enough to concoct a plan to lock me out when doing laundry. I am, after all, the one that feeds them and I don't think they are that mischievous! My first thought was to go outside to check if the front door was locked. I never leave the door unlocked so I knew that I was having false hope. I was wearing a nighgown sort of thing so I had to put on the damp clothes that I had been carrying (that were now on the floor) to go outside. As I had thought, the front door and all the windows were locked.

I went into the basement and looked for anything that I could slip between the door and the bolt and found nothing. I walked back upstairs and with all the frustration and anger that I had in me slammed against the door. It actually budged. So... I did that about 20 more times and finally busted the door open, deadbolt and all. There are not little wood pieces all over my kitchen that I am still too pissed off to clean up!

Look how butch I can be!!
This is the same kitchen door that mysteriously opens itself, while deadbolted. On several occasions I have been home and gone into my kitchen and seen the door wide open with the deadbolt still locked. How can a door open when deadbolted?? This apartment is wacky. I need to move. I need money to move! The other day, while in my computer room, the radio in the bathroom kept turning on. There is a switch that you slide back and forth to do this, but it kept doing it on it's own. I would turn it off and 10 minutes later it would be back on. You could blame it on a power surge, except I have never heard of power surges sliding on and off switches! The other morning when Becky and Jennifer came over Becky told me that the radio was on. She thought I had left it on for the cats. Obviously the other inhabitants of my apartment are music lovers. I just with they'd chip in for rent!

In other news, a black cat crossed my path coming down Xenia Avenue the other day. I tell myself that I am not superstitious so why do I even think twice about such things happening. Not that a deadbolt locking on it's own from the inside or a radio turning itself off and on has anything to do with bad luck... just another supernatural occurrence to ponder.

Eastern Lanes

I haven't been bowling in 21 years. I calculated this by the fact that I moved to South Carolina in December 1985 and we had a bowling alley a a couple of blocks from my house. Traci and I used to go there because we were bored and didn't know anyone. I also met my first South Carolina boyfriend, Bill Zamora, there... but that's a whole other Oprah.

Ahhhh, bowling. I sucked in 1685 and I pretty much suck now.

Tina's birthday is next week so she got some friends together and we met up at Eastern Lanes in Middletown. Like a bad hooker motel, Eastern Lanes rents by the hour, which I found to be quite odd. It is by far the worst bowling alley I have ever been in. When we bowled, our balls would disappear and never show up again.... we would wait and watch the little conveyor belt for our ball to come back and sometimes it just never did.

We kept having to call the maintenance people to fix the lane. We would bowl a frame and then the thing that wipes all pins away would get stuck... we would hit reset and nothing would happen. I think half of the time we rented the lane we waited for things to get fixed or for our ball to re-appear!

I found this wonderful lime green ball that was light-weight and had big enough fingers and I kept losing it to the hungry bowling alley monsters. It was very sad when I lost it. I saw that the people next to us were using one just like it so when they weren't looking I swiped it... it took them a long time to notice that I "borrowed" it. One of the maintenance people finally came over to see why we were not getting our balls back and he lifted up a board on the floor and started pulling out all these balls that we had lost - including my original lime green one! The people in the next lane confiscated the one I "borrowed" after mine reappeared.

Eastern Lanes is not only the worst bowling alley I have been in, but it is the greasiest! They really believe in lubing up their lanes! I actually dropped my lovely lime green ball behind me when I was about the bowl. I stepped up the the little dotted line, aimed my ball like the professional that I am, swung my arm back and WHAM! To everyone's amusement, the ball dropped behind me... It was greasy dammit!

One awesome thing about tonight was that I didn't come home smelling like cigarette smoke. I think I like this smoking in public places ban! Normally I would have driven home as fast as I could to tear off my nasty-smokey-smelling clothes but this was the first time I didn't have to and I liked that! I can go to bed without having to take a shower or bath to get rid of the cigarette stench in my hair. Nothing is worse than trying to sleep with the smell of second-hand smoke on your pillow :(

Yay! for smoking bans and boo! for bad bowling alleys!

[non-kuhm-plahy-uhns]

I'm only 37 and I had my first mammogram today.

Everyone who knows me will say that I am totally non-compliant when it comes to my own medical issues. I don't take prescribed medicine for my diabetes and I don't eat the way that I should. If there is something wrong with me I pretty much have to be dying to go to the doctor. You would think that since I am in the medical profession that this wouldn't bother me so much, but it does. I don't want to know what's wrong. I have seen what happens to people when they find out "what's wrong" and the outcome hasn't been pretty most of the time. I think to myself that if I go to the doctor for something, eventually there WILL be something wrong.

I didn't have to go to the doctor to find out that I was diabetic... I already worked there. I wasn't feeling like myself. I was urinating a lot, feeling very lethargic and kind of shaky. My friend Judy, who also happened to be the nurse practitioner in the practice that I managed, asked me if ever had my blood sugar taken before. She knew my Mom was a diabetic and I told her that I had taken it before, several years prior. We did a finger stick and my (non-fasting) blood sugar was over 300. Dr. Eads gave me that look that physicians must learn in medical school... the "you'd better take care of that" look! The next morning our phlebotomist did an A1C on me and it was sky high! Ugh. I made the much-dreaded appointment with my private doctor.

Throughout the years I have been on the being compliant/not being compliant rollercoaster. I think taking pills is a huge pain in the ass, then I think to myself that administering insulin injections on myself would suck a lot more. So, I had my stupid Glucophage prescription filled and have been back on the compliant bandwagon for a week. I'm slowly starting to change my eating habits because what is the purpose of taking medicine if I can't give up Cold Stone? It sucks, really.

So... A couple of weeks ago I started having pain in my right breast (modesty or refraining from talking about my privates has never been a strong point of mine so grab a cup of coffee if you are game!) It hurt like hell... as if someone was taking a needle and plunging into me - not fun.

Last Monday I was on break with my friends at work and I was telling them about the pain while I proceeded to feel my boobs in front of them. The under part of my breast was really swollen and there was actually a lump. I told my friends to come feel it and they all looked at me like I was mental. I told them it wasn't sexual and to come feel it. Brave Noelle was first and then Tina. Teresa (aka Pollyanna) wouldn't do it even though I tell myself that she secretly wanted to. They felt the lump so I knew that I wasn't crazy. (If you want to know who your true friends are ask them to feel the lump in your breast! Yep!)

I was out with this boy that I really like and he told me that I should have it checked out. My first thought was no freakin' way. I didn't want to know if there was something wrong especially since everyone in my family seems to be dying from cancer these days. But, you see... I really like this boy and would pretty much do anything for him, so I made an appointment with my doctor.

My doctor said the tissue in my right breast was inflamed and he gave me an antibiotic and said that with my family history I should have had a mammogram a long time ago. Ugh. My mammogram appointment today was for 7:00 am, which was not fun. Another thing that was not fun was not wearing deoderant or lotion for several hours! After registration they took me back and gave me a gown to wear. (It was really sexy - I should have taken a self portrait in it.)

The gown was small and the opening was in the front and I had to hold it together the whole time so my ample bosom didn't pop out. There really isn't time for modesty in places or situations like this. When I was led back to the room the tech told me exactly what she was going to do during the exam. The whole time she was telling me how she was going to hold and manipulate my breast for each image... demonstrating on herself the entire time. I don't think I ever looked at her face during the briefing since I was totally mesmerized that she was moving her breasts all about without a care in the world.

Before I went for my appointment I had asked all of my friends if mammograms hurt... they told me it didn't. Turns out that all my friends are dirty liars! It does hurt. It hurts like a bitch. I wondered how they did this to women with small breasts. That has to hurt! How do they get it in there? I need to see this in person! I wonder if youtube.com has mammogram videos? Hmmm....

After the tech tortured me she took the images to the radiologist to see if there was anything that he could see that was abnormal. That was the longest 15 minutes of my life. I was sitting in this small room and I felt so incredibly lonely all of the sudden. I was having this pain that could be nothing but could also be something that would alter my life immediately. I thought of my Grandmother sitting in the chair just like I was waiting... just like I was and would I hear the same news that they told her? I'm not even sure if that's how she found out. My mind was all over the place thinking about all of my family members who have been told that they had this horrible disease and that split second... that instant that would literally change their lives.

I tried to think happy thoughts. I wished I had a friend there with me. I wish that I wasn't sitting in that chair in that too-small gown holding my boobs in. I wished that I could stop thinking about everyone in my family with cancer, praying that I wouldn't be the next one.

The tech finally came back in and she said that I had lovely breast tissue... the kind that is transparent in the images and that I was lucky for that. She said that the doctor didn't find anything but I should follow up with my regular doctor since I am still having pain.

I think I was holding my breath the entire time I was waiting and upon hearing this news, I finally exhaled.

I walked back to my little dressing room and couldn't help but notice the woman that was next in line. We just looked at each other and I silently wished her luck. I noticed her gown was way too big on her and she was bigger than me! I think the tech gave me the smaller gown on purpose... she must have sensed that I have lovely breast tissue!

The ever-evolving list of things I love...

postcards, antiques, mango, back roads, boys who can dance, big fluffy clouds, lilacs, chocolate, e. e. cummings, people watching, taking photos, Spanish moss, eye contact, autumn leaves, kitchen stores, first times, fresh-cut grass, hammocks, heart-stopping lyrics, intense conversations, Phillip Simmons iron gates, John Cusack, kissing, laughing 'til it hurts, fortune cookies, self portraits, cookbooks, laughing too loudly, spontaneity, stargazer lilies, lipstick, Chipotle, long emails, lust for life, making lists, cosmopolitans, homemade CD's, iPod's, handwritten letters, afternoon naps on a rainy day, hotels, thought provoking quotes, geocaching, perfect pens, photobooths, lightning bugs, live performance, sleeping babies, car dancing, genealogy, handmade things, Feast of Fools podcast, street festivals, picnics, ghost stories, tidal pools, stained glass, Scrabble, learning new things, flea markets, thunderstorms, sandalwood, Lucky Charms, reading, road trips, sweet potato pie, letters and packages in my mailbox, elderly couples dancing, sharpies, perfect sunlight before dusk, Super Elastic Bubble Plastic, Judy Blume, camping, rollercoaster's, Pat Conroy, good wine, watching the snow fall, Pablo Neruda, mementos, roadside attractions, post-it notes, James Dean, meaningful hugs, smell of chlorine on my skin, talk radio, rainbows, waving goats, good manners, soundtracks, wandering aimlessly, fried pickles, smell of pluff mud, Hans Christian Anderson, candles, dinner with friends, true crime, farmers markets, a knowing look, used book stores, discovering new music, Trivial Pursuit, hot chai tea, daydreaming, abandoned buildings, cozy pajamas, Zots, lavender, margarita's, pop culture, Halloween, books of questions, Emily Dickinson, hiking, excellent coffee, Kids in the Hall, pizza, cemeteries, cooking, scent of vanilla, suprasternal notch, worthwhile movies, laying on a blanket watching the stars, hot baths, cabinet cards, reading the newspaper, adventures, love notes, firm handshakes, chance meetings, blogging, Italian soda's, The Young One's, skeleton keys, serendipity, caramel apples, Sylvia Plath, reading out loud, pin-ups, mosaics, people watching, smoothies, thrift stores, vinyl records, sheets hung outside to dry, salty ocean air, a baby's laugh, sunsets, gerber daisies, coke floats, hippos, campfires, sleeping in, honesty, libraries, art museums, office supply stores, synchronicity, hot soup on a cold day, comfortable silence, saag paneer, The Nutcracker, airmail, Cold Stone Creamery, sculpture, iced tea.

How to lose a viewer...

Last night I was on my computer with the television on in the background and I heard the start of a FOX newscast regarding the recent election. The report was about gay marriage in Massachusetts and how it has been successfully legal for two years and that it will probably stay that way.

During the report, FOX showed several clips of happy gay and lesbian couples tying the knot. Most of the couples would exchange a very happy, intimate and meaningful look and then go in for a kiss. At first I thought I was just imagining things but as I kept watching I realized that FOX showed the couples BEGIN to kiss but NEVER actually showed the meeting of the lips. I suppose that I would have never noticed it if had it been one couple, but it was a series of 7-10 couples all in rapid succession. I sat there in total disbelief.

Moments like this are so incredibly sobering.

Spooky Brooms

I left my house this morning to run an errand and when I came back I walked through the front door of my apartment and through the living room When I walked from the living room into my dining room something just wasn't right. I stopped in my tracks and looked to the right of me. My broom, that was previously leaning against my dining room wall, was now standing upright on it's bristles... touching nothing but the floor - it was just standing there, on end. Oddly, I wasn't scared or creeped out at the sight of this. I reached for the broom and when my hand came within a couple inches, it fell towards the wall, into my hand.

I leaned the broom up against the wall and walked towards the kitchen. After a couple of steps I realized what I had just witnessed and THEN every hair on my body stood on end! I think that if I hadn't witnessed it I would never believe it. I'm not sure what I want to do about the situation. I'm still too freaked out to set up any recording devices.. maybe in a little time I will do that. I think I might do some research on the house for prior ownership and history.

I guess my biggest question is why it (whatever "it" is) all of the sudden appearing... and when will it show next??

Weird, huh?

The Earlham Vortex

I was soooo excited to find out that my favorite band, Blues Traveler, were playing in Richmond, Indiana! The BT website said that it was at Earlham College and it was a free show for students since it was homecoming weekend. On hearing this news, I was a bit hesitant about going to the show because I believe that the best shows are those where people actually pay for their tickets... you know those people are there because they really care for the band and not because it was free.

I called the number listed on the website several times because I kept getting a voice mail. There was no information on the recording about the show, which was a bit frustrating. I finally decided to press "0" and that got me to a receptionist of sorts. She told me that I needed to speak with the Runyan desk for tickets. I called the Runyan desk and the person that answered the phone took my info and said that she would mail my tickets since they didn't have a "will call" desk. Seemed simple enough.. sort of.

I ordered the tickets on Monday, October 2nd and the concert was Friday, October 13th. On Monday, October 9th I called the Runyan desk to check the status of my tickets since I still hadn't received them. The person I spoke to on this day told me that they NEVER mail tickets and they would be waiting for me at "will call" - now I was officially confused and could not help but wonder what was happening over at Earlham that they had such a lack of communication!

Jenny picked me up after work and we drove directly to Richmond. We both wanted to go to the show early so we could take our usual positions at the front of the stage. When we drove into Richmond we were trying to find Earlham - we had a map which really wasn't too helpful. I had been caching in Richmond before and was semi-familiar with the area but didn't remember seeing a college in town, so I wasn't too helpful, either! What we did find was that there wasn't too much happening in Richmond - the Applebees seemed to be that happening hot spot of Richmond - how sad is that?

We finally found Earlham and the gymnasium, which is where the concert was. When we arrived there was only a handful of people there. I went to the information desk and asked a woman where the "will call" desk was. She said "What??" and I said "I am looking for the "will call" desk" and she said "What??!!" and I said "The concert here tonight... I am looking for the place where I pick up my tickets" and she said "Oh, the concert is over there" and pointed toward the gym doors. Uh, thanks, lady.

Next, we walked over to the place where they were setting up for t-shirt sales... surely they would know where I pick up my tickets! I asked the guy and he said "What??" and I repeated myself and he looked at me blankly. He pointed to a more official looking person and said I should ask him. The guy turned to me and I started to ask him and halfway through my question he said "hold on a minute" and walked away. I turned to Jenny and said that we had just stepped into the Earlham Vortex where all things are strange. When the guy came back I asked about "will call" again and he said he didn't know. I came to the conclusion that there was no such thing as "will call" in Indiana.

We decided to hang out and wait for something resembling a "will call" desk to show up. We sat outside the gym and saw many frightening things. I thought it might have been a full moon but I was wrong, HOWEVER, it WAS Friday the 13th. Earlham College is the land of many scary outfits.. and scary people wearing them. We got to witness a bit of the Earlham dance troupe's practice. It was like a train wreck... so wonderfully bad. THEN the most awesome thing ever!! This guy walks down the hall wearing long black palazzo pants and a black long sleeve button-up shirt that was buttoned all the way up. He was carrying a huge martial arts-type stick. He walked into the gym and went to town with the kung fu moves. He kicked the ass of an invisible-someone for over an hour.

We finally saw a couple of girls start to set up a table that looked like it might be used for tickets... or "will call" where I am from. After they set up, got the tickets out looked officially in business I went up to the table and said "Is this where I pick up tickets?" and the girl gave me "the hand" and said "NOT YET!" so I said "when?" and she said "7:30"... it was about 7:00 and at that point and I could really see the point in making me wait... NOT!

While sitting there waiting I saw other people go up to the table and were handed tickets. I watched in amazement. I decided to convince myself that these people were alumni and that they had priority since it was homecoming weekend. This explanation almost made me feel better. I was gettting alittle irate because people were beginning to arrive and there was a line forming at the door of the gym. We had arrived first but were not going to have to stand in line due to the unorganization at Earlham Vortex.

Around 7:20 I went back to the table where there were now 3 women sitting and looking quite official. I asked if they were open yet and they said "not yet" - what the hell were they doing?? I decided to stand right in front of the table until they opened. They were irritating me! Jenny stood with me... I think the Kung fu dancer guy in the gym finally scared her! After standing at the desk for several minutes this kid walked up and asked one of the girls if they were open and her response was "oh, yeah... we've been open!" WHAT?! I wanted to kick her. When I got the table I said "ohhhh... you're open now?" and the girl said "yes" and I said "well, I've been standing here, one foot away... you couldn't tell me?!" She just looked at me and gave me my tickets.

The Earlham Vortex got a little stranger when we finally got into the gym. We had to wait in line a bit but luckily we were entertained by palazzo pants man. When they opened the doors we went directly to the stage where there was no one standing. Odd. Everyone was sitting down and I was concerned about the. I asked one of the ushers if we were allowed to stand at the stage and she said the area between the chairs and the floor were for dancing and if you stood there you had to dance. That sounded absurd, so I laughed. She said that everyone had to sit prior to the show. What the hell is that all about?! That's the strangest thing I ever heard, but at this point, considering Earlham... it made perfect sense... um, yeah.

Jenny and I sat in the chairs waiting patiently while discussing the horrid unorganization and fiasco that was the Blues Traveler show. While discussing the many oddities of Earlham this transgendered kid in front of us turned around and started chatting with us. She is a sophomore and was full of information - apparently, even some of the students think Earlham is somewhat of a vortex. We also learned that the flake at the so-called "will call" desk is her housemate. Hmmm... sorry to hear that.

When the house lights went off everyone rushed the stage. I just knew it was going to be a sucky crowd.... here are my main complaints:

1. Free shows = bad crowds
2. The crowd only knows the songs Run Around and Hook
3. Body surfing is for the mentally challenged
4. Dry campus = sober band = not as much fun
5. Sitting at at Blues Traveler show = wtf?!
6. Silly girls that scream dumb things to the band like "come to my soccer game tomorrow!!" Yeah, that's what they want to do!

I think the thing that irritated me most were the two guys standing in front of me. They just stood there. Here, the band was, totally rocking out and these guys didn't even move! Toward the end of the show one of the guys handed John a paper with the word "Imagine" on it. John told him that they couldn't play it... then, a couple of minutes later they did, indeed, play Imagine. The two guys in front of me suddenly came to life.

Here is what I don't get... Why on Earth would you come to a Blues Traveler show, who have some of the greatest songs I have ever heard, to request ANOTHER bands song? I mean, really! You stand there like bumps on a log all night and when they play another bands song you finally get a little life in you. To me, it was a total insult to BT. On top of that, the guy took the piece of paper with the word "Imagine" on it, turned around and raised it to the crowd so everyone would know it was HE who requested it. I REALLY wanted to kick him.

Ohhhhhhh, Earlham!

The show ended and I, again, was disappointed that they didn't play my favorite songs... I suppose they were too busy playing OTHER bands songs. It was a good show, regardless. The highlight was when they brought out that 13-year old kid from America's Got Talent' (I think that's the show, anyway) that played the harmonica. He definitely gives John a run for his money... and is it odd that I was strangely attracted to a 13-year old? I think it was the harmonica - no worries.

I should have gotten the transgendered kid's email address. She was quite fun - and from Centerville. She told me she was 19 and I almost choked. Ack! I could be her mother! Oh my!


After a stop at Frisch's we headed home... barely escaping the vortex of Earlham's weirdness.

Wenches and Wizards

I've not been feeling well. I have had a headache for days, my nose is stuffed up off and on, the glands in my neck are swollen sporadically and on top of all of this I had my period this week! Can a girl get a break?? Most of all, I'm lethargic and I have to fight off the will to want to just fall into bed as soon as I come home from work! Stupid dumb Ohio weather! It goes back and forth so much, I just can't keep up!

Justin and I went to the Ohio Renaissance Festival on Saturday and I thought it was supposed to be cool. I put on a billion different shirts thinking they were not going to be warm enough. I finally settled on a medium-warm shirt only to find that it really wasn't cold at all - it was actually quite warm. Justin was wearing a turtle neck and we were both hot - at least there was a small breeze that day.

I think the best part about the faire is people watching... where do they come up with those outfits and where was their friend to tell them it wasn't attractive?? It's interesting to see how people define what a renaissance costume is supposed to be... last year I saw a Storm Trooper - how odd is that?

It was a beautiful day so people were out in droves. It was great for people watching but not so much to actually be able to look at any of the stuff for sale. It seems that the deal is to stand in place in front of any jewelry counter... not really looking... just standing - especially if you are with a friend... you must stand beside them - even if you are not really shopping yourself. The object is to hinder anyone else from being able to look at the jewelry. Yep, that's my analysis.

I promised Justin that I would take a picture with him in renaissance garb. I found this to be absolutely amusing since I have never dated anyone that would do that, let alone suggest it! Right on! We waited in line a bit and it was finally our turn. There was not much of an outfit selection to choose from. The guy running the booth said Justin could be a wizard, king or a prince... I think those were the choices, anyway. I chose the grey wizard outfit for him since I thought it would look good with his blue eyes. The choices for me were not exactly desireable. I really wanted to be a wench, but they only had princess-y costumes so I just chose the color that I think looks best on me... scarlet red. The costumes stunk so bad! I don't think they have been washed since the actual renaissance!! Getting our picture taken was actually kind of embarrasing since there were people watching everything that was happening. I felt silly but loved every moment of it.


It was another perfectly wonderful day until we came back to my place and Justin freaked me out by saying that he got "blue sparkles" and thought he saw someone in the attic window. I knew that Brian was in Chicago and there couldn't have been anyone in the house. It totally freaked me out. I made Justin come in and help me check all my closets, doors and window locks. It would not have freaked me out so much if Pam hadn't said that she thought she felt a presence of some sort when she was painting alone in my apartment. I love the paranoral and ghost hunting, but if it isn't paying rent... it's gotta go! Since then, I have not noticed anything but I am am most definitely more aware of things happening. Last night I was talking to Justin on the phone. I had the TV on without sound and all of the sudden both my TV and DVD player turned off... the remote was on the table - not even facing the TV. Interesting!

Speaking of ghostly things. I decided to terminate my membership with the Dayton Ghost Hunters Society for reasons that I will probably go into later. It was a long-time coming and just needed to be done...

Is it Friday yet? This is the longest week in history!

Fried Green Tomatoes

I woke up really early Tuesday since Mom had an 8:30 doctors appointment. It took forever. I hate when you show up on time for a doctors appointment and the doctor isn't there yet and you have to wait for them. When I managed North Charleston Internal, Dr. Eads did that all the time and I felt so bad for the patients because they had to wait so long. It's quite irritating on both ends.

Mom had another appointment this afternoon and instead of waiting with her I went to the Hamlets subdivision around the corner where I did a cache the other day. There was a sign that said "5 minute walk to to Crowfield ruins." Again, if you really know me, you know that I love historic places and any kind of abandoned structures. I decided to take the 5 minute walk to the ruins which actually was more like a 15 minute walk one way. It's hot in Charleston and I was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt - ugh. Before I went to the ruins I walked back to the lake. There was a really nice dock and a lake with a sign that said "Please do not feed or aggravate the alligators!" Ahhh, to be back in South Carolina! You never see signs that warn you to not aggravate the alligators in Dayton!

After taking a couple of pictures, I followed the path to the Crowfield Ruins which ended up being in the middle of the Hamlets subdivision golf course. Gee, that was nice of them to not over-develop the land and leave the ruins for people to enjoy... they could have built a million-dollar house on the property, after all! The whole thing was pretty anti-climactic. I think it was because while I was enjoying the ruins, I had to deal with golfers, which took away from the experience. I went back to pick Mom up, who had been waiting. Seems that podiatrists are much faster at seeing patients than opthamologists!

I asked my Mom is she wanted to drive by the Commissary to see if we could spot Traci's car. Mom said it was a green Subaru. We drove around and didn't see it. I decided to drive through Traci's apartment complex. I spotted a green Saturn and Mom said "Oh yeah... it's a Saturn, not a Subaru!" Ugh. I told Mom to stay in the car while I made nice with Traci since I knew that she would just bitch and it would get ugly. I walked up to the quad of apartments and knocked on the first door. Traci answered and looked really surprised to see me! We had a long talk about Mom and I told her that I didn't want to move back to South Carolina just yet and that we all have an obligation to help Mom. I told Traci that she is the reason Mom doesn't have a car and that I didn't give a crap that Mom was a pain in the ass, completely negative or a mega-bitch... she has an obligation!

I told her to suck it up and devote one afternoon to Mom for errands and appointments. I also told her that she needs to get a phone of some sort for communication. In the middle of me talking to Traci, Mom walked up - Ugh! I turned to her and said "I told you to stay in the car!" I felt like I was dealing with a child!! I suppose she doesn't understand how much she pisses people off and how much we resent her negativity at times! I told Traci that even if she didn't do it out of love, she needs to do it because it's what Dad would have wanted her to do... Hopefully that will work and I won't have to come back like this again! Mom told me this morning that Traci called after two months of being MIA - so far so good!

Later in the the day Mark called me and said he wanted to go geocaching. I met him at his house and we set off for the first cache at West Ashley Park. The cache was almost a quarter of a mile from the parking lot. When we got out of the car, the first thing we noticed was another alligator sign. We crossed the bridge and headed off on a trail. We actually found the cache with no problem... I was actually looking more for snakes than the cache again! We headed back to the car and started to drive off when I noticed that the next closest cache was 2 tenths of a mile away... close! We parked the car and headed off on a trail. I had started to get dark and by the time we were a good ways into the woods it was really dark! I took my flashlight out of my bag so we could see where we were going (actually it was more for snakes!) The cache said it was dead to the left of us, where there was no trail. Mark decided to go through the weeds (while doing a snake dance) and he said he could see another path. I was wearing shorts so I was very cautious about going in the weeds. Mark told me to run, so I did... sort of. When I got to Mark he said "oh, it's not a path." I could have killed him because we were standing in a VERY swampy area. We decided to go forward since we had come this far already. It was so swampy!

When I say swamp, I really mean swamp... like in the movies, kind of swamp. There is weird noises... things splashing in the water... mist rising from the water... mosquitos - the whole deal! Mark kept telling me "Pam, please be careful about what you are stepping on, especially near the water!" That, of course, freaked me out totally! We got within 70 feet from the cache, which was located in the middle of a dense wooded area. Mark decided to go in, with the only flashlight, leaving me on a alone. I stood on the trail, next to the swamp water doing a smaller version of my famous snake dance. Since Mark had already seen one snake on this particular cache, I just knew it's snake friends were waiting nearby to bite me. I started to become really uncomfortable because it was so dark. I started to wonder how Adrienne Barbeau managed to survive in the the swamp without getting eaten by snakes and gators. I called out to Mark several times to come back - I was done with this cache! He finally came back and we headed out. It was soooo dark! I was in the front with the flashlight and again, Mark was in the back scaring the hell out of me. He kept saying that because it was dark, it wasn't the snakes he was worried about... it was the gators. OMFG! I was freaked out. It was near hysteria! I was cussing at Mark and telling him he was buying me dinner for this! He told me "I hope you don't bring Justin caching if you are always this mean!" Ha!

We finally made it out of the swamp without being eaten by critters. Who the hell puts a cache in a swamp?? Mark and I decided that we deserved Andolini's since we had survived the worst cache ever! Andolini's is my favorite pizza on this earth. There is no equal in pizza as far as I am concerned, so I was in heaven.... dirty, stinky and sweaty... but in heaven!

Yesterday I did errands with the Mom and then went downtown. I stopped at Bob Ellis Shoes to see Troy and he invited me over his house. He said he was making fried green tomatoes, which I had never had. I told him that I would meet him around 7pm at his house. I walked around downtown and took a bunch of pictures - mostly in the Unitarian, St. Philips and Circular Congregation Church cemeteries. I miss Charleston in that way... I love walking the streets of this city. I originally intended to go to Morris Island, but it had been raining all morning and I really didn't want to hang on the beach in the rain - I'm not sure if I will have time to do that tomorrow, which is sad.

I headed home to change clothes then headed to Troy's, who lives in James Island. His apartment is awesome with two screened in porches and an amazing view of the river. Troy made fried green tomates, as promised. It was Paula Deen's recipe (who doesn't love Paula Deen?) We sat and chatted all night and watched TV. We watched a bizarre documentary about a crocodile name Gustave who eats African villagers and we watched Dateline about the slutty teacher who slept with her student. I was waiting for the rain to let up before I headed home - I hate driving in the rain!

Today I arrived at Mom's at 10am since she had an appointment. I asked her where the appointment was and she said "West Ashley". I asked her where in West Ashley and she didn't know. This is what frustrates me! She tried to call Lois, who didn't answer. I ended up calling the doctors office who said she didn't have an appointment today - it was on October 20th. I did an amazing job at biting my tongue and not bitching. Instead of the doctor, we ran errands... craft store, cemetery, etc. Jonathan called me while we were out and wants me to meet him in Orangeburg at 5:30, which is where I am headed now.

So much to do...so little time.

Pluff Mud

I still have not located my little sister.

I have tried calling her at the commissary, where she works, but I think her shift is overnight and they don't answer the phone at that time. I think I might write a note and leave it for her asking her to call me. I only have a couple of days left to find her before I leave. Not that it will do much good, I'm sure!

Mom is about the same as always. A bundle of joy to be around. I came this morning to bring her to her eye doctor appointment. After the appointment I asked her if she wanted to do something. I suggested all sorts of fun things and all she did was sit there and shake her head no. She said she just wanted to go home... negative, negative, negative. She is now, where she always is, asleep on the couch. I suppose I can't force her to go out and enjoy life. I am trying to not let it drain me but I'm not so good at that.

I took a break from Mom this weekend and did some stuff for myself. On Saturday I was invited to a dinner party given by my ex-boyfriend, Jonathan, in Bamberg. I dated Jonathan about 20 years ago. We were just kids. He was a bit older than me and was attending the College of Charleston while I was in high school. My parent's would get so mad at me because I would leave Friday night and not return until Sunday evening. I had a boyfriend that had an apartment downtown and I was rebellious... what did they expect? I was a bad kid. I am not sure why we broke up but I am sure we just drifted apart. I didn't have a car and he eventually moved to Canada to attend the University of Montreal. We kept in touch sporadically. Before Saturday, the last time I saw him was when he had his opening at the City Gallery around 8 or 9 years ago.

On the way to Jonathan's, which is an hour drive, I spoke with Kat who said "Hey! I've been meaning to ask you something... I hear you are fucking a guy!?" Well, well, well... It took the cesspool long enough to network! I told her "No (not that it's anyone's business), I am not fucking a guy, but I am dating one." I asked her how she heard and she said someone told M.D. and M.D. approached her and said "So, I hear you turned your last girlfriend straight?!" Nice.

I have met M.D. once and it was for 5 minutes and it was dark. I could not pick her out in a line up so why are people reporting to her what the fuck is going on in my life?? I was wondering how long it would take before I was questioned about it. I asked Kat how people knew and she said it was something that I posted in a MySpace bulletin. I knew immediately what it was. It was the bulletin I posted called "20 on 3" where you answered questions about your top 3 friends. The question was "Is this person your boyfriend/girlfriend" and I think I answered the question, pertaining to Justin, as "I have no idea what is going on there!" or something to that effect. Don't think for a moment that I didn't know EXACTLY what I was posting in my bulletins and blogs. Don't think for a moment that I didn't know that the cesspool would eventually catch wind of things and run with it. With that being said, the only people that have access to my blogs and bulletins are people on my friends list... and very few of those people are involved in the cesspool so it's not so hard to narrow the gossips down to a few. It seems that the people that bitch about the evils of the cesspool at very much the center of the cesspool, themselves.

I make no apologies, I will not label myself and I am doing what makes me happy. It is what it is.

Anyway...

I arrived at Jonathan's around 4pm. When I pulled up he was walking out of the house with Estella, the most precocious and adorable 3 and a half year-old that I have ever met! It was so good seeing him after all of these years. He looked the same, just a little older. I was trying to remember what I looked like the last time he saw me. I think my hair was longer and I weighed more - blech. He said that he had to go to the Piggly Wiggly and asked me if I would watch Estella. We had fun while he was gone. She was all over the place. We played on the swings, played croquet, played with blocks, played go fish... all in a half hour! I really need to have one of these! Shortly after Jonathan returned the first of the other dinner guests arrived. His name was Robert and I believe he was one of the music professors at State. He was smart, well traveled and it was very hard to get a word in edgewise with him as he was quite a manipulator of conversation! We sat and chatted while Jonathan prepared dinner. I played with Estella during most of the conversation. Soon, the other guests arrived - both art professors, I think. During dinner I kept thinking to myself "what the hell am I doing in the middle of all of this... I wish Justin was here!" He's a mix of both worlds and would have fit in nicely. Being that Robert was the manipulator of conversation he spoke the most during dinner about opera's, castrato's and music in general. It would have been fun to pick the other's brains about art, but that just wasn't happening with Robert there.

After dinner, cake and ice cream (it was Jonathan's birthday) the other guests left and Jonathan and I sat on the porch of his huge victorian house and chatted. It was nice to finally be able to talk with just the two of us... oh! and Estella. Earlier Estella had given me a tour of the house, which is massive. Jonathan asked me if I remembered the portrait that he painted of me. I had totally forgotten about it since it was so long ago. He said it was in the guest bedroom but I never actually got to see it that night since it wasn't part of Estella's grand tour. I can barely tell you what it looks like, just that it's Picasso-esque. It's kind of nice knowing there is a painting of me hanging in someone's house, especially an ex-boyfriend's!

It was getting late and Estella was wound up from all the sugar she had. I helped Jonathan clean up and decided to head home. I was wishing that I lived closer because I sensed he could really use a loyal friend to lean on during his custody battle and separation. I feel so bad for what he is going through. I promised him that I would see him again before I left so we made plans to get together on Thursday... no children or babbling dinner guests - just two old friends! Jonathan and Estella walked me to my car and with a kiss, I was off on my way to Charleston.

Yesterday I decided to do some caching. I had a bunch of Kat's travel bugs to drop off and I wanted to make sure that I did that before I left South Carolina, plus it was a much needed distraction from the stress of being around my mother. I hadn't been downtown yet and I have been here for a week! The first cache I did was in a Charleston park. I am so surprised at the lack of cache's on the peninsula! There are a couple of micro's and a couple of virtuals but that's about it. Also, the micro's aren't even that clever, which is a bummer. I think these Carolina cacher's need to take a trip to Piqua, Ohio and do a couple of Pinewood Ave's cache's to see how difficult a micro can be! I called Mark because he wanted to cache to prove to his co-workers that caching is not a myth but he was unavailable. I left him a message to call me if he was interested in going. He finally called me on my last couple of cache's right when I was heading to the beach again. I told him that I would meet him on the Mt. Pleasant side of the Ravenel Bridge.

The first cache we did was on a nature trail near Patriots Point. Jesus God, the Spiders!! They were so freakin' big and they were everywhere! I don't think you really understand... you know 50 cent pieces? Well, these spiders were BIGGER! And the damn mosquito's! I already had a ton of bug spray on but they didn't care! Little bastards! I had so many bites on me. When we were in the woods Mark started beating me because I had them all over. I may have bruises from the beating, but I think it was worth it. On the way back on the trail, Mark yelled "Snake!" and I looked where he was pointing. I was a cottonmouth. Ugh. It slithered in front of us and into the creek. I was surprised at how calm I was. Normally I would be peeing my pants and fainting - in no particular order! Well, there were other cache's to be had so we continued on through the massive spider lair.

We drove out to Sullivan's Island to do a couple cache's out there. Ahhhh, the ocean! You know if I could bottle the smell of the sea air... I cannot even describe to you the feeling it gives me. You know those stupid survey's that we all fill out where it asks your hometown? Well, being a Navy brat I never know how to answer those. The ocean is my home. That's where I grew up. It's what I know. The salt air on my face overwhelms me to the point of tears. Samantha and I had a conversation the other night about the ocean. She said that she didn't know anyone that has never seen the ocean and I told her that I know people in Illinois and Ohio that have never seen the ocean... Can you imagine? Can you imagine growing up inland and then in your thirties you see the ocean for the first time? That blows me away. My Grandmother never saw the ocean until we moved to Virginia in 1971. Wow. We have a picture of the first time she stepped foot in the water. I grew up with the ocean in my backyard so I can't remember my thoughts the first time I saw it. When I see the ocean now it still takes my breath away. I just can't imagine how it must feel to see it for the first time as an adult.

Speaking of snakes...

So there we were... Caching on the beach - Mark was navigating (big mistake!) so we ended up walking WAY out of the way to the next cache. He made us walk over the sand dunes (which is illegal). I was bitching the whole way there about how I could not believe that the cache owner wanted us to walk on the dunes and how I was going to write a note about how walking on the dunes was bad... yadda, yadda. Mark yelled "snake!" but I didn't see it this time, thank God. We got closer to the cache... lo and behold an actual footbridge that we should have taken on the other side of the lighthouse to avoid the dunes. I knew I should have navigated!!

I was dirty, sweaty and smelled like bug spray and needed to take a shower desperately before the Violent Femmes show. I drove like a mad-woman home, jumped in the shower and got dressed quickly. Samantha was already dressed when I arrived. We left the house around 8 and went to the Plex, which is an old movie theater turned into a concert hall. There were a billion people there. We looked around for Devin since he was covering it for the paper. We finally caught up with him and planted ourselves to wait for the show to start. It was a weird crowd. Lots of younger people and a lot of people my age. I started to get a really bad headache because of the horrible ventilation system. The smoke was awful. Devin told me that they are trying to ban smoking in bars and I am all for that. My eyes were stinging and my sinuses were acting up - I could not breathe, the air was so bad.

The opening musician was awful. He sang and played the banjo and it offended my ears. I tried to get Devin to put that in his article for the paper but I think he scrapped the idea. After waiting a REALLY long time the Femmes finally came on and put on an awesome show. I stood there in the back of the venue and watched the show... watched the people. It was weird hearing those anthems of my teen years live! During "Add it up" I sat there thinking, here are four people (Me, Devin, Samantha and Devin's friend, Tim) that are true fans of the Violent Femmes... I wondered if seeing them live for the first time had the same effect on them as it did me? Their music totally brings me back 20 years - listening to the Femmes in Carol's car... driving around Charleston on hot and humid summer nights... downtown parties... warm beer. Was it really that long ago??

Devin asked me if I wanted to do something after the show. I most definitely did want to spend time with him but I didn't have my car and and the smoke really had messed with my sinuses. I had the worst headache and I felt like crap. I gave him a kiss goodbye and said I would call him later. Samantha and I were hungry so we stopped at Alex's on the way home. OMG! Alex's was closed!! That was the first time in 20 years that I have seen Alex's closed - WTF!? We went to Waffle House instead. Justin was in Indiana spending time with his family for his birthday. He sent me a text message saying he would be on the road for the next couple of hours while driving home, so I called him and we talked for a while before I went to bed. He told me that his family had a place set for me at the table. Ummm... what? That made me a bit nervous and freaked out. Apparently they asked several questions about me. I'm not one that normally gets nervous when meeting family, so why now? We are going to a paranormal conference next weekend in Louisville and Justin informed me that I will be meeting his brother and possibly his sister at dinner that night.

I think I have to throw up.

Momster

Yesterday's plan was to run a couple of errands with Mom. After getting dressed I headed out and decided to do a cache on the way to her house. It was in the Hamlets in Crowfield subdivision. I have decided that South Carolina cache's are much more treacherous than Ohio's because of the marsh, humidity and all things swampy. There are many more snakes, spiders and critters here. They are everywhere! This particular cache was in a bush, but I swear the whole bush was covered in spider webs. I had to knock some down just to reach my hand in to grab the cache. It held nothing exciting and everything was damp. bummer.

I got to Mom's and she was complaining about being up all night with an upset stomach. The day before she complained that she was up all night with restless legs and cramps. Wouldn't you know that the two medicines that Dr. Eads stopped were the Immodium and Quinine. I asked her why she didn't just take them if she was suffering since she still had portions of the prescription left and she said "well, he took me off of them!" Any normal person would have just taken it and called the doctor and said "I need these!" but not her. She's the worlds biggest martyr, which I have no tolerance for. I told her that I would call Dr. Eads and have him refill the Rx's but she said no. Whatever. I ended up going to CVS for some OTC Immodium. She said that she wasn't in the mood to go anywhere so I hung out a bit.

Mom was in a very weird mood. When I came to Charleston, I told her that I would like one of Great Grandma's handmade quilts. I really thought my Mom would do her normal bitching, but she said "okay, which one?" I nearly fell on the floor from shock! Mom has always had this bizarre thought that she would leave all of her belongings to us... no only her belongings, but things she inherited from both Nana and Grandma. When Nana died she really didn't inherit a lot. What she did inherit, she kept, which is understandable. When Grandma died Mom got a bunch of jewelery, pictures and other odds and ends. When Great Grandma died, Mom inherited all of her quilting things since she was the only one who quilted.

When Grandma died I asked Mom for some photos or jewelery, after all, I was the first-born grandchild. Mom said we could each pick ONE piece of jewelry and that's it. The rest was going into storage until she died. I chose a cameo pin which I have with me always. I was really pissed because I thought it was not her legacy to leave - it was Grandma's and we should be able to enjoy her things for as long as possible. They weren't doing anyone any good sitting in a box waiting for Mom to die. This was Mom's plan... leave the kids as much as possible so we will all be eternally greatful for this wonderful inheritance. Whatever.

A long time ago I told my Mom that I really didn't want anything and I meant it. I was just disgusted at everyone's behavior when Grandma died. People were fighting over furniture and who got what. It was disgusting. It's a fucking chafing dish - get over it!

Anyway...

After many discussion about the ridiculousness of the situation, Mom decided that she wanted to give me her Blue Willow china that was her Mother's. This was many years ago that she decided this, and I told her I didn't want it. I eventually (as "Hot Missy" would say) "put it in a bubble and blew it away"... I got over it and just accepted it for the gift that it was. When Dad died, before I moved, I told my Mother that I wanted his yearbooks from high school and his backgammon board. She was fine with that. Surprisingly enough, she also gave me an old German prayer book that he inherited from Great Grandma's side of the family. I think I got that since I am so into genealogy.

There is a point to this story, I swear.

So, yesterday Mom started going through her china cabinet and started pulling out all of this glassware and kept asking me if I wanted it. This was antique glassware that she inherited from Grandma, Nana, Great Nana... you name it. Also, some glass that Dad brought back from Italy years ago and a copper tea (I think) set from the Middle East. She told me to pack it up before Janine came home. She told me that she was afraid it would end up in the wrong hands (either of my sisters) and it would not be cared for. She also gave me an old pottery bowl of Nana's, a summer quilt that was made by my maternal Great Great Grandmother and an antique box full of greeting cards that were give to Nana and Grandpa when they were married, had children or for their anniversaries.

Isn't all this strange?

She was sitting there giving me all of this stuff that she cherished and I kept thinking.... "who are you, and where's my Mother??" I was also thinking about the possibility of her planning her demise. I mean, why would she be giving all of this stuff that was so important to her? She keeps bringing me stuff. I really think she is planning to die. She will never get over my father and she is just letting all of her ailments take over her body without even trying to get better. I just have a feeling that my next trip to Charleston will be for her funeral. I was up in the attic yesterday looking around and suddenly felt overwhelmed. What in the hell would we do with all of this stuff that she has stored everywhere. Her house is a craft and artist lovers wet dream! Dad and I used to joke that when she died we would just put a cash register at the door and people could just shop through her painting and craft supplies since most of it still had price tags on it!

After being bombarded with all of this I decided to leave and have some much needed cache-therapy. I only did a couple because it started raining (damn hurricane's). I got a big scrape on my leg and was bleeding everywhere. I think I looked more for snakes than I did for the cache's! The rain was coming down pretty hard so I decided to call it a day. When I was in traffic I happened to look over and I was in front of the cemetery where Dad is buried. I did a u-turn and pulled in. I walked up the hill to the veterans section. I walked down the row where he is and at first I didn't see his grave. I thought to myself, gee, maybe I was imagining the whole thing and he really isn't dead! No such luck. There he was... still dead. I started crying and then got mad at myself for doing so. I mean, it's really not doing any good to cry. It won't change anything. He isn't coming back. Put it in the bubble, right Missy?

I stood there remembering the day we buried him. My Grandfather kept looking up the hill trying to see what they were doing as far as putting the casket in the ground. From where the service was you could not see the actual grave. It was kind of sick because the guys with the bulldozers were sitting there waiting for the family to leave. How fucked up is that? Here we are mourning the loss of Dad and they are sitting there having a smoke and watching the festivities... waiting to push the dirt in the hole. I asked my Grandfather if he wanted me to walk up the hill with him and he said yes. We walked over to the grave and his casket was six feet under. Big mistake looking at that. It has never left me and the thought of my Dad being in a box under the earth fucks with me every day. Someone later told me that when they were lowering him into the ground they dropped the casket and it popped open. Lovely. Thank God we don't follow the Southern tradition of watching the casket being lowered.

It was raining hard and I was soaking wet. I didn't want to be there anymore. I needed ice cream. I went to Cold Stone, which is evil and bad and got the same thing I always get. Justin later told me that I need to venture out of getting the same old thing and try something new. I told him that I need to stop eating it, period! I think I have gained 10 pounds since I arrived in Charleston. I need to go on a hike or something. Samantha called me and met me at Cold Stone. She was on her way home and I told her I would see her there. I was sad and feeling pretty lonely so I took my time going back to her house.

When I got there, Samantha and I chatted a bit about life, love, relationships, family, etc. She's a good friend. I called Jonathan to confirm plans for Saturday. He filled me on what was happening with his wife and daughter - poor guy. I think out of everyone I know, I am most looking forward to seeing him. Over the last twenty years we have seen each other just a handful of times, the last being about 9 years ago. It will be nice to give him a hug and kiss again. He told me that William will be there, which is wonderful. I haven't seen William in probably 20 years! Since I was 16 or 17! Yikes! We were all so different back then! It will be so good seeing them both - and I finally get to meet Estella, Jonathan's 3 1/2 year old daughter! I am sure baby-envy will ensue thereafter.

Back to business...

Today I came to pick up Mom since she said she had an appointment with the foot doctor at 10am. We drove to the doctors and they were not even at that location any longer. I went into one of the offices and asked where they relocated and they said a few doors down. We drove around for twenty minutes and finally found the office, which was closed. Mom apparently had the wrong doctor, wrong place, wrong date and wrong time! I was really mad. We drove back home and got her notebook with her appointments in it and when she went in the bank I called all the doctors listed to confirm appointments. The appointment she had today was with a totally different doctor at 11:30am - not 10am! I was livid. I kept asking her why she didn't write ALL the information about the appointments down instead of the doctors name and the time... why didn't she write down the day the appointment was, as well? She just sat there and didn't say anything, which REALLY made me mad. I told her that I came down to help her but all she is doing is resisting. I told her that she used to handle everything when Dad was out to sea... kids, all household things, school, finances... EVERYTHING! I asked her what happened to that person?? I told her that there are millions of people that lose loved ones and millions of people with ailments... she is the only one responsible for her life and if she is giving up then let me know because I will not put myself through that. If she wants help, then I am here, but I can't help her if she sits there in silence. She didn't say much, just that she wanted something to drink and to go home to take a nap.

Yep, it was a fun morning.

Justin's right. I need ocean therapy!

Chucktown Revisited

It's my third day in Charleston.

Ugh.

Half of me misses this damn city and the other half wants to get back in the car and hit the highway! I have so much of a past here and I keep looking over my shoulder thinking it's sneaking up on me. Nothing bad, mind you... just twenty years of memories of a person I no longer am... a kid making stupid choices, having bad relationships all the while trying to figure out who I am and where I was going. I suppose it was just the path I was supposed to take to realize the person I am today. I look at the faces when we are around town thinking I will recognize someone eventually. That never happens in Dayton. Of course I run into the occasional acquaintance in Ohio but it's not like here... my past is everywhere.

Damn... I do love this place and I miss my friends terribly. It's humid. I forgot how humid it is here. Forget wearing normal clothes during the summer. The less clothing, the better in this town.

The task at hand is to help my Mom out post-angioplasty surgery, which she had last Friday. Work gave me a bit of a hassle about FMLA. They wanted to mail me a certified packet in the mail with the FMLA papers in it. I had already downloaded them and faxed them to Dr. Eads to fill out. I told the billing director, Tonia, that there was nothing about FMLA that she could tell me that I didn't already know. I have been to countless training sessions on OSHA, FMLA, HIPAA... you name it! I could teach it if I had to! I did my part by having Dr. Eads fill out the paperwork. Tonia told me that she would fax it to HR in Columbus and get back to me. This was on Thursday and on Friday she didn't come in... so I left on Sunday. We'll see what happens when I return in a couple of weeks when I return to work. I know the law and I also know that Dr. Eads will provide me with whatever paperwork I need.

I arrived late Sunday night. The drive was long - I think it's just that I am getting older. I was a bit lonely on the road since my iPod died in Tennessee somewhere. My cigarette lighter doesn't work so I can't use the charger - I really need to get that fixed. I actually had to listen to CD's ~gasp!~ I did a couple of cache's in Tennessee and Kentucky, which was fun and broke up the monotony of the drive.

When I arrived in town, I stopped by my Mom's house to check on her and give her a couple of painting palette items that I had gotten for her over the past couple of months. She's an artist and collects anything with a painting palette on it. She belongs to a painting club and likes to show off her painting palette booty to the painting "yenta's". The competitiveness of the yenta's is quite humorous. They get all bitchy when she has something new and they always say "where'd you get that?? Pam??" Since she rarely goes anywhere, it usually it from me.

After a brief visit I went to Samantha's, where I am staying while here. Her house is so cute. I kind of felt ashamed since her decorating ability far exceeds mine. I gave myself the excuse that she own her home and I just rent my apartment so do I really want to invest in canopy beds and frilly things just yet?? It's definitely cute, though. Maybe if I had more money, my very own Vern Yip could do bit more with my apartment. We will have to work on that when IKEA opens. Take note, Vern!

Since Monday was a holiday I decided to hang with friends. I had plans to do some caching with Mark and eventually hook up with Devin. Well, Devin ended up pulling his back so he was laid up. I was really looking forward to meeting Nigel... hopefully next week! I never heard from Mark on Monday so I decided to go to California Dreaming with Samantha and Jackie. It was wonderful, as usual. After lunch Samantha decided to torture me by taking me to the Tanger outlet mall. I hate shopping. I am most definitely the kind of person that hates malls. If I need shoes, or a specific item of clothing, I go to the store, get it and then leave. There is no browsing or going from store to store! Now, if you bring me to an Antique or thrift store that is a whole other story!! I could stay in those for hours!

The shopping torture lasted until I complained. I mean, it was an outside outlet mall... it's Charleston and it's humid. I was cranky about all the hot and humid shopping so we left and went to Panera - Charleston's first Panera, I think. I got a much needed latte. This Panera sucked. There were hardly any baked goods on display - quite sad since they are setting the example for what Panera is. After that we headed to Samantha's Mom's for a visit.

Tuesday I picked up Mom and went on several errands that she had to run and then we had lunch. I had a meeting with Dr. Eads at 4pm to go over Mom's meds. He took her off a bunch and typed me a list of the meds he wanted her to stay on. It was good seeing Holly, Dr. Eads and Cathy again. The office has really grown - I miss working there.

I called Mark on the way home and we set up dinner plans for that night. I went home and Samantha and I changed clothes and headed out for Mark's. It was sooooo good seeing him after so many years! We went to the Voodoo Lounge for dinner, drinks and conversation. It was good to catch up with Mark. Karaoke started at 9pm and we tried our hardest to get Samantha to sing but she wouldn't. I reminded her that she sang 'La Isla Bonita' in front of all of Goose Creek High School but that didn't do the trick. She hates it when I bring that up. I was good since I was driving and had only one drink. They both had to work the next morning so we left around 10pm and made plans to go dancing Friday night.

Justin finally called on the way home - it was pouring rain and I was trying to drive so he chatted with Samantha a bit. He told me we sounded exactly alike, which I think is amusing. I miss talking to him before I go to bed each night. He had left his phone at work the night before so he could not call me and last night his phone was dying from not being charged since he left in the office overnight. It's difficult being him, I suppose :) We had a lovely night on Saturday. He picked me up and we drove to Xenia for dinner... some typical mexican restaurant where everything was too salty. We drove out to Blue Jacket to see 'Legend of Sleepy Hollow'. It was one of the strangest productions that I have ever seen! It was 'Legend' as a comedy. It was an ampitheater with no stage... actually the land was the stage - hills and all. Kind of hard to describe. After the show we went to Cold Stone Creamery. I think there is only one Cold Stone in Charleston, which is sad - you would think there would be more since Charleston and the suburbs have become the mecca of commercialization. He brought me home and we said goodbye for the next two weeks, with me being as patient as ever. sigh.

I am typing this in my Mom's dining room sitting next to my rowdy nieces and nephew who are talking about the MySpace "freak test" - I am scared since they are so young. I am thinking to myself that my kids will be so different. Mom and I are getting ready to head out for dinner and more errands.

The adventure continues...

Art Therapy

I left work early today and went to the Dayton Art Institute. I needed a break from everyone and everything. I needed to clear my mind. I need to not think about responsibilities and expectations. I needed to see Bouguereau.

My mom called me around 11am. She told me that she had to go see Dr. Eads because her toe had a wound. She was cutting her toenails and I immediately said "why are you cutting them? The doctor is supposed to cut them - you are diabetic!" She then said "how was I going to get there?" She had a point. Dr. Eads sent her to see Dr. Appleby, whom I know. He is probably the best vascular surgeon in Charleston. They tested her for peripheral vascular disease, which was positive. When she cut her toenails she cut too far in and it became infected, which turned into a diabetic ulcer. Because of this and the subsequent testing they found out that she has poor circulation and will probably need to have angioplasty surgery from her breast to her toe. They are trying to avoid amputation. I called Dr. Eads and he told me that he had not gotten Dr. Appleby's notes yet but he will have the girls up front get them and will call me back. He asked me if I was moving back to Charleston. I told him that he knows my sisters are losers so I will probably have to.

In December Traci told me that she will make sure Mom was taken to all of her appointments and to the grocery store... wherever she needed to go. She said that I should stay in Ohio and to not worry... she would handle it all! Well, my mother hasn't seen Traci in over a month. My other sister, Janine, hasn't talked to my Mom in several months. Why would she? When MY father died Janine's meal ticket died. There was no one to save her from evictions, car reposessions and no one who could spoil her kids at Christmas any longer. Why would she want to stick around?

Then there's me... the one who escaped from the ghosts in Charleston. I left three years ago to save myself. I have come full circle. I am not the same girl that left Charleston on October 15, 2003. I question myself ever day. Am I ready to go back? Can I ever go back?

It's strange what happens when people die. You see all of these people converge around you in the final days of losing your loved one and then slowly they all disappear once the person dies. I don't think anyone has really contacted my Mom since my Dad died outside of Christmas cards - relatives or friends. Her father and Lorraine call her, or course but no one else, really. I know that people are busy with their lives and I am guilty about that as well. I mean, I really should call my Grandparen't more often, but at the same time... they are not alone like my Mom is.

Mom spends every day with her dog, Maggie - that's basically her only companion. She sleeps all day and stays up all night. She can't paint any longer because of how diabetes has affected her vision. She has even gone so far as to buy huge magnifying lenses, which don't really help. That fact that she even tries to paint any longer baffles me since she has pretty much lost her desire to do anything except watch television. She can't mow the lawn and my sisters nor my nieces and nephew mow it for her. According to my Mother the grass is up to her knee and she can't afford to pay someone. Looks like I will be making a call to a lawn care company soon.

Mom hasn't slept in her bed in 3 years. Sure, she has laid down on top of it, but she has not pulled the covers down after she remade it the day we found my father in a coma. When I think of what she could possibly be afraid of all I can vision is when we pulled back the cover and there he was, covered in his own urine and looking like a concentration camp victim since he had lost so much weight. When she pulled back the covers we both looked at each other... both wondering if he was still alive. He was, but not for much longer. I suppose that's why she's afraid to pull down the covers now. Who would want to re-live that? All of this because my Dad smoked... doesn't it make you want to light up another cigarette?

So now, here I am. Wondering what do do. I can't afford to just pack everything up and head down to save the day. Neither sister has a phone (lucky for them!!) When Mom called the on-call doctor about her foot he called in an antibiotic for her. She had to call one of her painting friends to drive her to the pharmacy... Her neighbor, Lois, is apparently tired of toting her around from place to place even though Mom continually gives her gas money. The last place Mom went for fun was when she went downtown with me last November. How sad is that?

I just keep hearing Traci tell me over and over "Don't worry... stay in Ohio..." I should have known not to trust anything she says. She's always been a terrific liar. If it wasn't for her, Mom wouldn't even be in this predicament. Traci was living in Washington State and had just broken up with her girlfriend. She called Mom and begged her to send money with a promise to pay her back. The only money Mom had was the check she received from the insurance company after she wrecked her car. Mom sent Traci $1,500 and hasn't seen a single penny of it yet. I believe that was almost 3 years ago. That money was so Mom could get another car.

My head hurts. I need a hug, or a shoulder, or both.

It was good seeing my old friends Bouguereau, Lichtenstein and Rothko among others, but I doubt it's good manners to cry in an art museum. I suppose I could have blamed my tears on the beauty of it all instead of what was really troubling me.

We can't rewind we've gone too far...

MTV is 25?

I can't believe it's been 25 years. What the hell happened? Where is Martha Quinn? Is Martha on myspace? I wonder... So, I was living in Connecticut and we had just gotten cable. It was the first time we EVER had cable so that meant no more Star Trek torture from Dad. There were NEW channels... there were MORE than 3 channels to choose from! I remember MTV coming on. In those days it was hard to stay up past midnight. I think that was the summer of my 6th grade year... going into 7th. That day changed my life forever. What are these Buggles? What does it all mean? Give me more! For the next 20 years or so my father would say "Are you watching that communist channel again?" everytime he saw me watching MTV - which was a lot. It's a shame they don't play videos anymore. I would possibly consider getting cable if they did.

Anyway, I keep telling myself that I am just going to leave work, go home and vegetate and go to bed at a decent hour. It just never seems to happen for me. I actually did make it home today right after work and was doing some stuff around the house when Toni aka Mrs. Pokerbuzz called me and asked me for a hint on Charlies Second Cruel Cache. I told Toni where it should be and what kind of container it was in. She said they had looked everywhere to no avail.

My curiosity got the best of me so I told her to hang tight and that I would be there in 15 minutes to help look. When I pulled up Toni was in the van and Mr. Pokerbuzz (Frank) was on his hands and knees in the grass. We geocachers must look very odd to muggles at times! Frank showed me a patch of poison ivy. I had never seen it in real life so I was pretty intrigued, especially since I am still suffering from the remainder of my recent breakout. After about 5 mnutes of searching I tried to call Kat to find out if she could provide an additional clue. I was leaving a message when Frank said he found it. It was in a fake sprinkler system. Clever.

From there we decided to do a couple more caches in the area then we stood and talked for a good two hours. They seem to be really nice, down to earth people. Its nice to make caching connections. I also bitched to Frank about stealing MY bridge in Moraine. I told him that I kept saying I wanted to put a cache there every time I passed it. I even put that in the comments when I logged it he remembered and said Ha! That was you? Yeah, yeah Damn bridge stealer!!

Earlier today, when I got home from work, I was talking to Cricket on the phone and was checking my emails. I sent her the pic I put on my myspace profile today. She kept repeating that I was beautiful and started crying. I knew she was thinking of when we were together. She was trying to hide the fact that she was crying but I know her very well. I think that if my picture is enough to make her cry then that is a problem for her anyway. I started thinking about her situation and would I want to be in a long, drawn out very unhappy relationship where I was there solely because of the comfort and stability, or would I rather be involved in a short and tormented affair? Damn! Still dont know the answer to that one!

I told my Mom that I am probably moving back to S.C. and as soon as I said it I was like "ummmmm, what the hell am I thinking?" I know that she will drive me insane, but I keep thinking about the fact that she had to take a cab to Wal Mart because my loser sisters wouldn't return her phone calls. And it's not like it's Manhattan where you can hail a cab on a street. You have to call the cab company and then wait several hours for them to show up. Then you have to pay them and insane amount of money to drive you 3 miles. I think her Wal Mart excursion cost her over $20 in cab fare. Okay, have to stop talking about it... makes me insane thinking about her taking a cab to buy groceries when both sisters live down the street! Ugh!

So, this myspace thing is really weird. In the past week I have reconnected with several people that I havent seen in years. Thats a good thing. Its strange to see where life has taken people and to find out what they have been up to all these years. I heard someone liken decorating your myspace page to decorating your high school locker. You basically attempt to put all this stuff on your locker door to represent the person that you are. I think thats a pretty accurate statement.

One of the friends I have reconnected with, Rob, totally blew me away this week. He told me something that absolutely amazed me. First off, he finally joined myspace and found my profile. He left me this cryptic message in my inbox saying he was moving to Boston from Spartanburg, S.C. and to contact him. Of course I had to know why the hell he was moving to Boston so I called him. Ya know, I have a lot of friends and some of them have really cool jobs, but Rob well, I think his job absolutely rocks. Hes been the Principal at the S. C. School for the Blind but he has just accepted the position of Principal at the Perkins School For the Blind near Boston Helen Kellers Alma Mater! How freakin cool is that? The more I think about it the more excited I get for him. What an amazing opportunity! I am soooo proud of him! Yay Rob! (I cant wait to visit! You can meet my crazy family in Boston! Oh! And if you ever need protection in the city just remember that I have an Uncle Guido and an Uncle Buster I think that says it all knowwhatImsayin?)

Note to self...

...even though you have most of the area cache's loaded into your PDA, you should alway check the latest logs to find out if the cache has been disabled by the owner!

Right after work I had to run an errand in Springboro, but had some spare time after that to do some caching. I did a couple and ended up on one that required some walking. The cache logs said that there was a lot of mosquitos in the area so luckily I had some bug spray with me. The bad thing was that I was wearing flip-flops again. I thought I had a pair of tennis shoes with me but I guess they were at home. I did have a pair of socks with me but thought I would look like an ass with socks and flip-flops on. The cache was 2/10ths of a mile so I set out on my little walk. When I reached the edge of the woods I was still a good 200 feet from the cache.

I decided that there should be a better way around it than through what looked like a dense wooded area. At least I had jeans on! I walked around the woods and was able to find a path that led me half way into the woods. From there it was pretty much bushwhacking. I was not too thrilled because I just knew there were snakes waiting to bite my naked toes. Those damn stupid snakes. Also, there were so many spider webs! I ran face-first into a couple of them - yuck! After about 100 feet of bushwhacking my GPSr said that I was within 20 feet of the cache. First off, I was already cussing about the snake potential and all the spiders but what REALLY pissed me off was that this jackass hid a fucking micro in the deep woods where a regular cache should have been! Weinernoggin.

When I arrived at what I though should be ground zero I looked for about 45 minutes. It was hot. I accidentally put my hand on a daddy long leg and had a mini-freak out -ew! I stuck my hand in scary places... okay, I stuck a stick in scary places... still no cache. I finally gave up. I walked out of the woods a different way and had to walk through some farm land with some sort of crop growing. I shook all the bugs and all the leaves I thought were bugs off of me and walked the 2/10ths of a mile back to my car. I think I lost 5lbs by sweating, alone.

Tonight when I got home I looked up the cache and found that it had not only been disabled, but archived as well. Fuck. I did all that looking for nothing! The post said that the cache owner couldn't maintain the cache, which probably meant that he was too freakin' lazy to deal with the mean snakes and scary spiders himself! Grrr.

Who the hell puts a micro in the woods, anyway??

I placed three cache's in Greenville over the weekend. I really can't believe with the places up there, like Annie Oakley's grave, that there aren't more in that area. I have been putting off placing cache's because I was so afraid that I would screw up the coordinates. I pretty much just said WTF and did some anyway. I thought it was pretty funny that Pinewood was FTF on them since I always have a hell of a time finding his. He sent me an email and later called me about one of the cache's that I hid. Apparently, as I had feared, my coordinates were a bit off. I temporarily disabled it and his daughter, who works in Greenville, went and got better coordinates for me. I thought that was really nice of them to do that for me. Sad thing for him is that I now have his phone number and will be calling him for hints on his cache's mercilessly!

After Friday night's game night in Greenville, Sharon and I went to Indiana to do some caching. I got to add another state to my map, which is cool. I dropped off the travel bug and geocoin that I had, also. We woke up late so we didn't do many cache's that day. What's really cool is that in one of the cache's I found a Podcacher card! I was really excited and Sharon was like, WTF? I think it was Team Itchy & Scratchy that dropped it off. I know they live in the area and I have heard their name on the show.

Enough about caching.

My poison ivy is almost gone. That shot worked wonders. Screw creams and pills! I wonder how many shots you can get and at what frequency? I also wonder if the steroid stays in your body for prevention? Probably not. They really should make a spray, like bug spray, that acts as a poison ivy repellent.

Not much else going on. I am craving the sun. I really want to go swimming again. Becky, if you are reading this, let's go swimming!

I miss the beach... the REAL beach,. Lakes are not beaches!

I have been thinking a lot lately on my plan, or lack thereof. I think I have made the decision to go back to South Carolina. I left almost 3 years ago on some bizarre quest to prove myself to me. A lot of shit has happened in three years. I can't even begin to describe the ups and downs. Linda... coming out... moving to Ohio... lesbian drama in Dayton... more lesbian drama in Dayton. I know one thing. I am a totally different person than I was the day I left Charleston. A better person, I think. I will miss the awesome parks that I have discovered geocaching, especially with a certain person and all the other friends that I have made, but there is really nothing here for me. I miss my friends back home... yes, I said "home." My sister's are being losers and not helping my Mom out. Traci does a bit, but the poor woman only leaves the house for doctors appointments. It's just time I give back to the people (or the person that's left) that brought me into this world. So, now that the decision is made, I must make a plan, save money, purge a bunch of belongings. I want to move before the anniversary of the day I left, which I believe is October 15th... 3 years is a long time in the life of a girl.

It's now 12:14am and officially my Dad's birthday... he would have been 60... but, he smoked. C'est la vie.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Princess with a Powertool

Ya know, I never claimed to be a butch and most people would laugh that I would even remotely think of myself as butch (which I don't.) I mean, I can change a tire, change a headlight or taillight and do most of the necessary evils that a single person has to do to make it though life, even though I get absolutely no pleasure from doing these things myself most of the time.

Today I decided I was going to conquer the constantly looming task of putting up mini-blinds for a couple of reasons. FIrst, I have a tendency to walk around my apartment half-clothed and the way I look at it is that if the neighbors are looking in, then that is their problem. No one told them to peer through my windows... right? I don't really care about what the neighbors think. Second, my apartment gets so freakin' hot and I kept thinking that if I put some damn blinds up it would be a more pleasing temperature throughout the day.

So....

I had to go to the Dyke Depot to exchange the blinds that Brian got since they were the wrong size. They sat in my trunk for a day or two. I thought of taking my new friend up on her offer to install them for me (since she is the Dyke Depot expert, and all!) but thought that might be a bit much since we are just getting to know each other (and who knows when I might really need her expertise/handywoman talents!) I decided to suck it up and put the damn things up myself... and I am not a fan of mini-blind installation!

I bought a powertool.

Mind you, it's not really a major powertool. It's just an electric screwdriver, but it does come with all sorts of little attachments for the screwdriver head to fit all types of screws. Call me a Princess all you want because I must say that I was pretty damn butch putting these things up... all 7 or them! you should have seen me go!

Sorry neighbors, had to do it!

Queen of the Wilderness

It's 4 am. What the heck am I doing up?

I think I have poison ivy, or some sort of bizarre reaction to a plant. I have small rashes all over my body, mainly on my left bicep, a couple patches on my neck, on the tops of my feet and several other places. I suppose I should stay out of the woods during the summer, or at least protect myself from unidentified plants! I was looking for a cache by myself last week one day after work. I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops (my usual uniform!) I thought the cache would be a simple one since it was off of a bike path. When my GPS brought me close the the cache location I was like, WTF! it was still 20 feet into the woods! I debated on whether to wander into the wooded area since I was wearing flip-flops. If I had tennis shoes on it would be no problem. The snakes can't really bite through Nike's, you see. However, bare flesh in flip flops probably looks pretty enticing to a hungry reptile.

Being the determined person that I am, I decided to venture further to look for the cache. The coordinates brought me to the place most overgrown with vines, weeds and God knows what else. When I walked the "path" (covered in overgrown vines) I did my "snake walk:" which consists of me stomping on the ground chanting "snakes go away!, snakes go away!"... I'm so not joking about this! I ended up finding a snake/walking/poking stick to assist in my search. I used it to lift vines and hit the ground in front of me as I walked (you know... to ward off those snakes). I looked and looked for the cache to no avail. While looking, I also had to dodge the biggest bumble bees that I have ever seen... not so much fun, really. I was getting irritated so I decided to leave the woods.

On the way out, I was accosted by one of the killer bees and in my mini freak-out decided to run through the trees. It was like that scene in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and the gang get attacked by the trees in the woods. The branches kept scratching me and grabbing on to my clothing. I was poked all over but managed to escape with just a little blood shed (again, not joking!) I called Kat since this was her cache to ask her where the hell it was. She gave me basic directions the same spot where I had searched before. I hung up with her and sat in the cool AC of my car (that would be factory installed AC, and NOT a window unit). I fought back and forth with myself about whether or not to go back to the woods to look again. Again, being a glutton for punishment, and armed with my snake stick, I went back in for a second look.

This time I was a little more bold with my search. I was determined to not let my fear of what lies beneath the vines hinder my search. I tore through the vines like a crazy woman. I still didn't find the damn thing. So, instead of getting an insignificant small trinket as my reward for finding the cache, I now have an itchy rash instead. Kat later told me that another cacher was stung twice when looking for the cache. Having been stung recently I have decided to not look again until Fall. I really need to stick with urban micro's, but I think I have done them all in Dayton!

Sharon is naming a cache in my honor. She sent me a text today asking if she could use my name in her cache title. Of course I was totally curious about why she would want to do that so I called her. Apparently she put her first cache together - an ambitious multi, at that! She wanted to call it "Pero's Pesky Po-Po Park". She's putting it near where I was pulled over for speeding in Centerville - I was laughing my ass off!

Nothing much else happening these days. I'm making new and interesting friends, so that's fun. I will be meeting one in particular this week and am really looking forward to it! I need to remember to keep my freak in my pocket because I normally tend to let my freak flag fly and that gets me in trouble most of the time. I'm trying to not be too optimistic because that would go against my newly embraced cynicism and bitterness towards relationships and we can't let that happen... now can we?

GhettoFabulous

I enjoy living alone. Strange how one forgets these things in such a short time. I like silence... not that there's much of that on Xenia Avenue with Brian's non-stop barking dogs and the barrio next door. BUT, I can hear the birds chirp amidst the sounds of the passing cars so I know that nature is not that far away... AND if there's a mess, it's my mess AND I can walk around naked if I want! Perhaps I should get some mini blinds for the windows in the dining room and living room? Ah, well.... they shouldn't be looking in my house anyway!

What I should be doing instead of blogging is gathering my camping gear! Why do I always wait until the last minute to pack and shove everything (even things I don't need) in my car? I am looking forward to the escape from life's drama. My skin needs sun and my mind needs the fresh air desperately. I am feeling optimistic. Must have been the mention of doors opening and closing to get me thinking in the right direction :)

In other news, I am the proud owner of a brand spankin' new microwave. I suppose that I can now stop cooking my pre-cooked bacon in my hot pot, which is really meant for water! Thanks Mya, Cleo and Aflac!

(And yes, Sharon... they still make regular popcorn that you have to cook on the stove! I saw it at Wal Mart tonight and thought of you!)

Weird Things In Ohio

Being (sort of) from South Carolina I am used to weird things and strange people. This week I saw a couple of unexplainable things in Ohio that made me think South Carolina isn't so backward after all!

First, while geocaching in Piqua, I saw an old 1970's-style van with an AC installed in the back window. It was parked along the side of the street. I was driving so I didn't really get a good look. Days later I still wonder where the AC unit plugs in and if they drive this thing or live in it? I will be in Piqua this weekend so if I see it again I will be sure to take a picture. What was I thinking by not taking a picture of such a thing?

The following day, speaking of air conditioners, I had to shop for one because the one in my apartment went out. A friend suggested I got to Big Lots to see if they had any cheap one. When I got out of my car I heard a bunch of noise and wasn't quite sure what was happening. Well, up on the sidewalk, in front of the store, they had a table set up. On the table was a karaoke machine. On the front of the table was a sign that read "Sing a song and get a gift!" Behind the table were two scary Big Lots employees... one was singing "Wild Thing"

I don't frequent Big Lots often and now I know why.
Needless to say, I didn't get a gift.